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Avatar universal

What do I have? What medications would you recommend?

Hi. So to be honest, I'm a complete mess right now. I was engaged to someone, found out I was cheated on like halfway through the relationship. I was treated like crap throughout it all, very badly. Yet I still loved her. Eventually she ended the engagement because she couldn't give me the commitment I deserved. Since then she's come back to me like 3 times, I've taken her back everytime, and then she's ended it because she didn't want a relationship suddenly, and the last time it ended I was cheated on again, yet she was the one who ended it while I was willing to forgive her. I'm a good lookin, educated man, who everyone I've spoken with tells me I'm nuts for wanting to be with her still. And realize I've been getting toyed with throughout it all, and she doesn't care. Then suddenly has quit talking to me.

Sorry, just needed to give some background to this. I proposed to her, have never been as close to anyone in my life. And just being with her makes me feel like I'm in heaven, even after I've been lied to constantly and cheated on. And now, I really don't see us getting back together again and have had a very very hard time dealing with her suddenly not in my life anymore. I feel like the closest person who's ever been in my life has passed away (other than family of course).

I can't think straight. Every night its like I go to bed an hour later each night and am now probably not going to fall asleep til about noon. I am unemployed, have been getting interviews but have been turned down each time pretty much for the same reason of not having enough energy (my career is in marketing/sales). Its like she's been torturing me.. like every few weeks out of nowhere she says she misses me and wants to see me, I get all excited then all of a sudden she's unresponsive. I realize, I'm love with a person who probably has many issues. But I haven't been able to turn off my feelings, be mad, move on (because i have no money to meet anyone else right now). My mind keeps re-playing memories with her, if I said anything wrong, why she wants to be with me then doesn't.. back and forth. Its just been hell. Can't focus on anything but her.

Looking back, I tend to get way too close to people and have very strong emotions if I ever lose their friendship or have a breakup in a relationship. I know I'm a smart, capable person. But she's just driven me to complete depression, and anxiety. All I want to do is sleep, but can't. When I wake up, I have no clue what to do because she's not in my life. I'd rather just sleep all day and hope that one day I wake up and something good happens but I know things just don't happen like that.

I went to a doctor, just started taking xanax and wellbutrin sr. I know xanax is addicting but I'm hoping it and the wellbutrin can get me through these tough times and give me a boost to get my mind off of her and start focuzing on myself again and being happy and productive in life.

TO GET TO MY QUESTIONS -
What do you think I have? (Haven't made it to a psychiatrist yet). Could it be OCD? Since I can't focus on anything and can hardly ever without nicotine.. do I maybe have A.D.D as well? I obviously have depression and anxiety. I'm not afraid of people or anything but when first meeting people or talking on the phone I do get anxiety as well so maybe I have social anxiety too.

