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i feel like im loosing my mind. i BEG of you to reply. HELP!

okay... so basically ive been lurking around the forum for some time now and i really feel like now is the time to find out whats going on. im so scared and anxious and i feel like im on the edge at all times. this is going to be pretty long but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE finish reading it and anyone who can help i will be SO appreciative... so im 21 male and ever since 8th grade i was diagnosed with ADHD and depression. my doctor at that time put me on zoloft/concerta/stratera and another medicine that was supposed to help. i took the medicine for about 2-3 years and then one day realized that i didnt need/want to take them anymore because i felt i was "normal." once i stop taking my medicine i began to self medicate myself with marijuana. For the next 2-3 years i smoked daily and very heavily. i noticed that for some reason the weed made me calm and i started doing better in school and got along better with people. so i kept at it even though i noticed i began to see things differently and was always very anxious and had several panic attacks. but i smoked through it and eventually it went away.. recently i just finished my 2-year college and got accepted to a university. To celebrate couple buddies and i decided to try extacy. i took 1.5 and then another .5 and had a great experience. However, the day after i felt empty headedd and confused and for some reason ended up with another panic attack and was rushed to the E.R. the hospital did blood and urine tests and found nothing out of the ordinary... at that time my mind was more clear and i felt decent. however the following day i the stomach flu and for the next week i was nauseus/diarreah/dizzy/weak and the whole time i was worried that it was the extacy that did it to me. i was CONVINCED that i had made my self retarded by taking those pills. Finally after about a week into the flu, i got better....... This is when things started to get scary for me.... one day as i was driving my girlfriend to a store i realized that my perception of vision changed... i looked at these bushes and for some reason it was different than how i usually seen them. this scared the sh!t out of me and i went home right away and started googling my symptoms... what i found was depersonalization/derealization and i believe that i have that.... i started to feel scared and cold...from that day on.. i QUIT SMOKING WEED AND DRINKING. in the beginning i thought that it could be the withdrawal symptoms of marijuana but it still hasnt gotten better and its been 3 week. For the next 2 weeks i had panic attacks (controllable) through out the day. s. i would start breathing extremely fast/sweat profusely/was unable to swallow my spit/got chills and heat flashes/ and had the WORSE sense of ultimate DOOM i felt i was going CRAZY, INSANE, LOCO! .... i googled those symptoms and thought that i had panic disorder or GAD but i didnt fit all the symptoms... eventually i got around to going back to the doctor (psychiatrist) and he told me he thought that it was just my depression and my anxiety kicking back in. he suspected maybe it was symptoms of bipolar but no one in my family has that... i dont hear voices, see hallicination, think people are after me... so the doctor put me on 50mg zoloft and 25mg seroquel. First night with seroquel i had the CRAZIEST dreams as if i was awake in them but the whole time i was knocked out!!!.... then second day i felt like i was on extacy... i felt my eyes were wide open/griding my teeth/ dry mouth/ hard time swallowing my spit/ and my feet/hands sweat SOOOO much and i have this wierd taste in my mouth everytime i breathe out. 3rd day... which is today, i woke up feeling fine... and was googling side effects of the medicine and found so many negative effects and started to freak out...ive been feeling like a zombie, like my brain is dead and that i was just born today... the past is a blur and i see no future for myself only doom and life in a mental hospital.... i dont feel so much depersonalized as just weird now and whenever i look around things arnt 2-D but it seems hazy and feels like im still stuck in a dream that i cant get out of....please i know this was long but someone please help me and let me know whats going on.. im terrified and if this goes on... i rather just jump off a building than live like this... im starting to not trust my doctor and i second guess every move i take.. please.. thank you for any comments...

- Scared to go Crazy
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Avatar universal
Oh man I am going through the same **** and I can't figure it out but if you need someone to talk to my name is Evan and I'm 20 female
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Avatar universal
Please help me, I feel like I am going insane and I am very very afraid
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Avatar universal
sounds like a lot of anxiety about having anxiety. the depersonalization/derealization will go away. you just need to stop dwelling on it and stop assuming that something is terribly wrong with you. when you think about/remember panic atracks and anxious moments you start to notice them more often and draw more attention to them, which in turn causes you to experience more moments like that. this could very well be taken care of without medication and perhaps you would benefit from talk therapy sessions, exercise, and a balanced diet. as for the zoloft...i too have been prescribed to it. the first week is the worst. your anxiety will heighten, everything will look different, your pupils will be wide, and you'll feel weird. after a few weeks the physical symptoms should die down a bit and after a month or so youll realize that you feel better than you did. just take in what you're experiencing, acknowledge it, and let it go. but do not dwell on it and do not imagine being like this forever. use this time as a learning opportunity for how amazing human perception is. you'll be able to do a lot of soul searching. good luck!
