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anxiety, crying,fear of never being my old self again

I cry and have enormous fear every single day.
I panic/anxiety every single day and I fear for my health, because I am of the belief that  all the daily stress is shortening my life .
Have had this for over four yrs. since my son stopped talking to me.

He has accused me of things that never happened.' My entire family ( every single one of them) says that he is out of his mind in this way of  thinking.
He has always tried to change me. He's embarrassed that I am not a traveler, and I am not social enough for his liking. He also feels this way about his Dad,  >> yet he always gives him a pass.

He also feels this way about his Brothers. He's always been the so called "COOL BROTHER" with friends that have the best cars, clothes, homes... while we.... his family, were only middle class.
He has always chased the dollar.... while the rest of us weren't of that same ILK!

A few months ago NEVER told me that he and his wife were going to have their 1st child., yet he did tell his Father that he was going to be a "Grandfather". I found out by accident that the baby was born, and that it was a girl, through a friend of one of my other sons..
   Something was LOST in my soul because I love my son and I can't reconcile it with my brain that he feels this way about me.
I take lorazepam 2x daily  to help my mind get dull and stop the crying and panicking.
Sometimes it works.... other times , it doesn't.

I went to a Psychologist  for over 3 months, and while he did help some ,it wasn't helping enough.

I love my son and I forgave him instantly..........However I will never feel relaxed enough to be in his company again, knowing that he has spoken his true heart about what he thinks, and feels about me.

   Their baby is now  21/2 months old and he took the joy away from me that I, as a 1st time new Grandma would have been able to bestow on all of them. Those important wasted moments cannot ever be recaptured.

I am afraid that I will wind up loosing my mind over this.I am 71 yrs. young , and to have this happen to me at this time in my life ,has made me so unsure of every thing in the past ,and future.

This  is the scariest thing ever. I want to get better, and I am not doing a good job at it.
My two other sons are destroyed over what their brother has done to me, and they will never speak to him again    ever.
Sorry to be so long winded....... Can anyone give me advice on how I cn overcome my daily anxiety/ panic attacks? Please help ;0)
PS:  The son I'm telling you about is 45 yrs. old... and a 1st time Father.
1 Responses
2019697 tn?1334153847
Sorry to hear you have to go through this tough time at your age. You will always love your Son unconditionally but you have to love yourself too. He has torn your heart apart for what reason I cant understand.

It sounds like he has some deep rooted issues and is taking them out on you. You have nothing to feel guilty about and must move on to preserve your health and happiness. do not allow him to continue to hurt you.
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Arlington, WA
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