Dealing with my brother's death

[Malolwana]

I lost my brother in December 2007, he was shot, my phone was in the car the next day I saw 33 missed calls, when I returned the call I was informed that he had been shot. He went through 7 days of pain in hospital after that he passed away. It was the most traumatic moment of my life but I wanted to be strong for him and I never cired at hte time because I didn't want him to think he was it a worst condition. I was fine after that but now 2 yrs later I get scared when my husband is not yet back from work. When a phone rings its as if its going to say something bad has happened to him like an accident or something like that.

[Malolwana]

I'm so moved by your comments guys, you have no idea what it means to have people that understand what I'm going thru, you all agree that I need to see a therapist and also with time I'll learn to live with it, thank you so much.

[mammo]

I lost a a brother, a son and a gandson and we NEVER get over this type of loss.  We learn to move on, to cope, we manage.  It does get easier, I don't know how or why, just that it does.  Often you will think of your brother and smile, other times you will cry.  Your brother would want you to be happy, and you must carry on his memory thru you!  But there are no words of comfort right now, just that you try to keep moving forward with your life.  We do have choices in life, but often life chooses for us, and it can be very difficult to accept these choices which we have no control over.  Therapy is very beneficial, and helping others will help you.  Take care.

[peggy64]

This sounds like PTSD.

You have gone through a terrible ordeal, and then suppressed it to remain strong for your brother. Now it is time to get some help for yourself.

I don't really know your brother, but I would imagine that that is what your brother would want for you.

I am so sorry for your loss. But the possibilities are there. You can overcome this, and then go on to help others who have had to endure this kind of tragedy.We all have choices to make in our lives when difficulties come our way.  Make something good out of something so horrendous. It is your choice.(I bet your brother would want that for you too)

[cheshchesh819]

yes she will get through this,but how can you get over it,the loss of someone so close to you is terrible and to get over it as you say would mean to forget it,so my question is how do you do that,i would never get over the loss of my step mum and dad i have learnt to live with it but i will never get over it.

[rikuxlol]

what?  anyone has the power to get over anything.  

but malolwa,  what's happening to you is natural.  it will be good to see a therapist indeed.  
but also remember. you can get through and over it.

[mammo]

I am so sorry for your tragic loss.  You did the right thing by being strong for your brother, it gave him peace.  But you probably continued to keep pretending to be strong and never truly mourned your loss.  When we do this, it does come back to haunt us and forces us to deal with it.  This excessive worry stems from what happened to your brother, and therapy will help you to overcome this worry, and cope with your loss. I do wish you all the best, and take care.

[cheshchesh819]

You have been through a great deal,not only did you lose your brother in such a tragic way you didnt grieve as you had to be strong for him,now 2 years on you are feeling the sadness the fear and the loss,it is only natural what you are going through,you need to grieve properly,you will never get over this but maybe with help and support you will be able to ease the hurt and learn to cope with the fears that you haveat the moment,please ask about speaking to a theripist about this my thoughts are with you.