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Avatar universal

hiv anxiety

I have been suffering with HIV anxiety longer than I can remember, well 18 months since I gave oral sex. I have had every symptom in the correct tine scale, my partner has had a dry cough for the last 6 weeks and has just had a chest xray. I am so scared, so terrified we both have HIV, the guys at the HIV forum say its impossible to get HIV from oral sex. Please don't just say get tested as I am too scared. I am absolutely frightened to death that I have infected my partner, guilt is coursing through my veins, I have constant swollen glands, well every other week. I would die happily today if it meant my partner was ok. Could somebody please talk to me, I am so scared and alone and I don't know what yo do. Have any other people gone through this? Its tearing me apart and I feel as if there is no long term future for us, we have two beautiful toddlers, and I am petrified of what the future holds for them. Thanks
9 Responses
1699033 tn?1514116733
How long have you and your partner been together exclusively?  I apologize but I'm just trying to figure out the time frame here.  You mentioned you have toddlers so you must have been together for longer than 18 months?  

I'm sure the people on the HIV forum, who by the way are very, very knowledgeable, are correct.  However, what you have to realize is that the amount of stress you are putting on yourself can manifest itself in the way of symptoms.  I know it sounds strange but that is how our body works.  High levels of stress lowers our immune system's ability to fight off infection and so if you do get sick and you are an HIV anxiety person, of course any symptoms you have are going to be attributed to HIV.  That is your mind doing a number on you.  

If your life is revolving around HIV anxiety, then it is time to visit a psychologist so that you can learn CBT.  You need to learn ways to get yourself out of this irrational thinking mode.  It is definitely time to be proactive.  I know you don't want a test, but in reality that may be what sets your mind at ease.   It is different for everyone.  Try a psychologist and go from there.

Good luck and take care.
Avatar universal
5 years we have been together. I know a test would cure all my issues because I would believe it. I hope to pluck up the courage one day. I know the moderators are right and its the fear of a conclusive positive result which is dropping me, even though I'm 99.99% sure it would be negative. I have suffered a lot in the last couple of years, I saw my mother die of pancreatic cancer 6 weeks after diagnosis, o watched my grandma die in hospital, I saw ny grandad die of leukemia, my dad suffering emphysema, all in the last 4 years. Thank you for your help friend
370181 tn?1428180348
If your username has anything to do with your current state of mind, as the above poster stated, you need psychological help. Sooner than later.

Try going to the HIV Anxiety Group..........you'll find it under "Groups" at the bottom of the main index of forums. They can offer you a great deal of reassurance.

You never had a risk and you do not need to be tested. You have NOTHING to pass on to your partner or your children except your fear and anxiety.

Get tested if you want. It's your money. But your deep seated paranoia and lack of education about HIV probably won't allow you to accept the negative result you'll be given.
You've already wasted 18 months of your life to a fear you had no reason to feel. How much more are you willing to give up?
370181 tn?1428180348
If you KNOW getting tested would "cure" all your issues because you would believe it, and if you feel 99.99% SURE the test would be negative, why are you having such a difficult time "plucking" up the courage to have it done? Do it and be done, get on with your life.
No matter how much we fear results from ANY test, it is better to know so we can do something about it. I work in a hospital and can't tell you the number of times I've heard people say "IF ONLY I'd had this checked out two years ago..........."
I still stand firmly behind the assessment you were given on the HIV Prevention Forum and what I've told you. You do not have HIV. You never had a risk and you do not need to be tested.
But you must make up your own mind which direction to take this. Spend your time living in fear or suck it up and get tested.

I'm sorry you have lost so many people in the last 4 years. That's rough. Add on the 18 months you've been living in fear about HIV and what you have is a recipe for depression.

I think for you, possibly, the best course of action would be to find that courage to get tested NOW, (even though you have no need to) get your negative results and then get into therapy to deal with all the fear and grief you've had in your life.

If you don't owe it to yourself to crawl out of the hole you're in, you do owe it to your children.

I wish you the best
Peace
Greenlydia
Avatar universal
Thank you so much Green Lydia
480448 tn?1426952138
This bears repeating!!!!!......

I think for you, possibly, the best course of action would be to find that courage to get tested NOW, (even though you have no need to) get your negative results and then get into therapy to deal with all the fear and grief you've had in your life.

If you don't owe it to yourself to crawl out of the hole you're in, you do owe it to your children.

Avatar universal
Dear Doctor,

I have done a great mistake in my life yesterday , I did unprotected sex with commerical sexworker for 1 time about  8 mins like that , i am 40 years old , sir, when can i take conclusive test ? ,i mean after how may days we can take the conclusive test, y some people r saying it may take more than 18 months for conclusive results? these words are told by some doctors ,  what is the true actual window period , for which test i go for ? why there is lots of confusion about the window period ? plz help me


3147776 tn?1549549410
Hi - you need to post this in our HIV Prevention forum here:
http://www.medhelp.org/forums/HIV-Prevention/show/79

Just click on that link, then click on the "post a question" button at the top of the page.
Avatar universal
Is it common to test and then when it is negative start disbelieving it
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370181 tn?1428180348
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