Not on any meds? Really? If, by meds, you mean chemicals issued in exchange for little white peices of paper and some money, OK, you're not on meds. But if by meds we mean any ingested materials that change the way we feel, think or act, no matter the source, that allows caffine, alcohol, nicotine, dope and whatever kinds of things are in certain foods, and over-the-counter pain killers, vitamins, allergy remedies and so on. And then, after that, if we include the chemicals we make in our own bodies, the field gets really big.
Ruke -the chemicals don't know where they come from, so the distinction of source is kind of irrelevant. God forbid anyone should ever take insulin for diabetes because it is prescribed.
So, I'm asking you to re-think the prohibition against meds. I'm not suggesting you walk into the Valley of the Dolls, either or throw caution to the wind; all I'm saying is, don't let your own predisposition get in the way of something that might help you.
If you will look at my posts to Lizzie, you'll find some commentary about diagnosis which may be helpful to you. Crazy? Depressed? Anxiety? Whatever. Fact is, it worries you that every night after 2 hours of sleep you keep doing this stuff over and over again. Someone, somewhere, has to give it a name and depression and anxiety sound like good enough ones to me. But rather than speculating over what its going to be called, let's focus instead on doing something about it.
My opinion is that a consult with a psychiatrist would be a good starting place, and my guess is that some fairly mild medication may initially be in order to act as circuit breaker on the nightly behavior, together with a course of therapy to look under the hood and see what might be prompting this problem.
I think it is very interesting that you report, "... because at evenings....I start feeling like I'm not myself...and that everything starts moving in like slow motion....and I start going over negative thoughts in my mind..." And this all starts at evenings. Good opener for your first consult.
You are fortunate in that you are intelligent and articulate, so therapy should work pretty well for you. But do not let your opinions about prescription medication -or anything else- prevent you from taking something that might help you.
I hope you will keep us advised, and best wishes to you.