Told to come here - HIV and other things

[pablo_papito]

I crossed the line in the HIV Prevention Forum.

Although I know I had no risk, the thoughts come uninvited to my mind and kill my joy of living (when not thinking about AIDS I am am a very happy person).

Bottom line is that I cut myself and immediately after a HIV+ friend touched it by reflex for less than a second (I was bleeding, 1 cm cut). They said to me that even if he was bleeding I was at no risk, and my brain believs it. All the information that I read here and MANY other sources force me to agree.

The thing is that my mind turned into a machine of "what ifs", obviously thinking in the worst scenario, I can´t help it.

I have a history of HIV paranoia from sex exposures (8 negative tests in 17 years - one of the when my ex-girlfriend told me she was pregnant).

Recently I changed my life dramatically, I am an alcoholic and am sober for 6 months since I came to live at the beach, lots of sports and very healthy nutrition, 25 pounds less, no unprotected sex, quitted smoking to. No cocaine for more than a year. Completely clean.

All was well, then I made this HIV+ friend and almost any situation make me evaluate if I was at risk or not. My mom says that I HAVE to be worried with something always.

Almost all my life (since the first situation with HIV exposure), lost the ability of accept happines, sometimes thinking that it is too much for me to deserve.

Anyone can help me? It has been very difficult to think about a "happy" future.

Writing knowing that someone is reading calms me.

Thanks in advance to wonderful Greenlydia (you are an angel), I don´t want to be a pain, I am a normal guy, just want to move on, build my life.

Thank you and sorry for the long text

[RubyWitch]

Then I offer you my most sincere apology. I just found it extremely odd that two people would not only have the EXACT experiences regarding a leaf in their kitchen and a band ade that had been tracked in on a shoe, or a concern about a lab reusing a needle, that this "other" person also had an infected fingernail and the language is very similar. But, I suppose it could just be coincidence.
Again, I am sorry for the tone of my reply, but people often use different usernames to ask the same questions over and over. My error that I thought this was yet another instance of that.
If you can read around my "tone" of impatience, the advice is still pretty much the same.
Please post again if you have further questions and I won't junp down your throat this time. Promise
Peace
Greenlydia
  

[helpgrace]

I guess I'm a little confused. This is the first time I have posted on this site.

[RubyWitch]

Have you been tested for HIV 3 months post your LAST exposure? If the answer is yes, you have received a CONCLUSIVE result and need to move on regarding your HIV status. If you can't let it go, then you do NOT need yet another test, you need help for your relentless HIV anxiety. In other words, you need therapy!

You write:

"(just to be worried again that a dirty needle was used :p)"

PLEASE don't tell me you are freaking out about the professioanl phlebotomist who drew your blood for the test, again! We have already been over that concern in great detail.

You also wrote:

"but yesterday on my kitchen floor I picked up what I thought was a leaf. To my horror it was a band aid that had to be tracked in on a shoe."

Is your "latest fear" this leaf problem? And why do you say that "I know I will have to take a test in 6 months?" THREE months will give you conclusive results.

With all of the information contained in just this thread, you should KNOW that your risks of contracting HIV are ZERO. How much plainer can we state that for you?

But you have posted ALL of this before and ALL of your concerns were addressed at that time along with advice to get educated about HIV and to get yourself into some therapy for your anxiety related to that issue. Obviously you have done neither.

As you were told before, it is now totally up to YOU to get the help you need. There is nothing else we can tell you and while we ARE here to offer support, giving you the exact same advice over and over and over is NOT support. When you write and tell us you are in therapy to help yourself deal with these issues, we will be MORE than happy to offer you our support and encouragement in any way we can.
  
But until you take positive, pro-active steps to help yourself, I AM sorry to be so harsh, but I won't continue to enable you.

