i feel like im loosing my mind. i BEG of you to reply. HELP!

[dlin420]

okay... so basically ive been lurking around the forum for some time now and i really feel like now is the time to find out whats going on. im so scared and anxious and i feel like im on the edge at all times. this is going to be pretty long but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE finish reading it and anyone who can help i will be SO appreciative... so im 21 male and ever since 8th grade i was diagnosed with ADHD and depression. my doctor at that time put me on zoloft/concerta/stratera and another medicine that was supposed to help. i took the medicine for about 2-3 years and then one day realized that i didnt need/want to take them anymore because i felt i was "normal." once i stop taking my medicine i began to self medicate myself with marijuana. For the next 2-3 years i smoked daily and very heavily. i noticed that for some reason the weed made me calm and i started doing better in school and got along better with people. so i kept at it even though i noticed i began to see things differently and was always very anxious and had several panic attacks. but i smoked through it and eventually it went away.. recently i just finished my 2-year college and got accepted to a university. To celebrate couple buddies and i decided to try extacy. i took 1.5 and then another .5 and had a great experience. However, the day after i felt empty headedd and confused and for some reason ended up with another panic attack and was rushed to the E.R. the hospital did blood and urine tests and found nothing out of the ordinary... at that time my mind was more clear and i felt decent. however the following day i the stomach flu and for the next week i was nauseus/diarreah/dizzy/weak and the whole time i was worried that it was the extacy that did it to me. i was CONVINCED that i had made my self retarded by taking those pills. Finally after about a week into the flu, i got better....... This is when things started to get scary for me.... one day as i was driving my girlfriend to a store i realized that my perception of vision changed... i looked at these bushes and for some reason it was different than how i usually seen them. this scared the sh!t out of me and i went home right away and started googling my symptoms... what i found was depersonalization/derealization and i believe that i have that.... i started to feel scared and cold...from that day on.. i QUIT SMOKING WEED AND DRINKING. in the beginning i thought that it could be the withdrawal symptoms of marijuana but it still hasnt gotten better and its been 3 week. For the next 2 weeks i had panic attacks (controllable) through out the day. s. i would start breathing extremely fast/sweat profusely/was unable to swallow my spit/got chills and heat flashes/ and had the WORSE sense of ultimate DOOM i felt i was going CRAZY, INSANE, LOCO! .... i googled those symptoms and thought that i had panic disorder or GAD but i didnt fit all the symptoms... eventually i got around to going back to the doctor (psychiatrist) and he told me he thought that it was just my depression and my anxiety kicking back in. he suspected maybe it was symptoms of bipolar but no one in my family has that... i dont hear voices, see hallicination, think people are after me... so the doctor put me on 50mg zoloft and 25mg seroquel. First night with seroquel i had the CRAZIEST dreams as if i was awake in them but the whole time i was knocked out!!!.... then second day i felt like i was on extacy... i felt my eyes were wide open/griding my teeth/ dry mouth/ hard time swallowing my spit/ and my feet/hands sweat SOOOO much and i have this wierd taste in my mouth everytime i breathe out. 3rd day... which is today, i woke up feeling fine... and was googling side effects of the medicine and found so many negative effects and started to freak out...ive been feeling like a zombie, like my brain is dead and that i was just born today... the past is a blur and i see no future for myself only doom and life in a mental hospital.... i dont feel so much depersonalized as just weird now and whenever i look around things arnt 2-D but it seems hazy and feels like im still stuck in a dream that i cant get out of....please i know this was long but someone please help me and let me know whats going on.. im terrified and if this goes on... i rather just jump off a building than live like this... im starting to not trust my doctor and i second guess every move i take.. please.. thank you for any comments...

- Scared to go Crazy

[smartchick1245]

well i read your story and honestly when you stopped taking medication if you didnt do it under the observation of a nurse it could have messed with your brain a little but if you were observed it was probably that your body wasnt use to be without it and when you started having panic attacks it could have been the smoking and drinking because when you use drugs pretty much what your doing is streesing out your body but most of the time nothing serious will occur .....as for the panic attacks after you quit (as a smoker i know this) it was in my opinion deffinetly withdrawl symptoms....if they dont get better i would go to a rehab and tell them your expierences or a high class therapist...as for you starting medication it takes 2-3 weeks for it to adjust to your body and start working properly but if you start getting suicidal thought consult a doctor immediatly ....as for when you were in the car with your mate ..your body sometimes goes back to a drug you were on earlier on like ecstasy it could have just been your brain playing tricks on you ....if you are still seeing odd you might actually have a eye problem i suggest going to the eye doctor and telling him what your seeing ....but i too suffer from panic attacks and depression your probably making yourself anxtious by reading all of the symptoms most of the time what i do is relax myself tell myself im okay and nothing is wrong with me and most of the time i would say 90% it works..yes you will have to talk to yourself to do so but if that doesnt work for you figure out something that makes you feel better some other things you can do is take a shower and clear your mind, listen to music thats soothing or even just make a private diary to get all of your feelings out i feel the same pain as you thats why im writting to you ......really what you should start doing is leaving negative energy behind please dont kill yourself and you wont end up in the hospital i too have been suicidal and i just want you to know everything will be okay :) please PLEASE just follow these steps start going for walks and clearing your mind have some alone time to think things over and trust me you might still get panic attacks but it will happen less <3
i do hope i helped you i do care i want you to know that <3 YOU WILLBE OKAY. you just need to find yourself please comment if you need some more support (DATE:febuary 20th 2012)

[wsdrbj]

Today is November 22, 2011....how do you feel?  Has your health improved?  The reason I am asking is because my daughter has been psychotic since 1997 and have tried everything....as a mother, I demanded that her doctor put her back on prozac.

