Try therapy because your situation is something that needs to be discussed with someone who has experience and can help you.
I'm so sorry for your suffering.
The symptoms/details you posted indicate social anxiety.
Anxiety has different faces and its effects manifest in a various ways.
Therapy can make a difference like AnxiousNoMore mentioned, when you hook up with a good therapist and can be in sync with.
Often there's a disconnect between Therapist and Client
which may result in wasting your money and time.
So finding the "right" Therapist is vital.
I've had success both personally as a client and as a Therapist with Spiritual Psychotherapy using Chakra balancing, as well as Advanced Emotional Freedom Techniques.
You may want to also look into counselling for alcoholism,
which may be available to you at no charge.
Just check out the list of services and resources offered in your area.