I do wish you the very best. Please get some help.
Peace
Greenlydia  

[helpgrace]

My fear started about 5 years ago. I was a little promiscuous and ever since them I am paranoid!!! I need someone to ease my latest fear although I know I'll have to take a test in 6 months. (just to be worried again that a dirty needle was used :p) but yesterday on my kitchen floor I picked up what I thought was a leaf. To my horror it was a band aid that had to be tracked in on a shoe. I do have cuts on my hand due to my excessive washing of my hands. Plus on one finger I have an infected fingernail. So now I'm worried I have gotten HIV from the band aid. HELP!!!!!

[RubyWitch]

That remark was a bit uncalled for, sir. So, is perfection bliss?
Peace
Greenlydia

[markv]

You are one of the most stubborn persons I have seen on this forum. I guess sometimes ignorance is NOT a bliss.

[RubyWitch]

I'm happy to hear your daughter is fine, but we told you she would be as she was NEVER at risk.
I'm also happy to hear that you've gotten yourself educated about how HIV is transmitted, it should ease your mind greatly!
(Now you just need to educate the moronic doctor who made your daughter get tested!)
I'm glad we were here for your during your stressful time and we all wish you, and your very healthy daughter, a wonderful Christmas season as well.
Peace
Greenlydia

[furrycatgal]

Thanks to everyone who help me through my anxiety attacks as for my daughter the results are back and she is good.  During these  anxiety  times, I have become aware and knowledgeable of the transmission of hiv through the Hiv prevnetion forum.  Thanks again to those who comfort me in the anxiety forum.

Happy Hollidays and may god bless you all.

[nursegirl6572]

lydia.....lmao.

Girl, you're a riot.  Must be those dehydrated olives.

:0)

[RubyWitch]

YOUR wall has nothin' on MY wall, girlfriend! MY first wall was only 4 feet thick, too! Lasted about a week........(those three little pigs didn't know squat, but then, they weren't on MH were they!)
I have now constructed a sensory deprivation chamber next to my computer and when MY patience is gone, I slip inside, slam the lid and get into my stash of "Hikers De-Hydrated Martini Mix." The only sound I hear is the teensy, weensy "plink" of the olive.
As a bonus, I no longer have those awful, brick induced headaches.
My "chamber" is built for two, so the next time you're out West, do drop in, we'll write a few posts and then retire for some refreshments.

Sorry, everyone, for the totally off-topic turn of conversation, perhaps my patience was wearing a tad thin?
I now return control of your computers.............

[silverberg]

what I was saying is I WANT YOU to post here, to continue to post here, but, and yes the big BUTT, read your own post, you ask the  question and unlike the HIV forum were the people there are saying to you 'DUDE YOUR NEG. ACCEPT IT, THERE IS NO MORE WE CAN DO FOR YOU HERE' this is a true and valid statement by them, I am not defending them as a matter of fact, it use to really **** me off at all the people they sent this way, until I realized, that they (HIV FORUM) is correct , all they can do is TELL YOU YOU CAN'T GET HIV FROM THE WAYS YOU (pablo-papito) HAVE MENTIONED.

Now has for this forum, PLEASE understand that, we are here to help you with your Anxiety issues and NOT YOUR HIV ISSUES (that has already been taken care of, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink) ;-)  here comes another BUT.... but in your own post your anxiety was from the start about HIV issues, so that is the root from all the post you write about, am I wrong? So yes you will be reminded of that in HELPING YOU WITH YOUR HIV ANXIETY..

What is interesting here is the HIV forum did not kick you out, they can only tell you the FACTS and if you keep questioning them, that is where they can no longer help you? facts are facts.  Now YOU are in the postion of the HIV forum people, we in the anxiety forum are saying work on accepting your HIV anxiety issues, and your saying enough, I get it already!
Which is fine, but when you say that, MEAN IT, don't follow up with a post with the same concern, because then your either playing a game or not willing to accept the facts.

Please understand people in this forum, we are not paid to write on here, we are people just like you with Anxiety/Panic issues and are in different stages of getting BETTER. so please understand, we don't take time to write back, because we have nothing better to do, we do this to help you and ourselves.

