i feel like im loosing my mind. i BEG of you to reply. HELP!

[dlin420]

okay... so basically ive been lurking around the forum for some time now and i really feel like now is the time to find out whats going on. im so scared and anxious and i feel like im on the edge at all times. this is going to be pretty long but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE finish reading it and anyone who can help i will be SO appreciative... so im 21 male and ever since 8th grade i was diagnosed with ADHD and depression. my doctor at that time put me on zoloft/concerta/stratera and another medicine that was supposed to help. i took the medicine for about 2-3 years and then one day realized that i didnt need/want to take them anymore because i felt i was "normal." once i stop taking my medicine i began to self medicate myself with marijuana. For the next 2-3 years i smoked daily and very heavily. i noticed that for some reason the weed made me calm and i started doing better in school and got along better with people. so i kept at it even though i noticed i began to see things differently and was always very anxious and had several panic attacks. but i smoked through it and eventually it went away.. recently i just finished my 2-year college and got accepted to a university. To celebrate couple buddies and i decided to try extacy. i took 1.5 and then another .5 and had a great experience. However, the day after i felt empty headedd and confused and for some reason ended up with another panic attack and was rushed to the E.R. the hospital did blood and urine tests and found nothing out of the ordinary... at that time my mind was more clear and i felt decent. however the following day i the stomach flu and for the next week i was nauseus/diarreah/dizzy/weak and the whole time i was worried that it was the extacy that did it to me. i was CONVINCED that i had made my self retarded by taking those pills. Finally after about a week into the flu, i got better....... This is when things started to get scary for me.... one day as i was driving my girlfriend to a store i realized that my perception of vision changed... i looked at these bushes and for some reason it was different than how i usually seen them. this scared the sh!t out of me and i went home right away and started googling my symptoms... what i found was depersonalization/derealization and i believe that i have that.... i started to feel scared and cold...from that day on.. i QUIT SMOKING WEED AND DRINKING. in the beginning i thought that it could be the withdrawal symptoms of marijuana but it still hasnt gotten better and its been 3 week. For the next 2 weeks i had panic attacks (controllable) through out the day. s. i would start breathing extremely fast/sweat profusely/was unable to swallow my spit/got chills and heat flashes/ and had the WORSE sense of ultimate DOOM i felt i was going CRAZY, INSANE, LOCO! .... i googled those symptoms and thought that i had panic disorder or GAD but i didnt fit all the symptoms... eventually i got around to going back to the doctor (psychiatrist) and he told me he thought that it was just my depression and my anxiety kicking back in. he suspected maybe it was symptoms of bipolar but no one in my family has that... i dont hear voices, see hallicination, think people are after me... so the doctor put me on 50mg zoloft and 25mg seroquel. First night with seroquel i had the CRAZIEST dreams as if i was awake in them but the whole time i was knocked out!!!.... then second day i felt like i was on extacy... i felt my eyes were wide open/griding my teeth/ dry mouth/ hard time swallowing my spit/ and my feet/hands sweat SOOOO much and i have this wierd taste in my mouth everytime i breathe out. 3rd day... which is today, i woke up feeling fine... and was googling side effects of the medicine and found so many negative effects and started to freak out...ive been feeling like a zombie, like my brain is dead and that i was just born today... the past is a blur and i see no future for myself only doom and life in a mental hospital.... i dont feel so much depersonalized as just weird now and whenever i look around things arnt 2-D but it seems hazy and feels like im still stuck in a dream that i cant get out of....please i know this was long but someone please help me and let me know whats going on.. im terrified and if this goes on... i rather just jump off a building than live like this... im starting to not trust my doctor and i second guess every move i take.. please.. thank you for any comments...

