Aa
pressured, confused and angry
Does anyone know what direction I should go in? About 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with depression. This happened after the loss of my mother. (we were very close) When I went to my Primary care doctor, he gave me samples of lexapro and a script. Well, I felt so much better, until so time passed and and started to feel a little worse. At that point he upped me to 20mg of lexapro. So, ok, doing ok with that for about a year and then started to feel a little worse. At this point he added Wellbutrin xl to the mix. Ok, so I was feeling better and had some side effects, but I thought, great trade off. So now after 2.5 years of being on meds, I felt confident to try it on my own. After all I have been through some pretty tough times in the past and have always been able to cope. I have grieved over the loss of my mother and feel like I am dealing with her loss so much better. I have the usual upsets in life, 2 children 7 & 14 (teenager!) and a wonderful husband.
So now the problem....just recently I have had quit a few big projects going on and thought I was stressed out, until it dawned on me, that I am having anxiety. Very uncomfortable anxiety! Sleeplessness, nervousness, etc....
Is this the depression, that I thought I had conquered. Is this anxiety? My major projects are over and I am still feeling a bit unnerved. I cannot find the joy again in life. I am a reasonable person and I am fortunate that I can manage, but I am starting to get concerned again. I felt like the doctor orginally just wrote a script out last time and sent me on my way. My husband thinks I need to get a more fullfilling job and get out more, how can I when I feel the pressure of making everyone else happy around me. My family and friends think that I am supposed to be at their disposal most of the time. I dread answering the phone, because I always feel like someone wants something from me. I feel like what ever life I had has now been sucked out of me.
Is there any natural remedies that I can try, before considering going on meds again? (after all, it was very hard coming off of them)
Thanks for listening.
So now the problem....just recently I have had quit a few big projects going on and thought I was stressed out, until it dawned on me, that I am having anxiety. Very uncomfortable anxiety! Sleeplessness, nervousness, etc....
Is this the depression, that I thought I had conquered. Is this anxiety? My major projects are over and I am still feeling a bit unnerved. I cannot find the joy again in life. I am a reasonable person and I am fortunate that I can manage, but I am starting to get concerned again. I felt like the doctor orginally just wrote a script out last time and sent me on my way. My husband thinks I need to get a more fullfilling job and get out more, how can I when I feel the pressure of making everyone else happy around me. My family and friends think that I am supposed to be at their disposal most of the time. I dread answering the phone, because I always feel like someone wants something from me. I feel like what ever life I had has now been sucked out of me.
Is there any natural remedies that I can try, before considering going on meds again? (after all, it was very hard coming off of them)
Thanks for listening.
It sounds like you are experiencing anxiety and some depression. Do you do any exercising? And can you find a doctor that is someone you feel is really listening to you? It also sounds like you need to learn to say "no". A good friends or therapist can help you talk out your feelings about family. You could also check out some of the literature. You can cope!!! Plus, what is your age? Could your hormones be part of it?
Many times anxiety and depression can go hand in hand. You mention you were on medication, but have you actually talked to a mental healthcare professional about your depression/anxiety? In my opinion, medication combined with talk therapy has really done wonders for me. Talking it through with a counselor can open us up to understanding and dealing with our underlying issues that cause depression and anxiety. I also encourage you to use this forum; there are so many people here that have been in your shoes and genuinely care how things turn out.
I can relate to the deprssion following your mothers death. The same thing is what sent me into my first real "clinical" depression. She and I were very close as well, and her sudden and unexpected death sent me into a downward spiral that bottomed out when I just wanted to be dead as well. I had two young sons at the time........they were only 3 and 6 and I got so bad, I wasn't even caring if they ate or not! So, you KNOW that was a major depression when a mother doesn't care if her kids eat or not! Thanks to a very caring husband and good friends, I got off my butt and into the doctors office and therapy. A year on anti-depressants and learning to deal with my grief (and some other stuff floating around in there) finally brought me "back to life."