So lets move forward from here, and please update us on your progress! And remember, if you say,,,,,, "welll this HIV is freaking me out etc",,,, we are going to REMIND YOU OF THE FACTS ON HIV to help you get it and keep it in your mind.

ps. the CAPS are not yelling , but more of what I use to "emphasise" my point.

[pablo_papito]

I don´t think you understood my post. I was just seeking help toward my anxiety.

I said that I didn´t want people to said nothing about any no risk situation just to be clear that I am not using this forum for that and don´t to bother anymore with this issue.

And of course I understand that I am the problem, that´s why I am reamined in this forum and am changing completely the focus on the help I need.

I haven´t said that there is any problem with this forum, on the contrary, even you were very helpful.

I am trying to find help to deal with my anxiety thoughts. If I am being out of the line by that fact, just tell me, I will vanish. (I got the message in the HIV Forum and got out, although I really found disrespectful some legitimate posts of mine being deleted)

The way you put is like the job is done here, and I don´t have the right to post nothing. Didn´t think it was like that.

I hope I don´t get to the conclusion that´s the way you treat all here.

Nursegirl, thank you for your words, didn´t want to make you bang your head over a wall.

[nursegirl6572]

LOL AT SILVERBERG!!!

Patience is a  virtue huh?  That's why I am installing a 4 ft by 4 ft brick wall next to my pc....so I can bang my head on it!  :0)

Im definitely more patient in this forum than down the road at the HIV forum, b/c while I see people being resistant in both places....the people here have got NUTTIN on the posters over there...course you already know that!  :0)

Peace!

[silverberg]

Sorry buddy but you are out of line, if you ask for advise, your gonna get it and the advise is here to HELP YOU, never tell someone not to say this or that to you, most people on this forum are not here to "slam you" but to help you!

I hope you get the help you need, but please remember sometimes we get advise we DON'T LIKE and it most likely it's the advise we need to hear!

my understanding is  HIV forum said enough of you and  this forum is a little more relaxed, but If you hear from 2 separate forums that something is wrong, you are not accepting the advise YOU CAME HERE SEEKING (NO ONE FORCED YOU) THEN it's time to man up and say maybe it's not the forums, but ME!

Again I wish you the best and hope you really work on your issues!

People here have more patients then me,  I am like the HIV forum people, I think I am on the same lines as them, you can help someone, but if they keep coming back with excuses then my time is done with them, BECAUSE THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE OUT there that want help.

this is all said with love man, wish you the best!

[nursegirl6572]

Congrats on the decision to seek some help, you'll be so glad you did.

Hon, your problem is guilt!  You are feeling guilty over your "indiscretions" in the past and somehow feel that your stress and agony over this is what you "deserve".  That is just silly.  You also are going thru a major life change in getting sober, which is fantastic, but it isn't easy....it often comes with a lot of emotional lability.

You are HUMAN, not infallible...not perfect, we all make mistakes.

Get yourself some help and realize that nothing in your past changes who YOU are or were.  

[pablo_papito]

Ok then, read enough, educated enough, tired of thinking.

Today my brain is about to explode. I processed tons of information, don´t even know what to think anymore, if this, if that, probabilities, and so on....

I recognize it has become a mind issue. I understand (and accept) the scientific facts but is like there is another self always there to say: STOP, you cannot relax because there is always a tiny winny probability, you cannot be happy again -  and then I keep sad (very sad).

Please I DON´T WANT you to say to me I was never at risk or things like that, don´t even go to this field.

I know the problem is my conditioned mind. I just want any orientation in the anxiety field (once you have experience on that).

The feeling is like I didn´t had the right to take my life again normally after these incidents you know? Like I was not allowed to be free of these thoughts once I would be selfish and would not be caring for me and for others. Like I was not allowed to think in my  future the way I was...

My mom said, stop searching, stop reading, suffer if you will but let it go, just like that.

One good thing I can say is that I am passing through all this being COMPLETELY sober (did not go back to drinking nor smoking, nor nothing), and I am still doing sports and eating (very) healthy food.

If you don´t want to respond that´s ok. Writing reliefs me, and knowing such special and knowledgeable people makes me feel better.

