What Is The First Step?

[ufcfan]

I'm at the end of my rope. I've been dealing with sever depression and anxiety for a long time now and I just can't take it much longer. I feel like there is a lot more wrong with me as well. I can barely make it to work anymore and I don't think I can keep working much longer. I take medication but I just feel like I'm going crazy and falling apart. I've been told by some people that I should try to get on disability but, I don't know how long it would take to get it or even if I would. I can't stop thinking about killing myself and I just want to know what's wrong with me. Is there anyone on this forum that can tell me what to do for disability? I'm really worried that I might end up hurting someone else too. My temper seems to get REALLY out of control. Please let me know what the first step is.

[Alonecryin]

I have alot of the same feelings that you have. " Why me? Why am I mentally sick?  " Please don't hurt yourself.  When I feel that way, I think of my kids and family and how that would hurt them so much,  if I were gone.
They are your precious gifts from God. Cherish them.  I have been having alot of problems with memory, not doing anything but sit in my bedroom. I have been more depressed, I think my meds are not working either. And I can't afford my meds anymore on unemployment. So I am stopping my meds. Go talk to your psychritist about a med change. I have decided to file for disability also, me being a Nurse, I feel I should not be working anymore.   Check with your local social security office, they might have a site also that you can fill out the application at home at your own pace.
Just keep praying & going on with your life, hope things get better for you.

[carmen802]

go back to your doctor and tell him how bad you are feeling and he will up your meds. Please don't hurt yourself or anyone else.There is always hope!!!

[mandapanda928]

Sounds like you have major depression, and i hope that you do not do any of that stuff because you deserve to live , and to be happy. If you are having thoughts about hurting others just remind yourself they are just thoughts, but if you are starting to get out of control and acting on them, then i would go see a therapist ASAP. When you are under that amount of stress it is not very likely that you are going to think clearly, it's not like you want to have these thoughts, they come because you are depressed. That is what makes depression worsen, AND also get the best of you. Your not GOING CRAZY but if you feel like you are falling apart get on medication that works for you, it is a trial and error thing but once you find what works you rediscover life , and you feel like yourself again, don't give up, and don't give in, don't let depression get the best of you. When you start to feel out of control with your temper try to write down some coping skills, Like instead of throwing something, or punching something, or hitting someone, draw on your hand " i will not use this hand for hurt I will use this hand to help others up" Just discover some coping skills. And it doesn't feel like it right now , but this is a stage and it will pass and you will discover and recognize sooner or later why it has happened . When your brain goes into overload mode a thousands extra pounds are put on your heart. But don't go and hurt yourself, it's not going to help you.

[JGF25]

First of all, your post is very disturbing.  "thinking about killing myself" and "worried that I might end up hurting someone else too."  What's up with that?  If you have severe depression and anxiety and are on meds then you obviously have a psychiatrist.  The meds you are on are not working apparently.  It's time to discuss other options.  If you are walking around in this kind of mood, then you need to call your psychiatrist pronto and get in there for a session or really sessions.  You should be seeing this person on a regular basis if you aren't already.  

As far as disability, you need to talk to your benefits office where you work.  Disability requires that you have a psychiatrist say that you are too disabled to work for starters.  It is not easy getting disability.  Companies don't want to pay you for not working so you will need to jump through quite a few hoops.  

I assume your temper is out of control because you are sick and tired of feeling like crap.  Again, you need to talk to your psychiatrist about this.  You can't just throw in the towel.  You are 26 years old and I'm sure you have a family that would miss you greatly.  Also, your mental health has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else so keep that in mind when your temper gets out of control.  Others have no control over your depression and anxiety and your resulting temper.  

Call the doctor now and make an appointment.  Get into group therapy so that you don't feel isolated with this disorder.  Don't give up, and don't hurt yourself or anyone else.  Believe me when I say that everyone on this forum has suffered from OCD, anxiety or depression or a combination of all of them.  We know where you are coming from but we also know that you have to keep trying.