anxiety relasp

[worrykid]

well i'm 19 but i joined this forum last year around this time because i was going through a rough patch in my life were my ex-girlfriend was leaving home to go away for school. We only dated for 8 months but have been close friends for 3 years. and i mean texting and e-mailing everyday for those 3 years. I went through about a month of depression and it was awefull. I lost 15 pounds and my weight had not changed before that in over 4 years. I couldnt sleep, and every day i would wake up with that naught in my stomach and anxious thoughts racing around in my mind. I went to counselling and even meditation courses and it acually worked. My anxiety had died down and I barely noticed. I gained the weight back (plus a little more :s haha) i was sleeping in and life seam to be back to normal. Now lets fast forward to this past sunday febuary 28, 2010. I woke up like any other morning and there was that naught in my stomach again. It's such a distinc feeling that i new that it was my anxiety. For over a week now its been there and it only seams to get worse now. I went and saw my counselor and told her about my anxious thoughts and after i left i felt very calm and as if it was only a minor set back. However my anxiety is still here and I tried the meditation practice that i learned but it only temperarily helped. then again meditation takes a while of practice to really make a difference so im going to keep doing the practice.

The reason why im posting this is because im worry about relapsing into what i went through last year and thats the last place i whanna be. I worked so hard to beat it and now its coming back. I'm looking for any thoughts, any advice, any support that people want to pass on.

[RubyWitch]

You have written:

"Like i have this irraitonal fear that one day im just gonna wake up and whanna kill myself"
"That if im not happy in life that ill kill myself"
"if I get stuck with a wife that i stop loving one day and a career I hate, that im gonna get board with life and kill my self"

That, my friend, is a lot of talk about killing yourself. And while I agree wholeheartedly that it is irrational, that just says to me that you need help now before these thoughts BECOME rational.

You then write:
"Again these are just my irrational fears and I do not want to die, at all!"

So, while those are encouraging words, most of us would write that we fear dying, not that we fear killing ourselves...............I trust you can understand my concern.

While I believe that most people have apprehension(s) about their futures, even some anxiety, the extent to which you express your anxiety is a little disturbing to me.
I would make an appointment with your doctor for a check up to rule out a physical reason for your anxiety and get a referral to a therapist to discuss what you have termed, "the constant irrational thoughts."

I strongly believe you need help chanelling your thinking away from "killing myself" into a much more positive direction.
We are always here if you need to talk.
I wish you the best.
Peace
Greenlydia

[worrykid]

thanks everyone for posting your comments and support, i appreciate it. I find that I worry a lot about things i believe that i cannot control,that its something that no matter what i do its gonna happen. Like i have this irraitonal fear that one day im just gonna wake up and whanna kill myself. I don't want to by any means, I love my family and im in school and want to have kids and a family of my own one day. But the thought of that is just killing me inside. Now i have fears that are feeding off that one. That if im not happy in life that ill kill myself, or that if I get stuck with a wife that i stop loving one day and a career I hate, that im gonna get board with life and kill my self. Again these are just my irrational fears and I do not want to die, at all!

My question is ,is this just simple old anxiety and my mind just really messing with me, or do I possible have a disorder like GAD (generalied anxiety disorder). I know people say don't look up the symptoms on google cuz it only makes it worse but I did anyway and for some of them they ring true with me. Like the constant irrational thoughts. Although for me its really just the para-suicidal thoughts. If anyone has any advice or anything to share feel free.

Worry Kid

[RubyWitch]

Some very lucky people only have one episode of real anxiety in their entire lives. But for many of us who are prone to this disorder, we are lucky if it goes into "remission" for awhile. Sometime that remission can last for years. Sometimes not.
I'm sorry that yours has returned. But you did the right thing. You got right back with your therapist and you began your meditation again. You said yourself that that can take awhile to work, so stick with it since it helped you so much last time. And keep seeing your therapist. You need to figure out what triggered this new episode. I don't blame you for not wanting to go back to the way you were. Nobody actually LIKES having anxiety, so that is why we have found ways to deal with it.
You workded hard to beat it last time and you will probably have to work hard to beat it again. But this time, you understand it better, so that puts you ahead of the game.
Keep seeing your therapist, meditate, perhaps get a good check up from your doctor just to rule out an organic reason, keep busy and eat well, rest and read some posts on here so you'll see that many people feel the same things you do. You'll learn some good coping strategies here and you can always post if you want to just talk, we're always here.
You'll win again........
Peace
Greenlydia    

[chesney6008]

a big problem you have is the worring. i no its impossible not to worry about it but everyonce in a while you will have another anxiety attack. the trick is not to think about having another one. the best thing to do is to say in over a year ive only had one.thats not bad at all. one a year is nothing. my problem is always anticiaptin the next one and preparing for it. if i didnt do that the thought would be out of my head and id be fine. but its not that easy. keep going to your counsler and just practice your meditation that will calm you down better than anything. just DONT think about haveing them again and if one comes along take deep breaths and it will eventually pass. they always will. I hope this helps. let me know if u have anymore questions ive been dealing with this along time. Good Luck