Worried about son

[Gizmos182]

I don't know where to start. I have never had problems like this before so the state I am in has left me very frightened.  

Last Sunday my son aged 23 rang and asked if he could come and live back at home as his partner and mother of his 21 month old daughter had just told him she was not happy any more and wanted him to leave.  Nothing particular had happened - she just felt that way.  He does not have a brilliant relationship with his father hence phoning first to ask but my husband agreed so he came home.  He has been sleeping on the floor on a futon in the spare room since then with a TV and game console for company and only comes down to eat before saying he is tired and does not want to watch what we are on TV (my husband does watch total rubbish).  For the first three days he did  not go to work and was very distressed, crying and said he felt depressed.  His dad said if he did not go to work he had to leave so he went in Thursday but on Friday he came home at lunchtime saying he had a half day holiday booked.  He then went out again and I have now found out that he visited his partner's mother to say he still wanted to be with his partner and was going to book a surprise holiday for her 21st birthday in February.  Her mum said to hang in there (whatever that means) and she may change her mind in due course.  He then found out that she is leaving the rented house they were living in and will move into another one nearby in March.

My fear is that he is now dashing about looking for holidays, but she has no passport and would need to book time off work which are all problems but he cannot see it.  He is prone to depression and extreme emotional swings and on occasions in the past (previous failed relationship at 19) he had some distressing episodes and threatened suicide.  I am dreadfully afraid that he is getting his hopes raised and avoiding facing the situation which will end in disaster.  She has told him she is happy on her own and whilst she cannot tell what will happen in the future she does not want to get back with him yet.  

As a result of this I have reacted in a bizarre way.  I have an overwhelming feeling of dread and despair, I am trembling all the time, feel twitchy and agitated and have an overshelming sense of total doom. I cannot stop turning this over in my mind and cannot sleep, I am light headed and dizzy and my stomach is in knots.  I have a sense of deep sadness and want to cry all the time.  In short I am deeply afraid but not sure of what.  I spoke to the doctor on Friday who said it is natural for me to be anxious but to put it in perspective - he did not prescribe anything.  I am aware that medication and therapy can make matters such as this worse and create  problem where there isn't one but am terrified as I am worsening and am debilitated by fear.  What is wrong with me, I feel as if I am losing my mind?

[Heatherbabe]

LISten I UNDESTAND HOW YOU FEEL SO MUCH LOVE FOR YOUR SON. BUT HIS ACTIONS ARE HIS OWN.. HIS GIRL DOESN'T WANT THERE RELATIONSHIP FOR A REASON iF YOU LOVE HIM GET HIM INTO COUNSELING AS QUICK AS YOU CAN.. BECAUSE NUMBER ONE. HE IS SUICIDAL. AND NUMBER TWO BECAUSE HE IS YOUR SON.. NO ONE ELSES.. HE BELONGS TO YOU THE LOVING MOTHER WHO HAD HIM AND YOU ARE HAVING ALL OF THEM FEELINGS ( LOVING MOTHER ) BECAUSE YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN IN YOUR HEART , THE WAY HE IS... AND HE COULD GO OVER THE EDGE AND DO SOMETHING THAT TIME CAN NEVER HEAL. SO pleaSE JUST TALK VERY KINDLY TO HIM AND TELL YOUR HUSBAND TO DON'T PUSH HIM TO GO TO WORK hE NEEDS YOU GUYS TO FEEL FOR HIM IN A DEEP,DEEP WAY.. hE FEELS LOST i AM SURE. sO JUST FIND WAYS TO TALK TO HIM OPENLY AND GET HIM TO GO SEE A COUNSELOR.. IT WILL WORK i PROMISE. hE NEEDS SOMEONE TO JUST LISTEN. i AM SURE you AS A MOTHER IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IF ANYTHING DOES HAPPEN. REMEMBER THAT OKAY. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT AT ALL. SOMETIMES MOMS DO TO MUCH FOR THERE SONS. AND INSTEAD OF MAKING THEM STRONGER THEY MAKE THEM WEAKER IF YOU WANT HIM STRONGER THEN DON'T BABY HIM. TELL HIM TO GO TALK TO A COUNSELOR WHO DEALS WITH THEM ISSUES.. IN A MUCH BETTER WAY THAN YOU CAN.. AND RELAX.. HE WILL LISTEN ..OK ,OK

[bonnytiz]

Hi, I am so sorry you are going through all this, but it is a mirror image of what I have been going through, mine started last December (2 weeks before Xmas, which made it worse) all I can say is just be there for him and give him love and support, its so hard to see one of your family hurting and not being able to do anything except be there, but there isnt any more you can do. Tell him that nothing stays the same and it WILL get better but it takes time, my son is on anti depressants but wont eat properly but has started back at work again, sometimes he is really bad tempered and tends to take it out on me and I get very upset but try and tell myself that its not me really but it is very hard.Hang in there and take one day at a time.
I really sympathise because all the feelings you are going through are the same as mine, and I have PVC's and it makes them worse.Your mind goes round and round but it gets you  no where, I say its like a rat in a trap!!
Do lots of relaxation techniques, do you have any tapes you can listen to? It will improve. Lots of hugs, keep in touch.

[fuzzy882]

I understand just how you feel. My daughter and her husband went through this a while ago. It's hard because thats your baby and you dont want to see him go through this, and you want to make it all better for him. Right?  But it is out of your control now. Thats the hardest, that it is out of your control. It through me for a loop.  Here's my daughter, my 2 small grandsons on my doorstep OK now what?  And I felt I had to take matters in to my own hands.WRONG!  I was the one doing all the worring and things worked out in spite of ME. (thank God)  

So ya see Mom, I think you got to step back and roll with the flow. All your worrying is not going to change anything. Talk to your son and tell him what your thoughts are and try to let it be. Support and Love him.

[maz135]

It sounds like panic attacks/depression that has been exacerbated by your concern over you son.  No you are not losing your mind,   I would call your dr. again and ask if he could recommend another dr. you could call that specializes in this.  

God Bless.
Mary