- Scared to go Crazy

[Amorri]

I know that feeling man, messing with substances (mostly weed) some salvia and opiates that I'm not exactly proud of.  Eat well dude get exercise and strive for normalcy, on the big plus side you can help others now with this issue and meet people in exactly the same place :) be well please! :)

[joe9be]

I got know idea if u got this **** now man but my advice is stay close to friends and family find things you can do to relax (sounds mad but for me its exercise running, biking, skating even walking dogs and well talking too someone close too only my mum really that helps a hell of a lot too as at the end of the day your family and friends are the most important things in ur life).
Typical ways of relaxing book TV music eating don't relax me when I feel mad lol if anything makes me worse or realise how bad I am lol :) can't ficus on **** at all lol.
And the depersonalisation realisation thing could be part of the depression too as when I was severely depressed that was how I was I'm still depressed but I'm not deep in that state of mind at moment :) more normal sane lol. What u got to try remember even though feel this way is scaring the **** out of you is that the feeling will pass and your frame of mind emotions and everything will go in the right direction eventually but it something you have to work on I'm quite a strong believer in people can't change and to a certain degree I fully believe that, that at ur core u are who you've always been so with that in mind and the plasticity of the mind brain you can get back to feeling like u so to say it just takes working on tbh u have to actively just go about even just behaving his u used too and thinking about things like u once did and eventually your re-rewire your brain and feel like normal again :) hope this helped. Im still struggling to be honest to regain my sanity after some experiences I've had some drug related but most just health situation related which like u led to drugs ha :) self medicate lol didn't work too great ha now still an alcoholic. Don't smoke weed no more because of having a terrible experience after vaping the stuff for the first time did a whole chamber lol and basically I was ****** up heart rate went through the roof 150bpm could feel my bloykd literally flowing through me ha not pleasant at all I actually tested lol started shaking like a ************ felt real hot basically I felt good for 20mins then spent 1hrhalf lying in bed in a dark room as I could not focus on **** and everything was pissing me off lol music TV people ha was not nice so yh I laid there till I stopped shaking my heart rate dropped and I chilled the **** out I drank a ton ate a bunch and then just chilled then got dozy quite soon after and slept. Next day still felt effected came in waves just felt on edge for no reason whatsoever and couldnt focus on **** and just felt bad basically could nit stand to be alone with my thoughtd ha but at same time i got pissed off at stupid things and people basically i felt spaced out and really ******* down depressed think the doom thing u were talking about, it was  real weird as weeds never effected me like that ever always felt good relaxed numb etc anyway I was drunk before I vaped it BTW. But that following night I got drunk lol so I could feel more normal sane myself as I was fed up feeling how I was I feltad and was shocked I was effected the following day it scared the **** out of me to be honest anyway I stayed feeling off real depressed spaced out for about 3days couldnt believe it and even after that I was like I still ain't sure if its out my system ha but I felt more myself and tried to forget about it but that one bad experience vaping weed has put me off weed for life as the experience is the worst I've ever had just duration of how long it affected me made me reevaluate weed initially I was just gonna sell the vape as I ******* hated it lol and continue smoking it but then I thought about my experience and thought nah **** it alcohol and nothing else has made me feel as bad as that did (vaping the weed) or for so long 3days! Roughly of feeling **** and spaced out and mad.
So yh I just quit right there and thought weed ain't as good or safe as I thought lol at least mentally speaking as its really changed my perspective on not just weed but life that experience really has altered my mind lol I hope now for the better but it has made me far more dependant than I was on alcohol if I'm to me unbearably stressed I turn straight to booze tbh as its predictable and I like it relaxs me a ton I really struggle to go a day  without one its n
Bad I know but I'm working on it and I don't abuse it I have just what I need if I'm out with friends I won't even necessary drink if I feel im good happy relaxed or at a level i like I'll just drink coke lol and let them get smashed as there more typical sicial /binge drinkers still bad on there part but better than my situation of now being dependant on the stuff.