[doctorkerbe]

You and I have a frighteningly similar history. To make a long story short, you need to make amends with your past. As Jung would put it; your soul/True Self is rejecting your Ego. That feeling of insanity slowly creeping over, losing sense of yourself, that's when your Ego has superimposed over your Self. Chances are, like any human being, you have some skeletons in your closet; things that you regret, that at the time seemed immensely morally corrupt, and so, like most children/teenagers, you shelter yourself from the full force of the memory. Make amends where possible in situations/with people that were important at the time of the conflict, and your anxiety should go away. Quickly and simply. As you begin to remember yourSelf, your Ego will regress back into a small/necessary state that is required of our current society.

[tissymae]

Wow, dude, never could have explained it better myself! NO answers att, just now starting to "google" the same type material..let me know if you have had any success!

[fauz2012]

wow, am not the only one, Living in anxiety world, is just living in hell. My life has turned down since December 2009. Just a little thing turned my life down. well its it insane to call it out i feel shame of my self, my disease caused my the woman i love the most and the bad thing she were miles apart, To get her it took me 6 years since she accepted my love request.
I suffer much to convince her loving me by that time. There was I time I gave up on her i knew she wouldn’t love me, so I decide to live my life alone. The good thing am having my own business it goes well so she wouldn’t bother me by that time even though she was not far from me, We both were living in Dar es salaam Tanzania. It was October 2009 she left to Canada, I don’t remember the day not because i didn’t put in my mind, well its just because I lost my memory. Huh exactly what happen on that day
She come to my home were I was living just  to say goodbye. Well I was shock with such condition when she hug me for the first time. But that wasn’t clue for me to think that she had something in her mind. I took life easy am looser, I knew she was going to Calgary and I want see her, I was having negative thought in my mind. Happy moment begun in my life just two weeks later, it was Sunday the day was so cool just chilling out with my friend outside his home. My cellfone was ringing from unknown number, surprisingly it was her, and she called me from thousand miles. I lower my voice just to make it lit bit kindly voice,  By that time we talk, my thoughts were telling me that she called me just to say hi, well that wasn’t the reality, it was a welcome love, she was asking for a chance for us to be together, she wanted me to go to Calgary and live with her, well by that time I didn’t think much I accepted just because I love her, it was very easy for me to accept her request then questions later. Well I was so happy she didn’t have a personal mobile by that time, she was using her aunt’s land line and sometimes her mom’s celphone. Well since that day i was happy.
My life was cover by her beautiful sms through my celfone, Thought dreams came true,
We used to chat for a while, my mind was fully covered by her love, and my thoughts were on her each day, each hour. I truly fall in love. Days were gone still my thought was to be close to her and we used to communicate through different ways, sometimes phone sometimes through internet messengers.
It was hard just to miss a single day without communicating, well the questions begun. I used to tell her if she really love’s me and Why did it took long. She told me it was her choice, she found that am good person. On November 2009, I plan to go for my hernia surgery at TMJ hospital in dare es salaam, It was my first time to go to the theatre, everyone used to worry but for me it was different I was happy to get knife  on my lower stomach knew that it was only my cure for my problem. The surgery conducted well and I was recovering so quick. She used to call me when am in the hospital and I felt more cured again for her such lovely words. I was so happy and good thing she got her own celfone for me its was a pleasure, I was assured my sms will reach to her on time.

Suddenly things started to change, she was late on replays, sometime am sending her sms and she didn’t replay on time, it took two days just to replay my sms.  Was Calling her but no answer, that’s where my worries started. Bad thing she repeated twice same thing and the last time I got depression, I didn’t knew that was a key to my anxiety world.



Where my Anxiety Started,

It was 16Th December 2009 depression occurred like 2012 movie, My heart was pounding too fast, I was going down. Then on that day I went to the hospital, they checked everything and they were ok nothing detected. At night I couldn’t sleep, I went to the hospital again and they found that I had little malaria. And they gave me anti malaria tablets,  But still couldn’t sleep due to the load of  stress on my mind, I couldn’t receive a single sms from her. I was dreadful on such moment. That behavior continued for 7 days without a sleep. And that’s exactly I enter the demon world ( The anxiety )
That’s where my life started to get worse.
Its started am scared from people, when I see people am feeling worry, sometime I feel the place am going I might get lost, sometime I thought I wont even able to take bath when I wake up in the morning or forgetting to brush my teeth, I didn’t  know what happen if there was a Christmas or a new year, people where happy but I was totally different my thought where far.

On 3Rd January 2010, I went to my counselor, he only gave me one word, just to believe in my self otherwise ill be a victim. Well I remember his word but my anxiety increased to the maximum level , huh sometime its funny, you cant even remember to talk, day after day my life is getting worse. Sometime I feel do no longer exist in this world. My eyes focus is getting lower am not seeing the sun I used to see before. I cannot talk to a person cause of fear of misunderstanding. My god now just little things make me to think millions time.
My own business transaction I handle in hard time, just simple mathematics my head is getting hot. I sleep with problem and wake up with problem.
There was sometime I was  thinking to kill my self rather than living in this mental world, I found that  was horrible decision, I believe the existing of God, My God protect me from devil thoughts.

Now my life is getting worse and worse am even scared to sleep alone,
I wish if there was a magic pill so to get me out of this mess. Please can anyone help me.

[Bsocal]

I feel the same too, i think to much about some things, but when i get in that i dont give a Sh*t mode i have the best time of my life.. How do you get there? lolol