Welcome to the world of anxiety. It is a very strange thing that does some strange things to us all. What you are doing is focusing more on the heart side of things. It is no uncommon. Someone else might focus more on pins and needles and someone else on headaches. We tend to pick up on one main symptom and give that or full attention. If you read around the forum I am sure you will see many posters who assume there must be something a lot worse wrong with them because of their heart and the way they feel it beating. The heart quickens during anxious moments. Just to pump more blood to the parts of the body where it is needed most. At least I think that is why it beats a lot faster. Because of your thinking it senses danger. The danger you have created. I know it is not easy to view this and see me say ' but it is all in your head '. That is the last thing you would want to hear. Trust me, the symptoms are so real. What you feel is happening. I am not saying that it is not. But you have the power to control it. That is my point. Can be hard to learn how to control it. Best way to start is not to give your heart so much attention next time you imagine there is something wrong. The less you focus on it, the less you will notice. Every little ache and pain some anxiety sufferers tend to make a lot worse. They begin to panic. Thus making the situation a lot worse. Have you tried any form of theraphy? You'll hear the same things I am saying here. But at least you will have someone to work with you. To show how to control your anxiety. To show you forms of distraction. Hope this has been of some help.
My anxiety had originally originated from a concern over heart health. I to had every test under the sun saying that I was good to go. I did not want to believe it; I knew SOMETHING had to be wrong when feeling every pain, palp, etc...the 'what if?' thinking took control and I believed that this could not in anyway be anxiety related.
Remember, when we first suffer from this, in my opinion, we feel isolated, scared, confused, etc. I didn't know what was going on and I thought my experience was unique until I started to understand and embrace it. You will also see through this forum, that there are many people here with almost the EXACT same experience that you are having...to include me. The good news is that it is EXTREMELY managable and I believe that it has made me a much more well rounded person and I am actually pretty thankful for it. I am more paitient, enjoy life, and listen much better than I ever did before this.
Now, there is no magic pill that will cure you of this in my experience. I am a big proponent of medication COMBINED with talk therapy. You will get a whole myriad of advice here and remember, that is what it is...we are not doctors but many of us have been through the same thing you are going through. At first, I was EXTREMELY against ANY forms of medication but finally captiulated and took the advice of a therapist. It was the best advice I had ever taken. You will hear many horror stories about these meds, but remember for every bad story you hear, there are literally thousands of success stories; heck I get more side effects from taking a Claritan then I do from anything else.
Whatever avenue you decide to take is totally up to you. I am by no means trying to be a pill pusher. There are many people I know that have done this without any forms of medication..there is no right or wrong way to do this, but the most important step you can take is to go learn about it through talk therapy. Please keep us posted!
Yep, I agree with Mr Green. Have you been to a psychologist? Have you been checked out for post natal depression? Had the mongrel of a thing for (at least) five years, nearly drove me bonkers, got so bad I was just about agrophobic. Dioriented, heart palpitations, pain, panic, same as you. I suffered on through it silentely for years till FINALLY it abated, that was many many moons ago.
As an aside, I have been studying genelaogy and finding relative all over the world, and the one question I wanted to ask them was "do you or anyone in your family have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder", odd question I know, but I just wanted to find out exactly where the faulty gene that in some form of anxiety or another, mostly OCD came from, and you know what, I did. One correspondent was a well respected psychiatrist who told me there was a lot of "unique" persons in the family, and of his 5 daughters, 3 were severely affected by anorexia,another was a coach over in the USA who drove his wife mad.
I also found and corresponded with a second cousin in England who I found on the net, Lovely girl,she has two beautiful children, 9 and 7. Her post natal depression is SO bad, she has been on every tablet known to man, and NOTHING can stop her feeling of black depression, so much so, she, she won't let anyone visit her (I wanted to meet her when we went over there in July, but she was too scared - I live in Australia), her husband has had to give up work to take care of her full time. I find her whole situation SO bad.
You are very young and taking on a lot, being a mother to two little kiddlings, and being a full time student, is a full load in anyones terms, I don't suppose you have a full time nanny, housekeeper and cleaner? just a few more task to add to your load? What a huge amount of stress you must be under.
Lavender, I don't think you are crazy, and neither do I think there is anything wrong with your heart. Anxiety is a ******* of a thing, totally irrational and can strike anyone, it lurks around waiting to pounce when you are at your most vulnerable, and clings on so tight, the little mongrel is very hard to shake. But you will shake him off, and you will get better, just follow Mr Green's advice.
Have a lovely christmas with your babies and your family. Christmas and children, ah, the excitement of Santa bringing all those lovely presents, a magical time.
Rest and relax over the holidays, get in some funny videos that make you really laugh (still love those Vacation movies, there is something about Chevy Chase movies...........) or read a good romantic novel that makes you cry, then, after Christmas, seek professional help, it doesn't mean you are crazy, and doesn't mean you are weak, they are the experts that can help you mend. It will go away, and you WILL feel normal again.
Sorry to rabbit on, but I too was once a young mother with two young children who went through very similar.
Your situation sounds very much like mine. Im sure reading through these boards you will read the same from a lot of people. Anxiety is the evil of all evils to me. I often say id much rather have a physical illness, then as well as being able to treat better, other people would be more sympathetic towards your symptoms. When people hear the word "anxiety" or "panic attack" "mental illness" they just assume its all in your head and you can just "snap" out of it. If only it were that easy. I had postnatal depression after having my 3rd child. IT was horrendous. I could do anything for myself, i dont really remember my son being a baby. It took me 9 months to start feeling better, but i did. And when i did feel better i was a stronger person for it. I had more patience. I was more ougoing. A lot happier. Unfortuanalty i have had a relapse and now suffer panic attacks and anxiety. At first it was so severe, but slowly it is getting better. Some days this forum is my first stop because i feel like i need to be reasured. Today in perticular isnt a great day. I had a palp this morning and my thoughts are all abnout that now. I havnt got anything to be anxious about, but as always, its still there, waiting to eat me up! Feel free to message me if you want to talk. I know what you are going through. I might not be able to help much, but sometimes hjust having someone to listen to you helps.
Take care and have a good christmas
Hi there, cant say much more I agree with mr green, please beleave, if you have had all the tests then please try and be reasurred, I myself suffer the awlful heart flutters and the bumping heart and its not nice but my doctor after all my tests came back normal told me I was making myself aware of my heart beating well we know all that but when you also have anxiety like myself its very hard to except, but that is anxiety,
and have a wonderful christmas.