[Claire_MHModerator]

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[Jaaron3454]

Hey dude, so I know it's been a while since you've posteded this but I recently went through the saaaame thing. First off relax its not thatttt big of deal. You're having an over conscious because of your anxiety. Exstacy can have many different drugs you never know whats in it but it definitely didn't make you retarded so youre good. All it is, is you had anxiety, and super depression. That constant flight or fight someone was saying is pretty much right because you're in a state of constant anxiety, it's just that your anxiety has gone from mild to moderate or moderate to severe which can be triggered by different things. I don't smoke anymore because of it. It will go away but you have to stop feeding in to it, mine lasted about two years and I'm just starting to get out of it. Something that reallllly helps is to try to be in the moment. Think in the moment. Though it's hard try to block out all fears everything that's on your mind and just try to relax. Another thing is try to think inwardly, it's kind of hard to explain but like when you're around people don't think from anyone else perspective except yours, imagine that your perception is a bubble, and when you feel that way your bubble is spread out far and around other people constantly thinking from their perspective or what they're thinking, take that bubble and bring it inward to just you. Those dreams btw are called lucid dreams,im had those growing up my whole life. Alsoo get offfff the seraquil, I took one of those one time and it made 100xs worst. Felt like I was going insane, that's an anti-phsycotic and if you don't have things like bi polar and what it it will give you the symptoms while on it. At lease for me. But basically use this time to remake yourself. You're in the constant state of question, worry, unsureness. But cut the future and the past away from your thoughts, who do you want to be  how do you want to do it, do stress the feeling you will "wake up" fromit. I know how much it ***** dude I've had for the past two years and it was awful, it all seems like a blur. My vision literally looked weird, and what made it worst was that I noticed it and sat there worrying about it. It's like you're hovering over your own body watching life go by. But don't worry, it's just a heavy anxiety disorder and you're not going insane I promise you. It takes time but anxiety has proved to be curable by thinking/trying to be in the moment and doing this that take your mind off it all (video games, reading ect.)

[Sabby123]

J had this to my daughter was 6 months old and I started holusinating  and was in an ld out the hospital for 3 weeks they put me in all this med's and told me it was postpartum depression but I new it wasn't I felt like I was dreaming every thing scared me my back got hot and I though I was seein things diffrent life in general freaked me out being a mom  especially !  I am 19 years old I had my kid when I was 17 I took my self off all the meds an when I told my doctor he told me there's a chance all this could come back ! Well j started to drink on the weekends with my Frieda and last weekend I woke up  the morning after drinking and I had the worst panic attack the first one in a long long time  I starte throwing up and every thing seemed very slow !  It finally went away  u just have to relax and kind of except it. I no it's hard b c it's very scary but I promiss it will go away I'm kinda havin one as I write this and that. How I ran into this post lol .  It's a very scary feeling but I promiss ur not the only one who feels weird  and feels like there going nuts . But it will pass and when u panic u have to remember that. There is always a way out and if u  feel like its making h gk crazy to we're u feel like they might lock u Iin a mental home just take a deep breath and remember nothing last forever  I promiss it works . People look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them my head feels weird and some times the panic attacts make me feel like life's not real .  But it's all in your head Nd as soon as u learn to tell ur mind that this is your body and u control what u think its not gonna go away . I hope u get better trust me I no the feeling .  

[needasign11]

I feel like this also!! I get hot and cold I feel IM looking at things from someone elses eyes I sec guess everything I do like going to the bathroom I double check I pulled my pants up b4 walking out cuz I feel it's possible I forgot my heart races my whole life feels of a scary dream!! Nothing seems real nothing feels right! I feel IM loosing my mind!! I loose all concept of time I have no idea how long I've been somewhere or how long it's taking me to do things! It scary I've been this way for about 6 months now and it's not letting up IM functioning fine but in my head IM not me I also gave up drinking cuz IM afraid if I pass out in a deep sleep I won't wake up.. My anxiety is off the chart now from the since I've lost myself! this feeling comes in waves but never fully leaves :( it's so hard to explain this but if your ur understanding any of this or feeling the same help me please!!

[Liliona5446]

Oh man I am going through the same **** and I can't figure it out but if you need someone to talk to my name is Evan and I'm 20 female

[55777]

Please help me, I feel like I am going insane and I am very very afraid

[ski0331]

sounds like a lot of anxiety about having anxiety. the depersonalization/derealization will go away. you just need to stop dwelling on it and stop assuming that something is terribly wrong with you. when you think about/remember panic atracks and anxious moments you start to notice them more often and draw more attention to them, which in turn causes you to experience more moments like that. this could very well be taken care of without medication and perhaps you would benefit from talk therapy sessions, exercise, and a balanced diet. as for the zoloft...i too have been prescribed to it. the first week is the worst. your anxiety will heighten, everything will look different, your pupils will be wide, and you'll feel weird. after a few weeks the physical symptoms should die down a bit and after a month or so youll realize that you feel better than you did. just take in what you're experiencing, acknowledge it, and let it go. but do not dwell on it and do not imagine being like this forever. use this time as a learning opportunity for how amazing human perception is. you'll be able to do a lot of soul searching. good luck!

