Hello everyone,
I was wondering whether anyone of you has experienced something that had happened to me?
I was 10 years old when I jumped from my sleep, paralyzed with fear and I shouted to my mom "Here it comes, here it comes". I was just a little girl and had no idea what was happening to me. I was shaking and was barely able to walk or speak. My mom thought I just had a bad dream that scared me. But, I had the same feeling the following day, as if one side of my body suddenly starts vibrating or drifting in pulsing intervals followed by a dreadful fear. My heart start beating and I lose myself, it feels as if I am going insane and I can not stay calm. I get scared every time because I do not know what is happening to me, I start shaking just by thinking about that dreadful feeling. As a child I, used to explain it to myself as a fear "that is approaching", a fear I did not know the origin of. It had been lasting for about a month, daily vibrations followed by fear (several times a day, no matter what I was doing, whether I was playing, just sitting or sleeping). I consulted my doctor and all tests were good, I was even asked if I saw something when I shouted "here it comes", but I saw nothing. I was completely aware, oriented. Such seizures stopped, by I still have the fear they will return and I was never able to relax and was in constant fear. Such occurrence repeated a year after; again it lasted for about a month. Then it stopped and came back 2 years latter. The last time it happened was 12 years ago. So, for the last 12 years I do not have that drifting sensation, but I am constantly afraid that such episodes will reoccur. Most people have some anxiety panic attacks followed by similar symptoms - heart beating, fear of being alone on a bus, fear of confined spaces, sense that everything around disappears... I am unable to relax and I am always very tense (I am afraid, but I do not know what am I afraid of), but I am not sure can I link anxiety to what I am experiencing. All tests I have ever taken came back good. I often think maybe my problems are linked to my puberty and growing up, since it all started when I was still little. It is hard to speak about this with anyone, because when I was afraid and whenever anyone mentioned my fears I would put my hands over my ears and stop listening. I live in panic fear, waiting for that "drifting" sensation followed by panic fear and heart biting comes back. Often, when I lay in bed, I start shaking for no particular reason. Please, if you had similar experienced or know anything about this, please help me !