Aa
Very weird anxiety - fear of death
Hello.
First, I must say (being a community leader on Medhelp, so I know the rules). I'm NOT depressed and I'm NOT planning or wishing to harm myself. Rather the opposite, as you can see from my post.
I've suffered from hypochondria for three years, mostly related to heart and cardiovascular issues. My doctor and therapist both think my anxiety has something to do with fear of death. However, after watching a scary movie in August, my anxiety switched, to "what if I go crazy and harm myself". This is fairly absurd, because I have no intention, or reason, to harm myself. I have a nice girlfriend/fiancee, nice parents and family, a good job, no financial problems, a good childhood with caring family, friends, no traumatic events, etc.
But, what is scaring me (and what I truly don't like) is the awareness that life is vulnerable. In other words, if we have a bad day, what is preventing us from doing crazy stuff like jumping out a window or similar. When I was suffering from cardiophobia, I had fairly similar thoughts, like "what is preventing the heart from suddenly stopping". I don't think I ever overcame this fear, but I got so carefully examined that it's almost mathematically certain that my heart is healthy. This is the reason why I like cardiology. It's very scientific and mathematical (a normal QT time on EKG, a normal echocardiography, etc). And the reason why I hate and fear psychology. It's no guarantees there.
I truly struggle to accept uncertainty. I feel I could give a million for a guarantee that I never would harm myself. That would make my life perfect. Instead, I'm now having a fear; what if something bad happens and I lose my desire to live? I want to live until I'm at least 80 years old! I hate the fact that our brain obviously is in charge here, and it's to a certain degree affecting my life quality (am I sure I will live for X years?).
I'm not depressed, according to my therapist. I have no feelings of guilt (which is actually strange, because I'm constantly bringing this up to my family and girlfriend), I have a good self esteem, I'm able to work, and able to be social, but I dislike driving alone (what if I crash). Since this started, though, I've driven a couple of thousands of miles, and of course, nothing bad has happened, but I can't completely get this issue out of my mind.
I started taking Zoloft 5 weeks ago. It has improved my sleep and appetite (which is now normalized) and my anxiety is lower, but still the fear remains somewhere in my brain, making my brain conjure up weird thoughts and frustration.
What can I do about this?
First, I must say (being a community leader on Medhelp, so I know the rules). I'm NOT depressed and I'm NOT planning or wishing to harm myself. Rather the opposite, as you can see from my post.
I've suffered from hypochondria for three years, mostly related to heart and cardiovascular issues. My doctor and therapist both think my anxiety has something to do with fear of death. However, after watching a scary movie in August, my anxiety switched, to "what if I go crazy and harm myself". This is fairly absurd, because I have no intention, or reason, to harm myself. I have a nice girlfriend/fiancee, nice parents and family, a good job, no financial problems, a good childhood with caring family, friends, no traumatic events, etc.
But, what is scaring me (and what I truly don't like) is the awareness that life is vulnerable. In other words, if we have a bad day, what is preventing us from doing crazy stuff like jumping out a window or similar. When I was suffering from cardiophobia, I had fairly similar thoughts, like "what is preventing the heart from suddenly stopping". I don't think I ever overcame this fear, but I got so carefully examined that it's almost mathematically certain that my heart is healthy. This is the reason why I like cardiology. It's very scientific and mathematical (a normal QT time on EKG, a normal echocardiography, etc). And the reason why I hate and fear psychology. It's no guarantees there.
I truly struggle to accept uncertainty. I feel I could give a million for a guarantee that I never would harm myself. That would make my life perfect. Instead, I'm now having a fear; what if something bad happens and I lose my desire to live? I want to live until I'm at least 80 years old! I hate the fact that our brain obviously is in charge here, and it's to a certain degree affecting my life quality (am I sure I will live for X years?).
I'm not depressed, according to my therapist. I have no feelings of guilt (which is actually strange, because I'm constantly bringing this up to my family and girlfriend), I have a good self esteem, I'm able to work, and able to be social, but I dislike driving alone (what if I crash). Since this started, though, I've driven a couple of thousands of miles, and of course, nothing bad has happened, but I can't completely get this issue out of my mind.
I started taking Zoloft 5 weeks ago. It has improved my sleep and appetite (which is now normalized) and my anxiety is lower, but still the fear remains somewhere in my brain, making my brain conjure up weird thoughts and frustration.
What can I do about this?
Best Answer
I really think cognitive behavorial therapy can help change your thought processes. I am starting this today. It takes practice because your brain is used to thinking "what if". This therapy retrains your brain to think differently.
