Will my anxiety go away?

[lawero]

About 3 weeks ago I went out drinking with friends. It's normal for me to have a few drinks on the Friday or Saturday. It wasn't loads, maybe 4-5 pints. When I woke up on the Saturday, I had severe anxiety. My left arm at the top hurt and my heart was beating really hard. I usually work on my business at the weekend, but couldn't do anything due to the feeling.

I have had this feeling before, but not nearly as badly as then. I then went out on the Saturday, vowing not to drink too much. I didn't drink loads, maybe 5 glasses of wine, but woke up in a similar state, after not sleeping well at all.

Over the coming three weeks up until now, I have experienced sleepless nights, heart racing, negative thoughts that make my emotion almost fall into my stomach if that makes sense - preventing me from sleeping. In fact I can be very relaxed in my body, but my emotions and mind are on overload. I have also been gagging in the morning as I feel sick.

Some nights I have slept for less then an hour, but most nights I sleep until 5:30 and then cannot get back to sleep, even though I am shattered. I have not slept all the way through since that night.

I have felt anxious before and not slept, but never like this and never so prolonged. I have also started to feel very depressed in the morning when I wake up, which doesn't subside for a lot of the day.

After reading on the internet, I am worried I have developed and anxiety disorder, maybe Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I have always been a very optimistic person, so this is very out of character and although I probably worry more then the average joe, it is about fairly concrete things, such as financial matters.

To give a bit more background - I have been working at a place that is quite frankly awful. I have never in my life felt so worthless as I do there. My old boss hates me because she used to bully me and I brought the matter up with the director - they are very pally. Because of this, I went into defensive mode and colleagues started to say they disliked me - only a couple, but its a horrible feeling.

I have been working hard, creating a business over the last 12 months. The business is video production, which I have never done before, but lucky after spending a fortune to buy all the equipment on credit cards, I have found that I am good at it and have started to win some great contracts. This is what has seen me through my awful job and the breakup of my long term relationship.

I was so desperate to get out of that place, that I requested part time working so I could concentrate on my business, which was denied. So I booked all my holiday - one day a week (it was two days, but the director got pissed off that I was taking the **** as she had refused my part time working and I had to compromise). I have been working every night and weekends to make the business work and have been very knacked from it! I would sometimes have to sleep in my car for a few minutes before a meeting because I was so tired.

So now my holiday is running out. My director also now dislikes me. I have some great contracts on the books, but they are taking a long time to come off and me get the money in the bank and I have a huge amount of debt that I need to pay.

With all this going on and after a particularly bad day at the office, I phoned my old employer and asked if they had any part time jobs. They did and I have been accepted for a job there. All at the time when I am not sleeping, feeling anxious all day and depressed in the morning and finding it v.difficult to concentrate on my business. If I take the job, then I am very concerned that I will not have enough money coming in to cover my debts. I am also concerned that I will hate the job - I left for a reason and apparently it has got a lot worse.

On the flip side, I honestly don't think I can cope in this job any longer. I have taken 2 days sick to try and get perspective on the whole thing and decide whether I gamble it and go with the pt job or stick where I am and not cope or something else.

I think that everything has just mounted up and the pt job option was the preverbal straw that broke the camels back as it where. If I take it, I have the concerns mentioned above. If I don't, then I feel like I am still stuck in a job I hate and I won't get that opportunity to take the job again, plus with my holiday run out until Jan, not have enough time to concentrate on the business.

Also, because I feel so depressed and anxious, I have lost the will and confidence in my business in lots of ways. I have managed to convince myself that I cannot do it and am not creative.

I feel throughly stuck. If I do have this Generalised Anxiety Disorder, it says it gets worse with time, which is extremely worrying. Do I really want to put myself in a self employed position where I have lots more stress, especially as I haven't been doing it forever and although what I have produced so far was good, I have limited experience in the field. I also worry about being lonely running it on my own. I spoke with another video producer, who is very lonely and I don't want that to happen to me. Finally, if it all goes wrong and I need to get another job, I wonder if being self employed looks bad on your CV.

Having said all this - if I give up on my dream, I will always wonder what would have been and regret it i'm sure.

BTW - the anxiety usually comes in waves. Sometimes I can feel 70% the way I did before and then suddenly an onset will come, my heart will race, negative thoughts will come in my head and this will last several hours.

I am taking 5-HTP (a natural SSRI - antidepressant) and Rhodioa for the stress. This has helped me greatly, but the problems of anxiety and depression are still with me. Will I ever get better and back to my usual self I wonder!

It feels good to write this stuff down, therapy in a way. My friends and family have been absolutely fantastic and I am so lucky to have some amazing people around me. I realise the problem lies within, I'm just not sure yet how to get the perspective I need and wondered if anyone reading this might help me to do this.

My hope is that I can overcome this, learn a great deal and help others to do the same. But I look at a guy I know through a friend, who has become more and more depressed and anxious with time and I am fighting for that not to happen to me!

[hlak]

From personal experience, your anxiety can definitely go away!
A few months ago I started to experience most of the same symptoms as you. And like you, I researched it online. I also thought that I might have GAD, and freaked out at the fact that in most cases it would only get worse. I thought there was no hope and I was going to be stuck with anxiety and panic for the rest of my life.

Didn't happen. I'm still a pulse checker, but I don't have problem sleeping and almost all symptoms have subsided. I did it without taking meds also!

Tips:
-Exercise, Take Vitamins, Eat Healthy-when you know your treating your body right, you'll feel better physically and mentally
-You might want to consider seeing a counselor or just someone for you to talk to about your stress at work, etc. My parents were very helpful once I opened up to them. Crying helps relieve stress too. (even if your a boy) ha
-Stay away from Google, and even websites like this. I would frantically search on the internet for sometimes hours a day trying to find success stories, etc. It doesn't always help. Once I stayed away from the internet it really helped me stop thinking about it.
-Find other things to keep your mind on. Get excited for something-the weekend, a concert, a vacation something. Also if you feel an attack coming on run around, sing, or find someone to talk to to not think about it.
-Face the panic and eventually it will hit you that nothing bad will happen to you.

Remember it's possible to get over it, it won't get worse! You can do it. Good Luck!

[boogieman]

Hello. Ya, stress can have negative effects, even shorten ones life. It would be a good idea to get a medical evaluation to rule out any physical problems first. The correlation between the onset of these symptoms and drinking may be a factor. Be sure to be completely honest with your doctor. If no problems are found, the next step would be to consult with a psych professional to determine what sort of therapy would be beneficial. Meanwhile, things like nutrition and exercise can help, as well as expressing your feelings here or with those close to you. Best wishes, GM

[Myown]

ps. I forgot to say this,,,alcohol does rob your body of the "B" vitamins so that might be the reason why you feel anxiety after drinking. Prior to the stress at your job you were probably able to have a few and not feel any bad effects the next day such as anxiety.

[Myown]

I think its the stress you are under from your job. Stress really messes with the chemicals in your brain and it can affect you mentally and physically. It can actually lower your immune system. There is a book that I am reading,,,I believe its called The Molecules Of Emotion. And it really shows how our thoughts really do affect us in a big way.

Stress drains your vitamin B levels too and that could cause anxiety. You should have that checked or at least take a B complex.

I think you will be fine in time. You don't sound like a person that gives up and that is important.

I think you will find success in your business venture in time, and that will make a world of difference. I wouldn't concern myself about your worry of being lonely. You are able to express yourself very well and that will always draw people when you are able to hold a good conversation and I am sure you are.

Feel better and I wish you the best,
MO