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Social Anxiety.... Help

Hey everyone,

Well, what can I say... Feeling dumb relative to my age...

I feel like I am losing time, and have lost a lot already. I'm 31. I feel like an outsider when you consider my age and the knowledge I have in my head.

Growing up, I spent a lot of time watching talk shows, the home shopping network and infomercials (guess that's why I ended up in sales for 6 years lol), etc. - point is more or less not valuable, information-worthy content.

I had my group of friends back in my home city as I do now - but with most friends we didn't make a priority to hang out with them regularly except on birthdays, things like that.

I have a B.A. in Psychology but I feel like no one would know it. My higher marks were actually in my electives. My dad has a PHD and my mom has 2 degrees. It is not the fact that I have lesser education, but I don't feel I understand the world.

Too damn often, people are saying things all the time I don't understand... their urban dictionary language, jokes that don't make sense to me. it's like I'm slow. I feel always behind. Like yesterday my sister was talking about all these different wines and which ones are dry or not, and I was like 'ugh' I had nothing to add. Then she was talking about how vodka is made from wheat and how it's hard to find ones made from potatoes anymore. I didn't even know it was made from wheat to begin with. Then were talking about energy and turbines and solar power and the environment and natural gas and again I couldn't follow it. Then someone else said 'crown mouldings' , I knew it had something to do with housing, but I didn't know what they were for or what they look like. I looked it up and now I know, but this BS is killing me. I'm tired of pretending like I know when I don't but because I feel like it's general common sense, I pretend.

I want to learn. I want to take courses which I did sign up for a couple recently but the concepts seem abstract (microeconomics) - it's difficult as many online courses don't test your knowledge and there are just soooooo many things to know in this world I don't know where to start.

I wish I could just sit at the computer for 6 months and go through all the major subjects and try to get some kind of understanding of what I call: 'how the world works'. I say that because so many times people (at least I think so) talk about things on what to me is a deep level and everything always seems so interconnected that you can't just know about 1 topic and fully understand the conversation. It's not that I'm anxious - I'm not scared of people, it's the lack of knowledge in my head!

Besides gay rights which I am very interested in and have been for years and made many videos people have enjoyed watching, I find myself passionless especially since SCOTUS just ended the debate in the US I was following for the longest time. Things just don't seem to interest me very much. When people say "what do you do for fun?" I don't have much of an answer. My confidence is super low. Sometimes probably I don't give things enough of a chance either. I avoid most social situations not because I'm afraid of people as I said, but because I feel in most subject areas I don't have much to contribute and I just sit there going "uhuh" even though I want to talk I don't know what to say.

It's gotten to the point where I'm watching a show and will pause everytime I don't understand a word and look it up. I feel ridiculous having to do this. I also hear my friends talk about how they're renovating and building decks and stuff and I have absolutely 0 clue on that.

I just don't know what I want to do with my life. . and I'm only getting older.
1 Responses
370181 tn?1595629445
Since you don't really have a problem being with groups of people, I don't think social anxiety is your issue. I think you have incredibly low self-esteem and you are WAY too hard on yourself.........I thing THAT is what's making you uncomfortable around people.

I would strongly suggest you get into therapy and learn why you feel you have nothing to add to conversations. You're obviously an intelligent person with various interests. Most of us have thoughts and opinions on subjects we know very little about and don't hesitate to interject them into the conversation. So what if you don't know one wine from another. Do you really care? If you WANTED to learn about wines, don't you think you would/could?

You shouldn't feel intimidated because you can't always add something to the conversation. There's nothing wrong with just sitting back and listening.

You say you don't know what you want to do with your life and you're only getting older. At 31 you have over 30 years left to follow any path you choose. You earned a degree in psychology.......there must have been a reason you choose that major. And you mentioned several electives you have interest in.

Perhaps you need to get out there and explore some of your options and see what interests you and what doesn't. I never knew I had a passion for gardening until my first carrot popped out of the ground!

And at 31 many people don't know what they want to do! Look at the world as your oyster rather than a door that has slammed shut.

Do your parents make you feel less accomplished because you have less formal education than they do? Could that be a contributing factor in your feelings? With your interest in gay issues, is it possible you're gay and haven't come out yet? I'm sorry if that question offended you............I have a gay son that I love so much and am so happy for because of the SCOTUS decision.

I'm going to leave it there and hope you will consider the therapy idea. I truly believe you need it and I also believe it will help you get out of this funk your in about your life. You don't HAVE to feel the way you do.......there is help, you just have to reach out for it.
Here's what I know about wine. There's red wine and there's white wine. The end. That conversation would be easy for the two of us!!!!    

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Arlington, VA
370181 tn?1595629445
Arlington, WA
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