So, if I'm correct in understanding things, you are STILL on the ADs? But feel you are ready to discontinue them. But now you are feeling some anxiety. It sounds like you are a very busy person with many demands on your time. Children, a job, a home, a husband and apparently "friends" who expect you to be at their beck and call. Where in all this is time for YOU? And you wonder why you are feeling anxious and overwhelmed!
When you say you "cannot find the joy in life," that screams "depression" to me. You say you feel anxious and wonder if it could be anxiety? But you don't say you are having anxiety or panic attacks. A very good sign! If you are experiencing a sort of generalized anxiousness about keeping up with all the demands that are being put on you, then it's possible what you are dealing with is a major case of burn out and underappreciation! Add into that that you don't seem to be doing anything for yourself......and what you have, is, well..........YOU!
You say your husband suggests a more fullfilling job. Is that a real possibility? Are you unhappy at your work? Do you have other options? If any of that is true, you need to think about moving on to something that will, indeed, fullfill YOU. It may pay less, but doing something you are passionate about, something you really care about, makes it seem less like "work" and more about giving you back some self-esteem. As to your "friends" who are always seem to have their hands out, learn to say "NO!" If they get pissy and go away, they weren't your friends to begin with. Children are children and demand a huge amount of our time and energy, but that's just what being a parent is all about. (And trust me, you'll miss it when they no longer "need" you! Enjoy it while you can.)
I would suggest a very simple solution to some of your "problems." Sit down and write out everything and everybody who has or is putting demands on your time. You can do this in many ways. I would assume that your children would be at the very top of that list. Unless you sell them to the highest bidder, you're "stuck" with them! LOL You can't really change that fact. But maybe there are things that you can cut back on as far as their demands go. And perhaps your husband needs to take on a bit more responsibility in their "demands." I don't mean to slam your husband, I'm sure he's a great dad, but perhaps there are ways he can pitch in a bit more to ease some of the pressure off you? On your list, jot down all the things YOU do for the kids and all the things HE does for the kids and see how that scale balances out. If you are also working full time, then the division of labor needs to be reassesed. (He was, after all, there when the kids were conceived) That wasn't the end of his part of the deal!
Now tackle your friends. List pros and cons. Who and what stays and who and what goes. List all the things you do, all the things you believe have fallen totally on your shoulders. Do you do all the shopping and all the cleaning and all the laundry and all the bills and all the organizing that goes into running the business of a household. Are you, in effect, the cheif, cook AND bottle washer?
Start thinking about your list and what you can do to pare it down to what YOU can reasonably handle. What can you delegate? What can you simply stop doing?
For me, when I got to that totally overwhelmed stage while raising kids and working full time and lugging two kids through the grocery store after an 8 hour day and then cooking the dinner............I blew my stack and then I made my list and then I held a faimily meeting where I laid down some new laws and rules.
Maybe this will help you and maybe it won't.
If you can't beat your anxiety and your loss of joy by reorganizing your workload, then I would strongly suggest you visit your doctor again and have this same discussion with him/her. You could still be suffering from depression/anxiety and while I understand your desire to go it "naturally," which I applaude, for the time being, either staying on your anti-depressants (which don't seem to be helping) or adding a mild anti-anxiety med for a short period and getting into some good therapy will help you get out from under this load you're hauling around, mostly by yourself! Find a good and reputable Naturopathic doc who can do the "natural" thing for you.............but you gotta get proactive in your own life here, girlfriend. Aint no Mary Poppins gonna show up on your doorstep! That COW never showed up on MINE!
Keep us posted, OK? You're gonna be fine, eventually.
Peace
Greenlydia
So, if I'm correct in understanding things, you are STILL on the ADs? But feel you are ready to discontinue them. But now you are feeling some anxiety. It sounds like you are a very busy person with many demands on your time. Children, a job, a home, a husband and apparently "friends" who expect you to be at their beck and call. Where in all this is time for YOU? And you wonder why you are feeling anxious and overwhelmed!
