Well, what can I say... Feeling dumb relative to my age...
I feel like I am losing time, and have lost a lot already. I'm 31. I feel like an outsider when you consider my age and the knowledge I have in my head.
Growing up, I spent a lot of time watching talk shows, the home shopping network and infomercials (guess that's why I ended up in sales for 6 years lol), etc. - point is more or less not valuable, information-worthy content.
I had my group of friends back in my home city as I do now - but with most friends we didn't make a priority to hang out with them regularly except on birthdays, things like that.
I have a B.A. in Psychology but I feel like no one would know it. My higher marks were actually in my electives. My dad has a PHD and my mom has 2 degrees. It is not the fact that I have lesser education, but I don't feel I understand the world.
Too damn often, people are saying things all the time I don't understand... their urban dictionary language, jokes that don't make sense to me. it's like I'm slow. I feel always behind. Like yesterday my sister was talking about all these different wines and which ones are dry or not, and I was like 'ugh' I had nothing to add. Then she was talking about how vodka is made from wheat and how it's hard to find ones made from potatoes anymore. I didn't even know it was made from wheat to begin with. Then were talking about energy and turbines and solar power and the environment and natural gas and again I couldn't follow it. Then someone else said 'crown mouldings' , I knew it had something to do with housing, but I didn't know what they were for or what they look like. I looked it up and now I know, but this BS is killing me. I'm tired of pretending like I know when I don't but because I feel like it's general common sense, I pretend.
I want to learn. I want to take courses which I did sign up for a couple recently but the concepts seem abstract (microeconomics) - it's difficult as many online courses don't test your knowledge and there are just soooooo many things to know in this world I don't know where to start.
I wish I could just sit at the computer for 6 months and go through all the major subjects and try to get some kind of understanding of what I call: 'how the world works'. I say that because so many times people (at least I think so) talk about things on what to me is a deep level and everything always seems so interconnected that you can't just know about 1 topic and fully understand the conversation. It's not that I'm anxious - I'm not scared of people, it's the lack of knowledge in my head!
Besides gay rights which I am very interested in and have been for years and made many videos people have enjoyed watching, I find myself passionless especially since SCOTUS just ended the debate in the US I was following for the longest time. Things just don't seem to interest me very much. When people say "what do you do for fun?" I don't have much of an answer. My confidence is super low. Sometimes probably I don't give things enough of a chance either. I avoid most social situations not because I'm afraid of people as I said, but because I feel in most subject areas I don't have much to contribute and I just sit there going "uhuh" even though I want to talk I don't know what to say.
It's gotten to the point where I'm watching a show and will pause everytime I don't understand a word and look it up. I feel ridiculous having to do this. I also hear my friends talk about how they're renovating and building decks and stuff and I have absolutely 0 clue on that.
I just don't know what I want to do with my life. . and I'm only getting older.