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Avatar universal
Alright, I am typing on my iPhone, so I don't know how much longer I'll be able to do this. I'll try to get out what I have to say though.
I'm 18 year old male.
Personal experience. About 4 months ago, I was experimenting and trying out the whole weed thing. After all, it is referenced in soo many songs and people say it is safe and should be legalized.
So I tried some weed before bed. I thought it would help. I took a hit, and waited a little tiny bit, and took another. I kept taking hits thinking I wasn't feeling much. I lost all care for past and future and was in the moment soo much. I found myself in front of the bathroom mirror starting into my own eyes. It went on for a little while. It was as if I came-to in front of the mirror. I forgot I even smoked anything. I wanted to move but couldnt. The feeling of having a smile went to a feeling of a big frowning sad face but my face looked stagnant in the reflection. a blank stare. this scared me. I wanted to move my position. one of the most important things is how my vision wasn't smooth, even for staring straight into my own eyes, my field of view was jerky. it was twitching back onto itself as if space and time were dividing or multiplying. it felt like I was in straight up HELL, and I was relieved to know I was asleep having a nightmare. so I tried to wake up and couldn't seem to. my fear level doubles. I realize it is a real experience. I swear that I died and was stuck in the underworld. It sucked because as I looked at myself, there was some detachment in recognizing it was me. I finally move my position and it is hard to breathe. All the while, worst experience ever. I hated the frame rates that were too low. like taking pictures and playing back action instead of using a video camera. anyways.
I woke up feeling different. Thinking about how I felt the tingling/bubbling in my brain the night before, and how many hits I took, I knew I screwed up and fried myself. I permanently fried my brains. this turned me into a disaster case. I was freaking out inside. Why me? Why me? I would cry I would get mad. Then I would deny it and say to myself that i was overreacting. So that morning I found myself in the laundry room and as I was folding dry towels, it came over me for no reason: I felt tightness in my chest, shaking/shivering all over, hard to breathe or no breathing at all, uneasy feeling like when I was in front of the mirror, and my vision went to the low frame-rates. I was basically high again and I wanted to die. It faded away after about 60 long seconds. and I would find that these 'attacks' would come over me over the next 2 or 3 months. and each time they happen, I would get paranoid as if I were high. come up with stupid things to scare myself about. The DEREALIZATION was very real to me and I wanted to know how long it would last and how to get rid of it. I didnt like my new perspective on life on earth and the feeling inside that I had when inwas a young boy. childhood. or maybe it is the feeling I got while dreaming and reminiscing about childhood memories. Surprisingly, feeling like that felt like poop to me. I just wanted to feel "normal" again.