When you say you "cannot find the joy in life," that screams "depression" to me. You say you feel anxious and wonder if it could be anxiety? But you don't say you are having anxiety or panic attacks. A very good sign! If you are experiencing a sort of generalized anxiousness about keeping up with all the demands that are being put on you, then it's possible what you are dealing with is a major case of burn out and underappreciation! Add into that that you don't seem to be doing anything for yourself......and what you have, is, well..........YOU!
You say your husband suggests a more fullfilling job. Is that a real possibility? Are you unhappy at your work? Do you have other options? If any of that is true, you need to think about moving on to something that will, indeed, fullfill YOU. It may pay less, but doing something you are passionate about, something you really care about, makes it seem less like "work" and more about giving you back some self-esteem. As to your "friends" who are always seem to have their hands out, learn to say "NO!" If they get pissy and go away, they weren't your friends to begin with. Children are children and demand a huge amount of our time and energy, but that's just what being a parent is all about. (And trust me, you'll miss it when they no longer "need" you! Enjoy it while you can.)
I would suggest a very simple solution to some of your "problems." Sit down and write out everything and everybody who has or is putting demands on your time. You can do this in many ways. I would assume that your children would be at the very top of that list. Unless you sell them to the highest bidder, you're "stuck" with them! LOL You can't really change that fact. But maybe there are things that you can cut back on as far as their demands go. And perhaps your husband needs to take on a bit more responsibility in their "demands." I don't mean to slam your husband, I'm sure he's a great dad, but perhaps there are ways he can pitch in a bit more to ease some of the pressure off you? On your list, jot down all the things YOU do for the kids and all the things HE does for the kids and see how that scale balances out. If you are also working full time, then the division of labor needs to be reassesed. (He was, after all, there when the kids were conceived) That wasn't the end of his part of the deal!
Now tackle your friends. List pros and cons. Who and what stays and who and what goes. List all the things you do, all the things you believe have fallen totally on your shoulders. Do you do all the shopping and all the cleaning and all the laundry and all the bills and all the organizing that goes into running the business of a household. Are you, in effect, the cheif, cook AND bottle washer?
Start thinking about your list and what you can do to pare it down to what YOU can reasonably handle. What can you delegate? What can you simply stop doing?
For me, when I got to that totally overwhelmed stage while raising kids and working full time and lugging two kids through the grocery store after an 8 hour day and then cooking the dinner............I blew my stack and then I made my list and then I held a faimily meeting where I laid down some new laws and rules.
Maybe this will help you and maybe it won't.
If you can't beat your anxiety and your loss of joy by reorganizing your workload, then I would strongly suggest you visit your doctor again and have this same discussion with him/her. You could still be suffering from depression/anxiety and while I understand your desire to go it "naturally," which I applaude, for the time being, either staying on your anti-depressants (which don't seem to be helping) or adding a mild anti-anxiety med for a short period and getting into some good therapy will help you get out from under this load you're hauling around, mostly by yourself! Find a good and reputable Naturopathic doc who can do the "natural" thing for you.............but you gotta get proactive in your own life here, girlfriend. Aint no Mary Poppins gonna show up on your doorstep! That COW never showed up on MINE!
Keep us posted, OK? You're gonna be fine, eventually.
Peace
Greenlydia
Thank you so much for your feedback on this. I am currently NOT on any meds and haven't been for about 6 mos. I feel like I was doing ok, just the past month I started to notice a change. I do feel much pressure from so many different directions, but I think that it can all be managed properly. I am just having a hard time with where to start. Thank you for so much for the support. A friend of mine had mentioned this website and I am really glad I found it. I am going to take you advice and tackle my lists and get emotionally organized. That may help. I will try that and see if I can motivate myself to excerise before I try any more meds. If that leaves me still struggling, I will visit a new doctor. I have spent a good part of the day doing research. And of course your feedback along with others is very helpful. Thank you...Patti
Thanks for the feedback also. It may be my hormone's. I am 42 and have recently been experiencing irregular periods. (about 6 months.) It is a coincidence, but that is how long I have been off my meds. But you are right, I will try the excerise and saying NO! I think that I have to learn to take my own advice and respect myself more, enough so to stop trying to help everyone else if it interfere's with my own life. Thank you so much...Patti
Your right when it comes to depression and anxiety. It is just that I haven't really thought of myself as depressed lately. It has really been more anxiety. But I am always open to suggestions. I will explore all, because I hate feeling this way. I went to a physchiatrist (the one that gives you the meds) and all he did was listen for about 20 minutes (no feedback) and then wrote me out all kinds of prescriptions. Great, all I wanted was some kind of explanation to why I would be taking them. I also have alot of experience in the talk therapy department. I have been to therapist so many times before for other issues I have had as a child. It has helped before, but I am really not ready to start that process just yet. I am going to try the excerise first. Thank you very much.