[nnovella]

Alright, I am typing on my iPhone, so I don't know how much longer I'll be able to do this. I'll try to get out what I have to say though.
I'm 18 year old male.
Personal experience. About 4 months ago, I was experimenting and trying out the whole weed thing. After all, it is referenced in soo many songs and people say it is safe and should be legalized.
So I tried some weed before bed. I thought it would help. I took a hit, and waited a little tiny bit, and took another. I kept taking hits thinking I wasn't feeling much. I lost all care for past and future and was in the moment soo much. I found myself in front of the bathroom mirror starting into my own eyes. It went on for a little while. It was as if I came-to in front of the mirror. I forgot I even smoked anything. I wanted to move but couldnt. The feeling of having a smile went to a feeling of a big frowning sad face but my face looked stagnant in the reflection. a blank stare. this scared me. I wanted to move my position. one of the most important things is how my vision wasn't smooth, even for staring straight into my own eyes, my field of view was jerky. it was twitching back onto itself as if space and time were dividing or multiplying. it felt like I was in straight up HELL, and I was relieved to know I was asleep having a nightmare. so I tried to wake up and couldn't seem to. my fear level doubles. I realize it is a real experience. I swear that I died and was stuck in the underworld. It sucked because as I looked at myself, there was some detachment in recognizing it was me. I finally move my position and it is hard to breathe. All the while, worst experience ever. I hated the frame rates that were too low. like taking pictures and playing back action instead of using a video camera. anyways.
I woke up feeling different. Thinking about how I felt the tingling/bubbling in my brain the night before, and how many hits I took, I knew I screwed up and fried myself. I permanently fried my brains. this turned me into a disaster case. I was freaking out inside. Why me? Why me? I would cry I would get mad. Then I would deny it and say to myself that i was overreacting. So that morning I found myself in the laundry room and as I was folding dry towels, it came over me for no reason: I felt tightness in my chest, shaking/shivering all over, hard to breathe or no breathing at all, uneasy feeling like when I was in front of the mirror, and my vision went to the low frame-rates. I was basically high again and I wanted to die. It faded away after about 60 long seconds. and I would find that these 'attacks' would come over me over the next 2 or 3 months. and each time they happen, I would get paranoid as if I were high. come up with stupid things to scare myself about. The DEREALIZATION was very real to me and I wanted to know how long it would last and how to get rid of it. I didnt like my new perspective on life on earth and the feeling inside that I had when inwas a young boy. childhood. or maybe it is the feeling I got while dreaming and reminiscing about childhood memories. Surprisingly, feeling like that felt like poop to me. I just wanted to feel "normal" again.
Do you feel like you snap back to reality while watchin tv? Staring into a photo that means a lot to you? That's because in those moments, your mind is off of the subject. for once! YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR CURRENT DILEMMA. NOT JUST STOP THINKING ABOUT THE DEREALIZATION, but, STOP THINKING ABOUT NOT THINKING ABOUT DEREALIZATION.  okay? I know it's hard. and you will get good at it. you will come back to "reality" slowly. (2-3 days? a week?) and your mind will be soo tired of over thinking it all, it will feel nice to finally relax, and stop feelin bad for yourself. Maybe think about other people and how they feel.  Be selfless. Get your mind off of it. Pick up a new hobby or something. I remember it could be difficult to do normal tasks. Driving was weird, and working on the computer was weird, too. Living seemed outrageous. On top of it all I was afraid I was turning schizophrenic from weed. and my biological father is a loony tune so I felt screwed. a disgusting twist of fate. and that fortune cookie that said dont go down that path unless you are ready for a change in life. I WOULDN'T WISH THE WHOLE ORDEAL ON MY WORST ENEMY. worst thing ever. Anyways, weed is a pshycho-active drug. meaning it can make your brain active making you think many thoughts. your mind might not have ever been put into that set before so even after the smoking session, your brain knows how to think too many thoughts and get caught up on some of them. ANYWAYS, I know you never saw it coming. I know you never imagined life could be soo weird and the brain soo complex. I know you are scared for your well-being. HERE'S what tells you that you're not crazy. You are aware what being normal is too well. it is what you have your mind set on—being normal again. You don't see things hear things.. you are a SANE human being with full potential to live a purposeful life. Just move on and start "looking back" on your experience and find meaning in it. maybe you learned a lesson. maybe you will be more compassionate and live life to the fullest now. find your reason. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. I think earth is where we learn important lessons that are useful for being a stronger spirit. Maybe pray to God. Find a faith? the point is to get your mind off of it and doing one of those things, you will be putting a lot of your stress and worry into gods hands. MAYBE your lesson will be to develop your own set of skills to get yourself 'out' of the DEREALIZATION. don't just give up and sit there staring at something admiring how fake and dreamlike it appears, snap out of it. might as well not ge USED TO it, or it might be harder to convince yourself that you can return to 'reality'. that feeling you get when you are home but it actually feels like HOME. very personal and real and cozy and safe. YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF SOO HAPPY SOMEDAY SOON. I mean, it will lift off of you and it will be soo overwhelmingly strong that there is no doubt in my mind that you will cry. Your tears will be happy and sad and you will get the strongest emotion of relief, with a tiny sprinkle of anger. Happiness, though, is where you will be at then. Just don't scare yourself. Not worth the energy. panick attacks are VERY scary and confusing. They will go away if you find yourself in the middle of one and stand up for yourself and act like everything is normal. breathe. pretend you aren't having one. you will see it will last much less time than normal. soon, you won't get them anymore. you may even feel a panic attack coming over you but then change your mind and decide not to have it. be like "no, not now! I'm with my friends having dinner, really? not now!" and if you are good at it, it will have dissipated. Writing this was difficult because I am soo past that. hated the feelings. and don't like thinkin about it. but doing this helps me stay strong. OH, and smile. even if it feels stupid. mental patients were discharged after being told to smile. they became well. I haven't looked it up; someone told me about it. but it's true. HEY, good luck! you can do it!