Anyway, I am emotinaly and mentaly exausted. I WILL force me to give a break. I am seeking a professional help but it is difficult once I never had this kind of treatment, and here were I live mental doctors are not really abundant.

Thank you always

[nursegirl6572]

I understand that it is your child you are worried about, therefore, it may be harder to let go of your irrational thinking....but as you can hopefully see by reading the HIV Prevention Forum, HIV Phobias are very real.....common, and if left untreated, can become quite a problem.

Bottom line is...your daughter NEVER had a risk....loose tooth, chapped lips, or otherwise.  It is simply not physiologically possible for HIV to be transmitted in this manner (sharing drinking glasses, silwerware, food, etc).  Think of it this way....even deep kissing poses ZERO risk to an uninfected partner, no one has EVER become infected by kissing, mutual masturbation, even oral sex, with their POSITIVE partners...therefore, the situation with your daughter certainly is NO risk at all.

HIV is an extremely weak virus that requires a set of near perfect circumstances to allow for transmission.  One, infection must occur INSIDE the body, where the virus's genetic make-up can be preserved.  Two, there must be signifiicant exposure to infectious fluids.  There are also MANY other aspects that must be present when considering infection, including viral load, amongst other things.  Even people who have engaged in unprotected sex with a POS person have not become infected, that is how difficult it is to transmit the virus.  Now, of course, that isn't to say that people shouldn't be ultra careful and always protect themselves when it comes to insertive sex, because the risk still exists, however, I'm just illustrating that even a high risk situation does not always lead to infection.  In a nutshell, the virus simply isn't capable of infecting others when it is outside of the body, exposed to the elements...especially when it is on an environmental surface, like a glass.  Even IF if was a risk, saliva contains enzymes that help to destroy and futher inactivate the virus.

Therefore, you simply need to move on and get past this.  Your daughter was never at risk.  If you cannot seem to accept the facts that she was never at risk, then I strongly suggest that you seek some professional help to aid you in putting this behind you.  Anxiety and phobias not addressed can lead to anxiety disorders like many of the people in this forum suffer from, and can truly be life altering in a negative way.  Of course, there is treatment, but you are in a position to nip it in the bud before it gets any more out of hand.  

I think the recommendation that your daughter be tested was deplorable, because it not only fed into your fears, but also has subjected your dtr to unnecessary medical procedures, and has instilled an irrational fear into your daughter as well.  However, if you feel you absolutely NEED to have her tested to help you move forward, then have her tested ONCE at the 3 month mark, but be SURE to try to explain to her that it is only to put your mind at ease, and then educate her about the fact that this kind of exposure does not pose any risk.  The last thing you need, she needs, or this world needs...which is already FILLED with so many erroneous ideas about HIV...is her to have a seed planted that HIV is transmitted by casual contact.

Good luck...hope you can sincerely move past this...and lead your daughter down the correct path.  Education about the REAL risks of this disease is crucial, and sadly, not many people are exposed to that...instead they learn many of the myths and falsehoods that are passed along based out of fear alone.

[furrycatgal]

You really made me feel better but it is my daughter that had lose the tooth the day before so if blood was in te water the risk will still remain the same.

Thank you and have a great day.

[RubyWitch]

I'm happy to hear that you've calmed down about your daughter's "risk." Which, as I said before, she NEVER had. Even if her little friend had spit her loose tooth covered with blood into that bottle of water, the risk to your daughter would STILL have been ZERO!

It's a crazy world out there........no doubt about it and there are a million things we must worry about, but everyone freaks out FIRST and THEN stops to learn the facts.
We've got it all backwards, people.

Now go grab that perfectly healthy little girl of yours and go play in the mud. (And don't Google "mud" or you'll find out it's crawling with bacteria.............) LOL
Peace
Greenlydia  

[furrycatgal]

I agree with greenlydia, the more you research it put more fears into your head and that's what have been really happening to mebecause I am saying what if that water had in blood and I had forgot to mentioned she had loose a teeth the day before this incident.  I am agreeing the fear takes over your life but thanks to everyone here who has lent me some encouraging words.