(Love the name, by the way..."Pressuredpatti"!!!!)
I couldn't agree more with lydia and cj and kat. Definitely perimenopause could be playing a role, but also, going off of those meds that have kept your emotions in check, more or less...is a pretty big adjustment. I agree that you have a LOT on your plate...and assessing that, and decreasing your workload (home and/or work) is be a great place to start!
It sounds like the anxiety at this point is mild, and the depression is just starting to sneak in there...so you may be able to nip it all in the bud before it gets too much further along for you.
Start like lydia suggested, in the meantime, make an MD appt...discuss your concerns....going to the doc doesn't mean you will have to go back on the meds...that is up to you. I think right now....other approaches may be enough for you. But, seeing your doctor is a good idea anyway.
I also don't think therapy would hurt...sometimes it just feels soooo good to unload on someone who is a neutral 3rd party. Plus, they are great at giving stress-reduction tips/exercises. You may really benefit from something like that.
Lastly...be kind to YOU. You sound like you are so busy being there for everyone else, that you have neglected to be there for yourself. Starting to say "no"...even to small things may free up some precious time for you to soak in a hot bubble bath, take a walk, smell the roses, etc.
Being generous and kind and caring and loving to a fault is a wonderful attribute, and you should be proud of yourself for being that way, HOWEVER, not at the expense of your own sense of peace and happiness, right?
Also, I'm very sorry for the loss of your mother....
I couldn't agree more with lydia and cj and kat. Definitely perimenopause could be playing a role, but also, going off of those meds that have kept your emotions in check, more or less...is a pretty big adjustment. I agree that you have a LOT on your plate...and assessing that, and decreasing your workload (home and/or work) is be a great place to start!
It sounds like the anxiety at this point is mild, and the depression is just starting to sneak in there...so you may be able to nip it all in the bud before it gets too much further along for you.
Start like lydia suggested, in the meantime, make an MD appt...discuss your concerns....going to the doc doesn't mean you will have to go back on the meds...that is up to you. I think right now....other approaches may be enough for you. But, seeing your doctor is a good idea anyway.
I also don't think therapy would hurt...sometimes it just feels soooo good to unload on someone who is a neutral 3rd party. Plus, they are great at giving stress-reduction tips/exercises. You may really benefit from something like that.
Lastly...be kind to YOU. You sound like you are so busy being there for everyone else, that you have neglected to be there for yourself. Starting to say "no"...even to small things may free up some precious time for you to soak in a hot bubble bath, take a walk, smell the roses, etc.
Being generous and kind and caring and loving to a fault is a wonderful attribute, and you should be proud of yourself for being that way, HOWEVER, not at the expense of your own sense of peace and happiness, right?
Also, I'm very sorry for the loss of your mother....
We crossed posted...I see you're not quite ready for the therapy route yet...that is fine....just try to make some changes at home and with your daily life...and maybe try some meditation CD's.....those have been helpful for a lot of people.
Exercise is a GREAT approach as well, it releases the endorphins that keep us happier. Just start slowly if you aren't a big exerciser...you don't want to end up laid up in bed with every muscle in your body aching and twitching.....LOL.
:0)
Exercise is a GREAT approach as well, it releases the endorphins that keep us happier. Just start slowly if you aren't a big exerciser...you don't want to end up laid up in bed with every muscle in your body aching and twitching.....LOL.
:0)
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