[mar1026]

ok well im 16 years old and im a very frequent drug user. for the first time i took E i went all out, ive been messing around with drugs for a while. so i thought id be fine. i rlly like hallucinogens especially my favorites LSD, shrooms, mollies stuff like that, (but never rlly came exactly back to earth after shroms, i cnt complete thoughts easilly and im convined im 3/4 of the way almost retarted). but i just took E starting about saturday around 7ish i took a whole pill and kinda noticed it had a good amont of coke and speed in it( ive been bad on coke on and off for about 2 1/2 yearsish. i went to rahab for 6 months but emediatlly relapsed) but i took more and when i started to come down i took another maybe half and i couldnt sleep the whole night and wouldnt stop clenching my jaws like soo bad that my teeth started to chip.  so i bought rlly good weed so i could maybe go to sleep  and ive been smoking for a while and i have built up a huge tolerance for it. i smoke everyday as much as i can get my hands on and its been like that for about 7 years besides when i went to rehab. but i could not goo to sleep no matter how much bud i smoked. and i also havnt eaten since saturday morning. now ive been rlly scared cuz ive been doing E none stop since i bought it like whenever i felt weird or almost sick and had a headace and by now ive dont in total about 4 1/2 of them. i havnt had any sleep for days and havnt eatn, but i cnt eat, i dont have a appitie and when i think of food i fell even more sick to my stomach. my friend told me it could be dehydration cuz its been a hot day and weve been very active so ive drank alot of water but still feel like dehydrated.  im feeling rlly sick, weak, very bad upset stomach and my heart rate it about at 158 right now. i dont wanna let my parents know cuz i dont wanna get sent back to rehab but i want to make sure if this is normal or ok or if this is bad and need to be treatd

Please help befor i go crazy
im not used to this!!!