[RubyWitch]

Your daughter had ZERO risk!
And cmur is spot on when he said your doctor is a bloody moron! He should have told you, RIGHT THEN AND THERE, that there was absolutely NO reason to have your daughter tested.
Look what he has done............sending your child for a test that may frighten her, YOU are scared out of your wits, your daughter is no doubt picking up on your fear, and if this "exposure" happened less than three months ago, the test will not be conclusive...........this idiot doctor has created a storm of fear out of his ignorance. If you want reassurance that your daughter was NEVER at risk, post on the HIV Forum. (But post only once, so ask ALL your questions the first time!)
Peace
Greenlydia
  

[RubyWitch]

THREE ways to contract HIV

1) Mother to unborn child. You are NOT a woman and you are NOT pregnant.    NO RISK!

2) Sharing drugs works with an HIV+ person. You are NOT a drug user.   NO RISK!

3) UNPROTECTED anal/vaginal sex with an HIV+ partner. You state you ALWAYS use a condom.    NO RISK!

You could have oral sex with a prostitute who is having her period and is HIV+ and you would have NO RISK!

We have talked a great deal, you and I, Pablo. We have covered this ground many times.


HIV is NOT your problem. OCD IS!
You've told me YOURSELF you know it is the OCD that keeps you freaking about HIV.....................

Get professional help for THAT and your HIV fears will go away.

You have been told, many, many times, by incredibly knowledgable people, that you were NEVER at risk. You have now been told by many knowledgable people here the same thing. I DO understand that your OCD thinking will just NOT let it go, which is why you need help.
Educating yourself about HIV was a very positive step for you to take, but with your OCD, it seems that you are only adding fuel to the fire. Instead of reassuring you, this book is adding yet MORE to your list of worries.........you are now asking about "proteins, envelopes, the way to target cells, fragile particles etc." As you said, this book is apparently written more for doctors than lay people and it's filling your head with things almost none of us would understand. I think it's doing you far more harm than good.

I am NOT telling you to go away, Pablo. But what I AM telling you is that those of us on the Anxiety Forum AND the HIV Forum have given you just about all the help we can. We are NOT doctors nor mental health professionals and THAT is who you need. We want you to come here as often as you want for support and encouragement, but none of that is going to "fix" what is wrong.

PLEASE find a good therapist who CAN fix things for you so you can begin to live free of all these worries you carry around. You have done SO much to help yourself live a better and healthier life, you have to be very strong and motivated to change all the things you have. I KNOW you have the strength and the courage to change this.
Begin tomorrow to get your life completely back.
And know that we will always be here for you.
Peace
Greenlydia

[pablo_papito]

Any comment would be apprecciated so I can move on. I am really trying to learn and understand mor about the ways of trasmission.

Thank´s

[pablo_papito]

I bought a book from Dr. Robert Gallo (about HIV and Cancer), the developer of the Elisa test and possibly the first to isolate de virus.

Very complex book (adressed to doctors). Talk not much about the ways of transmission. But now I BEGIN to understand how is so difficult to catch HIV, many fases have to occur perfectly (proteins, envelopes, the way to target cells, fragile particles etc.)

And I am reading a lot about bloodstream. I was wondering. Once you are bleeding, you indeed bleed OUT alright? Or not? Like putting out almost any microorganism that just touches that blood?

In the moment of a cut wich bleeds constantly but not so deep is not likely that something enter your bloodstream so easily correct?

I read a lot in this site about for that kind of contact we need lots of blood for maybe a possible infection (Vance, Nursegirl). Is that for sure? Because I also read that the viral load is important.

Sorry, butI feel like I need just a little piece of information to put my mind at ease (or to bare easier the 3 months to the test). Of course is the OCD/Anxiety but any information would help.

The image of my finger bleeding and touching my friend is what my mind keeps picturing.

Thak you for your help.

As for to you furrycatgirl, even I am SURE that your baby has no problem and agree with Silverberg about your doc.

God Bless