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borderline personality disorder? ocd? or just anxiety

ive recently come across borderline personality disorder. after doing research for a couple of hours, i think this might be my case. i fit the symptoms such as depression, anxiety, obsessive thoughts about whats wrong with me, social anxiety, up and down with relationships, and indecisive. I tend to just go with the flow of what everyone else is doing because i dont really have an opinion. i suffer from pretty low self esteem sometimes, unless im around some of my good friends. im terrible at meeting new people, i dont know how to act around them and i get extremely nervous and freeze up. i always feel like other people are judging me too.. however, i do not really have random outbursts of rage for no reason. i remember getting mad as hell when i had a job at subway and customers would come in and annoy me. Like everything they did pissed me off some days, while other days i was fine. i have mood swings alot. i also used to have symptoms of HOCD. Ive posted a couple times on here already about this question but i always feel like i leave stuff out..

more about me is that i always seem to mimic other peoples personalities, like i dont have my own, at least in social situations. When im by myself im usually fine. Im also disorganized and lose things like my keys and wallet all of the time. I have a hard time focusing on things, and sometimes i take adderall and that makes me feel semi-normal for a while.

ive watched videos on youtube about poeple with borderline personality, and cant really tell if i have it or not. i may share some of the symptoms, but im not sure if they are all the way severe enough to be the disorder. Maybe i just have really bad anxiety?

and another thing im 21, i used to get in a lot of trouble throughout highschool with alcohol and stuff. my father died when i was 12, so maybe im just trying to find myself since i didnt really have a role model? or are these symptoms severe enough to be a disorder?

i still feel like im leaving stuff out... anyways.. any advice would be great. thanks.
10 Responses
Avatar universal
Keep posting as much as you need to if you feel you're leaving anything out. We're here to listen and help if we can.
I'm sorry but we can not give you a diagnosis, only your Dr can do that. We can give you our opinions and advice though.
Have you ever been in counseling, did you go after losing your father? If you have never been to therapy I would highly recommend it because I do think it may really help you.
Can I ask why you take Adderall and if your Dr prescribed it?
Avatar universal
No I have never been to counseling. My brother did tho but he is struggling pretty bad with his own problems. My dr. Prescribed it, but only because I wanted him to. I take it usually to study for finals. Or when I'm going to work. Im more social on it and for a while it seems to make me feel normal...
Im wondering if OCD can make you feel like you have borderline? And social anxiety and OCD combined can resemble borderline? Sometimes I'l feel like I definitely have it, but then other times I'll be like "what was I thinkin of course I don't" but it would explain why im so awkward around people and my alcohol abuse. I've never tried cutting myself or anything. Or even been suicidal at all. I play sports in college. When I'm alone I'm fine, it also when I'm alone my obsessive thoughts are there. When I'm around people that are outside my tight group of friends I feel anxious as hell inside. I'm really hoping I don't have bpd, but I do fit most of the symptoms. But I feel like mine are due to other reasons... Idk. What do u think? This is my form of therapy right now until I can afford to see a professional.
Avatar universal
No I have never been to counseling. My brother did tho but he is struggling pretty bad with his own problems. My dr. Prescribed it, but only because I wanted him to. I take it usually to study for finals. Or when I'm going to work. Im more social on it and for a while it seems to make me feel normal...
Im wondering if OCD can make you feel like you have borderline? And social anxiety and OCD combined can resemble borderline? Sometimes I'l feel like I definitely have it, but then other times I'll be like "what was I thinkin of course I don't" but it would explain why im so awkward around people and my alcohol abuse. I've never tried cutting myself or anything. Or even been suicidal at all. I play sports in college. When I'm alone I'm fine, it also when I'm alone my obsessive thoughts are there. When I'm around people that are outside my tight group of friends I feel anxious as hell inside. I'm really hoping I don't have bpd, but I do fit most of the symptoms. But I feel like mine are due to other reasons... Idk. What do u think? This is my form of therapy right now until I can afford to see a professional.
Avatar universal
i recently read another article on the bpd and it was talking about relationships and maturing and stuff.. it got me thinking back to old girlfriends and stuff and i realized i couldnt maintain a healthy relationship with these girls, thats why we broke up. my first one i broke up with her for no reason i think.. i guess i just didnt like it.. the one that really stuck out to me was the one when i graduated highschool. i noticed sometimes i would really love her, and sometimes i would think ahhh shes really makin me mad, im gunnna break up with her. i cant remember why i would feel this way with her.. i just would. it was also during this time that i was having really eractic behavior, getting drunk too much, doing crazy things, ext.. does this sound like the disorder? or just a teenager strugglilng being a teenager..

now im currently talking to two different girls. one for over a year, but it is a distance thing because we met over a summer when i was in a different state. we didnt intend on our relationship to turn into this but it has, and the other girl is one i met in college last semester. the second one was considered "my girlfirend" but i had no intention on that either. i didnt want to get involved with her because of the 1st long distance one. i just didnt feel the same about her. but then other times i do feel like i love her. same with the other chick thats distance, its like i dont know what i truely feel? maybe im just scared of commitment? or hesitant? or does this sound like the disorder?

and the other thing i saw from the article that got me thinking again was that people with the disorder sometimes wil be stuck in the same mental state or age as when the bad thing happened. i have been feeling like im not growing like the rest of my peers in terms of mentally and maturity.. but i usually just shrugged it off as being who i was or whatever.. now im starting to see all these things are characteristics of the disorder.. what do yall think?
1 Comments
I feel like I wrote this. I had this crop up worse when I went to college (several years ago). I was seeing myself. I feel like i have health ocd, i spent lots of time thinking about who i am and how my past traumas affected it, trying to figure it out. It could be bpd, could be ocd, ive even found myself in the autism spectrum which maybe you could explore. Ptsd was a lot of it, when you have ptsd at a young age it feels like it derails your development. I dont know but i feel you and i hope youre doing better now with help
480448 tn?1426952138
The problem is, you are trying to figure this out yourself.  You need to leave that up to a professional.  You need to be assessed by a psychiatrist who can thoroughly evaluate you and offer you an accurate diagnosis.  They have very strict criteria they use to assist them in coming to an appropriate diagnosis.

From there, the psych will offer different treatment options, which would likely include medications and therapy.  Meds and therapy are both much more successful when used concurrently, rather than just one or the other.

Again, stop chasing your tail trying to figure this out.  You may very well be on the right path, but you clearly need to address this, as you've been stuck in  the anxiety cycle far too long.
Avatar universal
I want to see a therapist but I can't afford it right now. That's why I'm posting on this thing..
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