[mikemitchel214]

the only thing i know 100% that will help you is jesus christ if you believe in him with all your heart  and mind you will be okay this is not my promise but God will take care of his ppl that is his promise to us. pray to him.

[smartchick1245]

well i read your story and honestly when you stopped taking medication if you didnt do it under the observation of a nurse it could have messed with your brain a little but if you were observed it was probably that your body wasnt use to be without it and when you started having panic attacks it could have been the smoking and drinking because when you use drugs pretty much what your doing is streesing out your body but most of the time nothing serious will occur .....as for the panic attacks after you quit (as a smoker i know this) it was in my opinion deffinetly withdrawl symptoms....if they dont get better i would go to a rehab and tell them your expierences or a high class therapist...as for you starting medication it takes 2-3 weeks for it to adjust to your body and start working properly but if you start getting suicidal thought consult a doctor immediatly ....as for when you were in the car with your mate ..your body sometimes goes back to a drug you were on earlier on like ecstasy it could have just been your brain playing tricks on you ....if you are still seeing odd you might actually have a eye problem i suggest going to the eye doctor and telling him what your seeing ....but i too suffer from panic attacks and depression your probably making yourself anxtious by reading all of the symptoms most of the time what i do is relax myself tell myself im okay and nothing is wrong with me and most of the time i would say 90% it works..yes you will have to talk to yourself to do so but if that doesnt work for you figure out something that makes you feel better some other things you can do is take a shower and clear your mind, listen to music thats soothing or even just make a private diary to get all of your feelings out i feel the same pain as you thats why im writting to you ......really what you should start doing is leaving negative energy behind please dont kill yourself and you wont end up in the hospital i too have been suicidal and i just want you to know everything will be okay :) please PLEASE just follow these steps start going for walks and clearing your mind have some alone time to think things over and trust me you might still get panic attacks but it will happen less <3
i do hope i helped you i do care i want you to know that <3 YOU WILLBE OKAY. you just need to find yourself please comment if you need some more support (DATE:febuary 20th 2012)

[wsdrbj]

Today is November 22, 2011....how do you feel?  Has your health improved?  The reason I am asking is because my daughter has been psychotic since 1997 and have tried everything....as a mother, I demanded that her doctor put her back on prozac.

[doctorkerbe]

You and I have a frighteningly similar history. To make a long story short, you need to make amends with your past. As Jung would put it; your soul/True Self is rejecting your Ego. That feeling of insanity slowly creeping over, losing sense of yourself, that's when your Ego has superimposed over your Self. Chances are, like any human being, you have some skeletons in your closet; things that you regret, that at the time seemed immensely morally corrupt, and so, like most children/teenagers, you shelter yourself from the full force of the memory. Make amends where possible in situations/with people that were important at the time of the conflict, and your anxiety should go away. Quickly and simply. As you begin to remember yourSelf, your Ego will regress back into a small/necessary state that is required of our current society.

[tissymae]

Wow, dude, never could have explained it better myself! NO answers att, just now starting to "google" the same type material..let me know if you have had any success!

[fauz2012]