Also, what medications would you recommend? I've taken clonazepam in the past (very addicting as well), made me sleepy mostly. Citralopram has sexual side affects on me so I don't want that. I just don't know what's wrong with me and want to start living the way I know I'm capable of. And by the way, counseling/psychologists don't work for me because no one can get through to me usually, or sway my emotions, feelings and thoughts. I've always been the type to try and stay mentally strong and not go the route of medications.. but I'm at the point where I desperately need to, because I'm not a chemist and have no idea how the chemicals in my head are all interacting or what's going wrong in there. Didn't mean to write so much, but I had to let all this out and hope for some good feedback/suggestions! Thanks!
6 Responses
Avatar universal
hey man i dont usually reply to post, but i am gonna make an exception tonight because i think i can help in your case. first let me tell you i do understand what you're going through, having been to break ups myself. attachment is addicting. attachment and love stimulate the same brain circuits as amphetamines and cocaine. when you love or attached to somebody, your body releases chemicals that make you happy. that's why when that person is no longer in your life it feels like life isnt worth living. however there is hope buddy. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CREATING NEW GOOD ATTACHMENT AND LOVE FEELINGS. easier said than done i know but not impossible.
for one, i am sure you have hobbies and activities that make you happy, reinvest yourself in them.
second, EXERCISE. dude exercise is the best remedy. it makes you healthy and feel better about yourself and the ladies like muscles, really.
third, get as much sex as you can, no matter where you can get it. sounds crazy, but believe me, your body wont know the difference. as long as you're feeling good in your body, your brain will follow.
fourth, stay away from MEDICATIONS. dude, the drugs that you're given will probably make the pain go away for a while. guess what, they will change your brain's chemical structure, and that's worse than what you're going through right now.
man you are already having trouble with your emotional self, the sooner you fix that, the better your professional life will become.
i went through something like that a while ago and i thought it was the end for me. thank god i was able to overcome that and now i am doing quite well. i hope you get over that girl dude. if she doesnt care about you, let her go. that girl who used to treat like garbage wants me now. guess what, i laugh at her. not to be mean or anything, but i wont open again my heart to someone who will drag me in the dirt. good luck buddy.
Avatar universal
also if you have trouble sleeping, try benadryl or nyquil for a while until you get back to regular sleeping pattern
Avatar universal
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I really don't understand some people. Maybe she is just not mature enough to be with one man.
It does sound like you have anxiety and depression. OCD, I really don't think so. Did you have problems growing up with anyone leaving you? Did your parents divorce?
Have you ever been to a therapist that does CBT? It's a different kind of therapy and really helps a lot of people.
Yes, Xanax can be very additive. You may want to give one of the longer acting anti anxiety meds another try. Cymbalta is one of the more stimulating antidepressants so it sometimes does not help with anxiety.
I think if you take one of those job offers it would really help. I understand how hard it is when you have anxiety and depression. Hopefully the Cymbalta will kick in soon.
Avatar universal
I had no idea attachment and love stimulate the same brain circuits as amphetamines and cocaine, interesting. Yeah, I completely agree with you that finding other women to generate feelings for and having a lot of sex with others (safely obviously lol) definitely help. I would prefer that over medications but unfortunately am so broke at the moment (another great situation the ex put me in), so its nearly impossible to go out and date. And I'm living at the parents place right now to top it all off so I can't just bring girls here. Was living with the ex before and had nowhere else to go.  Honestly, all I want to do lately is go out and drink and hit on girls lol.. but yeah, no money really and that can end up getting me in worse situations than I'm already in, especially now that I'm on those medications so I've gotta be careful. You're right about exercise, its just a matter of energy with that, because I seriously don't feel like doing anything. I feel like I'm coming up with a bunch of excuses, but am really at an all time low. I've met some other women, have had sex with a very attractive girl within the last month, but end up comparing all those girls to her because her and my sex life were amazing and I don't know if I'll ever find someone who can be at that level. I hear ya about the medications.. I've had xanax before and know how addicting it is how how terrible withdrawals are.. which isn't good because I have an extremely addictive personality. But I seriously just needed something right now, and if I wasn't on xanax at the moment I'd probably be laying in bed thinking about her instead of typing this. Yet at the same time keep checking my phone to see if she's texted me. *****. I really like and appreciate your advice and attitude. I'm just way too forgiving of a person but need to grow a pair and get mad, stay mad, and remember the bad memories instead of the good ones. Easier said than done obviously. Yeah maybe I'll try some benadryl or nyquil because the xanax definitely doesnt make me tired.. im completely wired right now. Maybe I should have requested clonezapam instead and just take it at night.
Avatar universal
Thanks, yeah me neither. I've always been a nice guy and have faith and way too much trust in people. But am finally starting to realize that there are some evil, sick people in the world. Yeah, she isn't mature. I could go on and on about her but she's so spiteful for all I know she'd find what I'm writing somehow on here and try to hurt me in some other way. Yeah I dunno, the reason I mentioned OCD is because I definitely am obsessed with her. Not in a dangerous/crazy way or anything like that lol.. but in a way where its like.. when you get a song stuck in your head.. i have her stuck in my head and its on like infinite repeat. My parents are still married. I've had problems with close friendships gradually fading for whatever reason. Am definitely lonely now and counted on my ex to be not only my fiance or girlfriend but also my best friend. She was literally everything to me and I gave it my absolute all plus more effortwise into the relationship. Have never been as passionate about anything as I've been about her. I'm honestly not sure what CBT is, I'll have to look into it. I have been wondering if maybe there's some kind of hypnosis therapy to make me forget her or something? Who knows. Is Cymbalta wellbutrin?
Yeah I'm a little concerned that I just started taking xanax and it really hasn't had much of an affect on me. Which isn't typical with me.
Avatar universal
Cognitive behavioral therapy. You can google it to see what you think.
I do understand finding that one person you think you can not live without. Relationships should be give and take. Never hurtful. How have you done with other relationships? If the girl is good to you do you stay interested?  
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