i think my boyfriend is the cause of my anxiety. help!

[erin626]

I've been with my bf for almost 3 years but lately things have been going bad. I've noticed too that when I'm with him I'm a lot more anxious than when I'm doing things without him. I have this little voice in my head telling me to leave him and I will feel better. It may sound crazy but when my ex of 4 years broke up with me my anxiety vanished about a month after the break up. My mom is more than willing to let me stay with her while I get back on my feet but I'm so torn. I don't know if a person/relationship can be the cause of all my anxiety but I can't think of anything else that would be causing it.

[scared198698]

Considering there is a pattern, like with your ex, you can see the common denominator in the equation is you. Your current bf wasn't in the last relationship with you and your ex, but you are present in both relationships. That shows the anxiety is coming from inside of you, not from them. What is probably happening is that you are already an anxious person and have difficulty dealing with things. So when you have your typical relationship conflicts you are unable to deal with it as well as you would if you weren't aren't anxious and stressed. In other words, your relationship probably does have legitimate issues or your bf isn't good or whatever, but at the end of the day your anxiety is cause by your way of thinking and your mind.

If he is no good then you should leave and not beat a dead horse of a relationship. But if you are blaming him for all of your anxiety, just know that this is very unlikely the cause

[1183love]

I believe this is possible and not really blaming anyone but acknowledging a unhealthy toxic relationship which Can cause low self esteem,loss of power etc..Those feelings play key with anxiety. Even a social anxiety can occur if a partner is possive and insecure not being able to interact with opposite sex.

[claire1123]

hey!!! so i been with my boyfriend for 4 months and one of the things that i notice is that ever since he went back home a month later my anxiety begin to emerge. we go to school together but we are in summer vacations so the fact that he is far away and that he might stop loving me or find someone else produces major anxiety attacks. i know that its hard, but when he is around is like nothing was ever wrong with me. i thought my anxiety came from other things but so far it is proven to  me that when im around him im o.k.
but also im starting therapy for this because i do think that i became clingy because im scared to lose him or because he represents a strong male figure in my life, since i was never that close to my dad.
i hope this help and hopefully we all get better.

[Irish4Kicks]

I know this is an old topic/thread but I got here through a google search so apologies.  I don't know if anyone will read this or reply or be interested but here goes:
I have always been a very positive person but around 10months ago I started getting a bit nervous every time left the house.  It has gotten gradually worse until the thoughts of dealing with people makes me panic.  Now this is bad but what makes it weird is that when I am at work (where I deal with people who can sometimes even be violent) I am completely fine and the anxiety VERY rarely creeps in...
I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years and we have been living together for around 18months.  I know I love her and that she loves me too.  She is very supportive and does everything she can to help me.  I just can't shake the feeling that my anxiety is a result of my relationship.  Maybe its the fact that I don't feel it at work, I don't know.
To try and put my reasoning into words is hard because I can't quite get it right but I have the same little voice telling me that all would be better if I was on my own. The fact I know I love her and that it would destroy her just causes a vicious cycle of thought.

Apologies for the mini-rant but this is the closest thing I have found to my train of thought so thought I should share.  Apologies again for dragging up an old topic.

[erin626]

Its weird though. If I spend too much time away from him I get anxious. I think I've become dependent on him and that scares me. I'm too scared to go do things without him..like shopping, getting gas for my car, driving etc. I never used to be like that. Its very weird and I kind of just want to be on my own so I can beat the anxiety.

[mama23babies]

I have often thought my husband is the cause of my anxiety. We have been together for7 years and have 3 children. Although he is very supportive now he liked to go out drinking with his friends when I was 7 months pregnant with our first child. It has happened several times over the years and I tried not to let it bother me much until last March when he had an "incident" with one of his buddies and two girls. I am not sure what happened between them but my panic attacks started in May of the same year. Now i am so clingy to him that I dont want to let him out of my sight or my anxiety goes through the roof. I need to learn how to fix but haven't yet.

My situation is a little different from yours since you are trying to stay away from your partner and I can't stand to be away from mine. Has something happened in your relationship to change the way you feel about him? Hopefully whatever the cause of our anxiety we will learn how to get over it. Good luck!

[MONICA402]

I try not to blame my anxiety on things but,it's hard when you know where your stress comes from.I to think my relationship plays a big role in it to.But,i think finding someone to talk to maybe a close friend or your therapist will help.I sometimes wanna find a big open area where nobody is and scream at the top of my lungs.I also think u should talk to him about how u feel even if u have to put it on papper.But,if u can't handle it in which sometimes i know it's hard to maybe leaveing is the thing to do.But,i can also understand u love him and it is more difficult when your feelings are involved.So i guess your at a crossroads and you have to go deep within yourself and figure out what is best.Same for myself.I hope all goes well.Keep your head up.

[erin626]

I see my therapist on tuesday. Things have just gone so bad with our relationship and my anxiety gets so bad when I'm with him that I sometimes try to avoid being with him which is hard because we live together.

[cnote]

Try not to blame your anxiety on things. I've been doing it for 3 years. And I've had some pretty silly things to blame on my anxiety. When really, we've just taught our brains to behave improperly to certain situations, thoughts etc.

I first blamed my anxiety on the death of my grandmother, who I lost to lung cancer (now this may be a root cause for my health anxiety, but not my general anxiety).

I also blamed my anxiety on my wife and her relationship with her twin sister. I felt like her sister came before me, her husband! But this was not the cause of my anxiety.

I've blamed so many things.

But I'm not saying your b/f is the cause. I'm just saying, be careful on what you THINK your anxiety is REALLY coming from.

Do you see a therapist? You should bring that up if you do see one. See what your therapist says. Good luck to you and your situation. No matter what, you will be okay. =)