wow, am not the only one, Living in anxiety world, is just living in hell. My life has turned down since December 2009. Just a little thing turned my life down. well its it insane to call it out i feel shame of my self, my disease caused my the woman i love the most and the bad thing she were miles apart, To get her it took me 6 years since she accepted my love request.
I suffer much to convince her loving me by that time. There was I time I gave up on her i knew she wouldn’t love me, so I decide to live my life alone. The good thing am having my own business it goes well so she wouldn’t bother me by that time even though she was not far from me, We both were living in Dar es salaam Tanzania. It was October 2009 she left to Canada, I don’t remember the day not because i didn’t put in my mind, well its just because I lost my memory. Huh exactly what happen on that day
She come to my home were I was living just  to say goodbye. Well I was shock with such condition when she hug me for the first time. But that wasn’t clue for me to think that she had something in her mind. I took life easy am looser, I knew she was going to Calgary and I want see her, I was having negative thought in my mind. Happy moment begun in my life just two weeks later, it was Sunday the day was so cool just chilling out with my friend outside his home. My cellfone was ringing from unknown number, surprisingly it was her, and she called me from thousand miles. I lower my voice just to make it lit bit kindly voice,  By that time we talk, my thoughts were telling me that she called me just to say hi, well that wasn’t the reality, it was a welcome love, she was asking for a chance for us to be together, she wanted me to go to Calgary and live with her, well by that time I didn’t think much I accepted just because I love her, it was very easy for me to accept her request then questions later. Well I was so happy she didn’t have a personal mobile by that time, she was using her aunt’s land line and sometimes her mom’s celphone. Well since that day i was happy.
My life was cover by her beautiful sms through my celfone, Thought dreams came true,
We used to chat for a while, my mind was fully covered by her love, and my thoughts were on her each day, each hour. I truly fall in love. Days were gone still my thought was to be close to her and we used to communicate through different ways, sometimes phone sometimes through internet messengers.
It was hard just to miss a single day without communicating, well the questions begun. I used to tell her if she really love’s me and Why did it took long. She told me it was her choice, she found that am good person. On November 2009, I plan to go for my hernia surgery at TMJ hospital in dare es salaam, It was my first time to go to the theatre, everyone used to worry but for me it was different I was happy to get knife  on my lower stomach knew that it was only my cure for my problem. The surgery conducted well and I was recovering so quick. She used to call me when am in the hospital and I felt more cured again for her such lovely words. I was so happy and good thing she got her own celfone for me its was a pleasure, I was assured my sms will reach to her on time.

Suddenly things started to change, she was late on replays, sometime am sending her sms and she didn’t replay on time, it took two days just to replay my sms.  Was Calling her but no answer, that’s where my worries started. Bad thing she repeated twice same thing and the last time I got depression, I didn’t knew that was a key to my anxiety world.



Where my Anxiety Started,

It was 16Th December 2009 depression occurred like 2012 movie, My heart was pounding too fast, I was going down. Then on that day I went to the hospital, they checked everything and they were ok nothing detected. At night I couldn’t sleep, I went to the hospital again and they found that I had little malaria. And they gave me anti malaria tablets,  But still couldn’t sleep due to the load of  stress on my mind, I couldn’t receive a single sms from her. I was dreadful on such moment. That behavior continued for 7 days without a sleep. And that’s exactly I enter the demon world ( The anxiety )
That’s where my life started to get worse.
Its started am scared from people, when I see people am feeling worry, sometime I feel the place am going I might get lost, sometime I thought I wont even able to take bath when I wake up in the morning or forgetting to brush my teeth, I didn’t  know what happen if there was a Christmas or a new year, people where happy but I was totally different my thought where far.

On 3Rd January 2010, I went to my counselor, he only gave me one word, just to believe in my self otherwise ill be a victim. Well I remember his word but my anxiety increased to the maximum level , huh sometime its funny, you cant even remember to talk, day after day my life is getting worse. Sometime I feel do no longer exist in this world. My eyes focus is getting lower am not seeing the sun I used to see before. I cannot talk to a person cause of fear of misunderstanding. My god now just little things make me to think millions time.
My own business transaction I handle in hard time, just simple mathematics my head is getting hot. I sleep with problem and wake up with problem.
There was sometime I was  thinking to kill my self rather than living in this mental world, I found that  was horrible decision, I believe the existing of God, My God protect me from devil thoughts.

Now my life is getting worse and worse am even scared to sleep alone,
I wish if there was a magic pill so to get me out of this mess. Please can anyone help me.