Do you feel like you snap back to reality while watchin tv? Staring into a photo that means a lot to you? That's because in those moments, your mind is off of the subject. for once! YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR CURRENT DILEMMA. NOT JUST STOP THINKING ABOUT THE DEREALIZATION, but, STOP THINKING ABOUT NOT THINKING ABOUT DEREALIZATION.  okay? I know it's hard. and you will get good at it. you will come back to "reality" slowly. (2-3 days? a week?) and your mind will be soo tired of over thinking it all, it will feel nice to finally relax, and stop feelin bad for yourself. Maybe think about other people and how they feel.  Be selfless. Get your mind off of it. Pick up a new hobby or something. I remember it could be difficult to do normal tasks. Driving was weird, and working on the computer was weird, too. Living seemed outrageous. On top of it all I was afraid I was turning schizophrenic from weed. and my biological father is a loony tune so I felt screwed. a disgusting twist of fate. and that fortune cookie that said dont go down that path unless you are ready for a change in life. I WOULDN'T WISH THE WHOLE ORDEAL ON MY WORST ENEMY. worst thing ever. Anyways, weed is a pshycho-active drug. meaning it can make your brain active making you think many thoughts. your mind might not have ever been put into that set before so even after the smoking session, your brain knows how to think too many thoughts and get caught up on some of them. ANYWAYS, I know you never saw it coming. I know you never imagined life could be soo weird and the brain soo complex. I know you are scared for your well-being. HERE'S what tells you that you're not crazy. You are aware what being normal is too well. it is what you have your mind set on—being normal again. You don't see things hear things.. you are a SANE human being with full potential to live a purposeful life. Just move on and start "looking back" on your experience and find meaning in it. maybe you learned a lesson. maybe you will be more compassionate and live life to the fullest now. find your reason. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. I think earth is where we learn important lessons that are useful for being a stronger spirit. Maybe pray to God. Find a faith? the point is to get your mind off of it and doing one of those things, you will be putting a lot of your stress and worry into gods hands. MAYBE your lesson will be to develop your own set of skills to get yourself 'out' of the DEREALIZATION. don't just give up and sit there staring at something admiring how fake and dreamlike it appears, snap out of it. might as well not ge USED TO it, or it might be harder to convince yourself that you can return to 'reality'. that feeling you get when you are home but it actually feels like HOME. very personal and real and cozy and safe. YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF SOO HAPPY SOMEDAY SOON. I mean, it will lift off of you and it will be soo overwhelmingly strong that there is no doubt in my mind that you will cry. Your tears will be happy and sad and you will get the strongest emotion of relief, with a tiny sprinkle of anger. Happiness, though, is where you will be at then. Just don't scare yourself. Not worth the energy. panick attacks are VERY scary and confusing. They will go away if you find yourself in the middle of one and stand up for yourself and act like everything is normal. breathe. pretend you aren't having one. you will see it will last much less time than normal. soon, you won't get them anymore. you may even feel a panic attack coming over you but then change your mind and decide not to have it. be like "no, not now! I'm with my friends having dinner, really? not now!" and if you are good at it, it will have dissipated. Writing this was difficult because I am soo past that. hated the feelings. and don't like thinkin about it. but doing this helps me stay strong. OH, and smile. even if it feels stupid. mental patients were discharged after being told to smile. they became well. I haven't looked it up; someone told me about it. but it's true. HEY, good luck! you can do it!
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Avatar universal
ok well im 16 years old and im a very frequent drug user. for the first time i took E i went all out, ive been messing around with drugs for a while. so i thought id be fine. i rlly like hallucinogens especially my favorites LSD, shrooms, mollies stuff like that, (but never rlly came exactly back to earth after shroms, i cnt complete thoughts easilly and im convined im 3/4 of the way almost retarted). but i just took E starting about saturday around 7ish i took a whole pill and kinda noticed it had a good amont of coke and speed in it( ive been bad on coke on and off for about 2 1/2 yearsish. i went to rahab for 6 months but emediatlly relapsed) but i took more and when i started to come down i took another maybe half and i couldnt sleep the whole night and wouldnt stop clenching my jaws like soo bad that my teeth started to chip.  so i bought rlly good weed so i could maybe go to sleep  and ive been smoking for a while and i have built up a huge tolerance for it. i smoke everyday as much as i can get my hands on and its been like that for about 7 years besides when i went to rehab. but i could not goo to sleep no matter how much bud i smoked. and i also havnt eaten since saturday morning. now ive been rlly scared cuz ive been doing E none stop since i bought it like whenever i felt weird or almost sick and had a headace and by now ive dont in total about 4 1/2 of them. i havnt had any sleep for days and havnt eatn, but i cnt eat, i dont have a appitie and when i think of food i fell even more sick to my stomach. my friend told me it could be dehydration cuz its been a hot day and weve been very active so ive drank alot of water but still feel like dehydrated.  im feeling rlly sick, weak, very bad upset stomach and my heart rate it about at 158 right now. i dont wanna let my parents know cuz i dont wanna get sent back to rehab but i want to make sure if this is normal or ok or if this is bad and need to be treatd

Please help befor i go crazy
im not used to this!!!
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Avatar universal
the only thing i know 100% that will help you is jesus christ if you believe in him with all your heart  and mind you will be okay this is not my promise but God will take care of his ppl that is his promise to us. pray to him.
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