im suffering from really bad anxiety towards HIV. ive had unprotected sex this year more the 5 times with different guys. all guys from my neighbor hood and i still talk to mostly all of them except for one. he deleted off all social network but i think he did that after i saw him at a party and i ignored him. i've been going through alot of pain and ive gotten tested already twice first time 3 weeks after my last exposure and 13 weeks after. both test negative. im going again in 13 weeks. ive been having really bad headaches, chest pains, lower back pains, jaw pain at a point, my hands hurts alot feeling like pins and needles or sometimes i get joint or muscles pains on my arms, ive also have really itchy tonsils and tonsil stones, my throat doesnt hurt but i did get the flu back in May and i felt like i couldnt breath but i also have asthma.my lymph nodes did hurt at that time and i got a sore throat. my skin has been very sensitive. im not itchy though i just bruise easliy or maybe i always have but i just noticed. i also got a yeast infection. i feel like something in my throat is swollen. maybe my lymph nodes. last night i went to sleep stressed out i had a night sweat. but also back in feburary i started having really bad leg pain like on my hip shooting done all the way to my knee,bone pain. it started off everytime i was resting and now its everytime i stand for a long time, or walk alot. its pain that wakes me up in the middle of the night. i cry at times. ive had exrays done and MRI's done. they havent found anything. im having another MRI done on my knee and lower back. i feel like somethings not right. i looked up what it could be luekemia also popped up. somewhat similiar symtoms too HIV. headaches, swollen lymph nodes, fatigue ,weakness, loss of appetite , weight loss, night sweats, bone and joint pain, abdominal discomfort. ive had all of these symtoms except no puking or diarhea. i dont think ive had fever. i had physical though and everything came out ok on my red and white blood cells count. i dont understand whats happening is this all anxiety have i been infected, have i infected others, i just want to know so i can start taking care of myself. i dont feel right, i just want to know if im ok. my mother thinks im crazy, my friends are tired of hearing it, idk what to do, i broke with my boyfriend but theres just soo much going on in my head. ive only had unprocted sex with him once and made get checked , he came out negative on everything apparenlty. ive done alot of bad things but it does not make me a bad person, ive made alot mistakes in my life, i know gods not going to let me go through anything i cant handle. im a strong women only 21 years old i'll be 22 this year.im going to love my life reguardless of what happens. i cant let any of this destroy me. i need be strong for my mom and dad and especially for myself. i keep dreaming of my dad. i feel soo ashamed of just my actions yet i dont stop. i've had problems throughtout my whole life. i was molested 2 times by 2 different cousins. one at the age 5 that was an everyday thing. and another time when my family took a trip to chicago my 14 year old cousin wouldnt stop, i was only 8. those are things that have scarred me for years. i feel like im a sexual person because of that. i feel like i dont care about myself enough. i was raised with a meth head uncle. my parents got divorced when i was 5. i moved alot with my mom and brother,we all shared the same bed for years. life was hard and i feel like im not making it any better. i think about everything ive done wrong in my life, everyday and i ask god just give me the patients to keep moving foward. i want to be a hairstylist, i want to own my own shop, i want to find someone that im going to spend the rest of my life with, i want kids and a nice home, i want to be a good mother. i feel like i've destroyed all of that. i wont ever get to experience any of that, if im sick.