[Bsocal]

I feel the same too, i think to much about some things, but when i get in that i dont give a Sh*t mode i have the best time of my life.. How do you get there? lolol

[Bsocal]

You worded everything iv thought of perfectly, i was diagnosed with ADHD when i was little and used to take abunch of pills for it, when i was 15 i discovered weed made me calm, but for the first 3-4 months of smoking id trip alot when i was around people and trip harder when i was alone, my feet and hands got weak, nd id have bad panic attacks. after that period i'd smoke weed everyday for about a year, then i got heavy on ecstasy and coke, adter about 6 months of taking ecstasy maybe about 3-4 times a week, sometimes 5 days ina row with about 1-2 pills, maybe 4-5 at a rave. Then i made the worse decision in my life and tried meth, i started smoking everyday and by everyday i mean EVERYDAY, gettin sleep rarely staying out all night, after 8 hard months of that which every moment i was disappointed with my life, i slowly started stopping, to which point i cut off every friend that smoked it off, the only thing i could do to stop. i stopped for 2 months then 1 of my old buddies hit me up and started again for 4 days, i then realized it was bullsh*t how he did that to me nd stopped, im now 2 weeks clean, but everytime i smoke weed, same thing happens to me except worse, my feet get huge lumps on them, and i think and analyze everything to much and im real quite. My family always thinks im tripping but I think something is wrong, not sure but the best thing for me to do is stop everything all together. Idk if this helps, but it helps me telling my story sometimes

[Bsocal]

You worded everything iv thought of perfectly, i was diagnosed with ADHD when i was little and used to take abunch of pills for it, when i was 15 i discovered weed made me calm, but for the first 3-4 months of smoking id trip alot when i was around people and trip harder when i was alone, my feet and hands got weak, nd id have bad panic attacks. after that period i'd smoke weed everyday for about a year, then i got heavy on ecstasy and coke, adter about 6 months of taking ecstasy maybe about 3-4 times a week, sometimes 5 days ina row with about 1-2 pills, maybe 4-5 at a rave. Then i made the worse decision in my life and tried meth, i started smoking everyday and by everyday i mean EVERYDAY, gettin sleep rarely staying out all night, after 8 hard months of that which every moment i was disappointed with my life, i slowly started stopping, to which point i cut off every friend that smoked it off, the only thing i could do to stop. i stopped for 2 months then 1 of my old buddies hit me up and started again for 4 days, i then realized it was bullsh*t how he did that to me nd stopped, im now 2 weeks clean, but everytime i smoke weed, same thing happens to me except worse, my feet get huge lumps on them, and i think and analyze everything to much and im real quite. My family always thinks im tripping but I think something is wrong, not sure but the best thing for me to do is stop everything all together. Idk if this helps, but it helps me telling my story sometimes

[Norman12345]

i feel the same..am 22yrs old i started smoking alot of marjuana for the past year, and snorted cocaine one off...and used to drink...i come off marjuana and for the past 3 weeks i aint been feeling right..at 1st when it started happening i was sitting down and suddenly my head started feeling heavy, my vision started going blury, felt like im going to pass out, my face started feeling hot, and forehead started sweating...and then i was alright and few days later it happend again..and 1-2 days later it happend again but it had a longer affect on me and sincelast 2 days it happend again it feel like my heads so head from bothe sides and its going to explode and i cant think straight and i went hospital last thursday they said go to your doctor, i went to my doctor friday he goes come for a blood test on tuesday and sunday night i feeling that it, its the end of me..and i called ambulance and they only check blood pressure and sugar level and if your breathing alright... it can be a swere problem which they might not know about, they dont bother...and today my heads been feeling like some1s squashing it from bothe sides, can any1 please help..am bit worried myself...would appreciate it..i cant hack it no more =-(  norman_khan***@****

[Merciey]

It amazes me how younger people think doing drugs is going to straighten their lives out and how getting expert advice from a psychiatrist will mess it up. Work the meds out with your MD (Psych.) and try to get your life back on a good track.

[RichReligion]

Take your frustrations out on a heavy bag or some weights, maybe a jump rope. Stop caring so much about things you cant change. I find myself dwelling on nothingness all day: negativity...and it does hurt...it hurts that i'm stuck on some bs when everyone else is moving on with their lives...it feels like one giant conspiracy against me and I dont like to be played by no one...so my ego is trippin. But when I get in the "i dont give a shi* mode I win. try not giving a shi*...just be the best at what you could do...conquor everything within your reach.

[afraid620]

Hey I just joined and was reading your symptoms and all the help and advice people are giving you maybe you could read my post and we could share advice!