Hope this helps.
Best Wishes,
Jamie
Hope this helps.
Best Wishes,
Jamie
In all that you wrote there is no mention of spirituality. Im not talking about religion but your connection to the universe. Just think of it, here we are on a planet out in the middle of nowhere. The earth is spinning but we dont fall off. We look up to the heavens and see eternity, yet we are here with all of this. We dont understand such greatness yet we live as a participating member. The more we focus on ourselves, the more we become disconnected and the more vulnerable we become to the vastness. We are not ourselves to look into and compare, but part of the grandness of creation and equally as important as the smallest bit of lifes creatures. I think you are tempted to look to yourself as distinct but in doing so bring a certain hideousness to being. Be a shining star and let your light bring hope to all those in need. Share your wisdom with those in darkness. Teach empathy to those that dont care. Let the light of God radiate from your eyes. Rejoice that you have been chosen to be here for a reason and purpose. Fullfill these and your mind will be free.
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You know the thing is, people always talk about the "mind" its always the mind, but this is dualistic thinking. A long time ago, psychologists had the mind seperated from the brain (that was Descartes big error) and neuroscience was in its infancy, not much was known about our magnificent and wonderous brains. Nowadays it is commonly accepted that the "mind" (which is actually hypothetical) comes from the brain as it obviously does, just look at lobotomies. Not the most pleasant example I know, but it provides excellent proof - if the frontal lobes are damaged, a person loses a lot of those executive functions. So the mind really comes from the theories of psychology, and it was long thought before the biological component entered the picture, that psychological illnesses were not treatable by medication, it was seperate from the brain. But everyone now knows that every psychological problem has, to some degree, a biological component - if not, then how does medication work? People with OCD for example have too much activity in their orbitofrontal corticies, which explains why there is the problem of obsessing and compulsing over things, part of their brain actually gets "stuck in gear". By doing certain therapies, it forces the person to use different parts of their brain, which over time, "re-organizes" the neural circuitry and the OCD is reduced bit by bit and eventually stops as the brain re-adapts to these changes.
You say you are concerned over harming yourself? I believe I can give you some comfort on this, these aren't just nice words, but facts. I look at it like this: We humans, men and women, did not evolve from uncertain ancestors, our ancestry was all about winning, staying ahead of the curve of nature and always going on, surviving, getting stronger, smarter and more adept at living in general. We didn't get here from wanting to harm ourselves and having fears of self-infliction at all. Hurting oneself or committing suicide is not only morally wrong, but also naturally wrong. It isn't correct. No individual was born wanting to harm him or herself, try to look at it from that perspective.
The problem with some aspects of psychology, not all of it, is the fact it is partially subjective but not in all areas. Everyone has their emotional problems even just once and psychology knows what these are and how to combat them but there are still areas of uncertainty. However, with recognition in neuroscience about how the brain has its role in mental ailments like depression and anxiety or anger control, it is a known FACT that if someone has mental issues, there is a little quirk going on with their brains, like the example I gave with OCD. Look at the disciplines like neuropsychology and evolutionary psychology.
Like the example you gave, of "what is preventing the heart from suddenly stopping", the reason it never stops is because it is just that way. Evolution is the reason. Our hearts are like organic Energizer Bunnies, they just keep going and going and going not because it "should" but because it is meant to. Take care your heart and it'll take care of you.
You will no doubt live much longer than 80 years of age, and live a happy life at that. Nothing controls you, you have control of your own life, just as we all do. So what keeps anyone from jumping out of a window when depressed? Well for one, it is not "naturally acceptable" two, most people see it as morally incorrect, three, do you see animals killing themselves? Animals have a lot more to deal with it in many ways out in the wild and have "hard times" but yet they don't kill themselves. Look at it this way, no person is programmed to kill themselves. Not one. I think their are other factors too, but I won't list them. Nothing when it comes down to you physically is really deterministic, like genes, it comes down more to probability. You do have contorl over that probability by what you do, like how active you are, what qualities or skills you use, what you eat and so forth.
Overall, psychology will one day by far more scientific than it is now probably, and will have greater accuracy than before. If someone has a phobia, it can be easily treated but the reason why there is a phobia is because one of their "brain circuits" isn't quite working right. But with therapies like ERP, this forces the brain circuits to work differently and with time and repitition, neuroplastic changes take place and the phobia is gone. Honestly, I think this fear you are having is something temporary and will go on its own but either way, know that it is a fact that you literally do have everything to live for and more to come in the future.
Best regards and take it easy, go day by day. :-)