In a nutshell, I am the mother of seven children, married happily for 27 years, loved life, my kids, active, never depressed, and I was very excited about our new home. Life was pretty much a blessing and I was living what I had always dreamed I would.
The problem or problems - About 18 months ago (Aug - 07) we had a few things go very wrong with unlicensed contractor (not known to us) that damaged our home and the slope the home was build on. He paid off city inspectors (bribed) and the project went not inspected for code and voliations for 7 long months. The project was something my husband and I had worked many years to afford. It was our family's dream finally underconstruction.
Due to water leaking under the home from his irrigation line the complete scam was exposed. The damage he caused us and our home is so tremendous that we will never likely be made whole again. The court system is wonderful but, when you are being legally papered to death by insurance company's attorneys with endless checkboook funds and your homeowners insurance turns its back on you… You are left to live in a broken sick home with lots of children.
Some of the fall out.
Our home cracking in half, we have mold, foundation of slab sliding down the slope. Construction wise I could go on and on but the key factor is I am concerned about the tremendous mental change I have had both inside and out.
One of the main concerns is – These behaviors that never existed in me before and I don’t know how to stop them now that they have begun.
Habits, motions and behaviors.
They scare me and I am too embarrassed to discuss them with anyone.
1. Skin picking and biting – to the hand area, to the knuckles, palm and side of palms. To the point of serve pain, bleeding, scaring my hands.
2. Tongue motion repetitive to the front bottom teeth. To the point I think I am going to lose my mind. I try to hold the tongue between my teeth to stop it from moving but, I can’t and the motion begins again.
3. Jaw and teeth clenching, day and night – I don't even relized it is tightly clenched until the pain sets in. I have now chipped off the front left top tooth at the bottom. My front top two teeth are now loose and motion can be heard from my tongue moving them. My tongue also pulls them back mindlessly continuately during the waking hours.
4. Chest and stomach pain that comes and goes.
5. Heart beating motion in my neck and throat
6. Shortness of breath when discussing issues with our home along with dry tongue and mouth.
7. Unable to sleep at night, wanting to sleep if possible during the day. At times I have not slept for 2 day straight. On an average I sleep about 3 to 4 hours a night.
8. Fear to leave my home or my children
9. Loss of ability to focus on things, I can’t not mentally carry multiple thoughts, paths or ideas anymore.
10. Weight gain of 30 pounds
11. Inability to finish a task and stay a course to complete anything.
12. Loss of desire to get dressed or take pride in my appearance or our home
13. Crying, lots of crying and sadness, even though I know I am blessed and that things could always be worse.
14. Loss of mentally being in the moment or enjoyment in life. My children will be telling me something and the thoughts I have are not of what they are sharing. They are of the legal case and issues with our home.
15. Nightmares, horrible nightmares that make me scared to let myself go to sleep. Nightmares deal with the slope folding in on me or the pool shell. The Blackwidow spiders that invaded our empty pool shell. Of the employees of the city I live in "seeing me". Falling into the cement pool shell hole, etc.
I don't like the new me. How can I find the wife, mother and person I used to be. I can't risk taking any mind dulling drugs because I must continue to fight this legal battle to save us from drowning?
Thank you for any help you can offer me,
Damaged Mind, mother of Seven