Aa
shyness
My shyness is ruining my life im 22 iv had it scince i was little. I cannot get over it i cant make friends or join in social situations. I spend alot of time alone worrying about stupid things. I dread going to work iv been sacked from jobs because i dont join in or communicate well. Iv been the doctors but they said i was depressed iv taken anti depressants they stop me worrying but im still useless at social things. I am very lonely and just wish I could make friends and enjoys things more. Is there any cure for painfull shyness or a tablet I could take.
Thankyou for all your replies I just wanted to no if there was any form of medication for severe shyness i could take as i am getting worse not better. I dont think talking my problems threw would help as I was born this way i didnt get shy threw a habbit. Does seroxate work my doctor said he wouln't perscribe that as its been getting a lot of bad press.
Also im from small town in england not sure what a shrink means
Also im from small town in england not sure what a shrink means
Maybe you could pick up a book on Social Anxiety, I am sure it will provide many rituals to get your mind and body adapted to interacting with people in a social atmosphere. Try to get out and mingle with different people in different settings. You could build your own new character in an environment were nobody really knows the "real" you. It's just like switching schools as a youngster... you were a geek at your last scool, but could be the queen of the prom at your new school. It's fun!!
This is not something that is easy to over come, trust me, I've been there. What you may need is a strong "alfa" friend to help build your confidence. With me it took meeting a young lady much like myself.. she was a Cancer, she had long curly dark hair, and we wore the same size clothes. I watched her run a a room, and I watched her walk up and talk to EVERYONE. She taught me that people cannot read what is going on in your mind, unless you display the fact that you are terrified, and that you are paranoid about your eye boogers, or your teeth, or panty line. I now have an Alfa Fiancee', he is the strong one of the two of us, and no matter what room I walk into with him, I know everyone will like me because HE is likeable. This may not make much sense but it is what works for me. I watch people interact, and I learn from them.
Of course, alcohol, just like any mind altering drug, can help with social anxiety as well. Be careful with the drugs and alcohol.
This is not something that is easy to over come, trust me, I've been there. What you may need is a strong "alfa" friend to help build your confidence. With me it took meeting a young lady much like myself.. she was a Cancer, she had long curly dark hair, and we wore the same size clothes. I watched her run a a room, and I watched her walk up and talk to EVERYONE. She taught me that people cannot read what is going on in your mind, unless you display the fact that you are terrified, and that you are paranoid about your eye boogers, or your teeth, or panty line. I now have an Alfa Fiancee', he is the strong one of the two of us, and no matter what room I walk into with him, I know everyone will like me because HE is likeable. This may not make much sense but it is what works for me. I watch people interact, and I learn from them.
Of course, alcohol, just like any mind altering drug, can help with social anxiety as well. Be careful with the drugs and alcohol.
It seems you may have a form of social anxiety I actually suffer from it. I cannot make phone calls, have a hard time looking at people when I talk to them, and I am considered a loner. I have no friends, and when I do finally make a friend I end up losing due to not answering my phone. I have a hard tie making appts for myself, and I dread going out. I am also on celexa for anxiety which has helped me out a lot. There for awhile my doctors and many therapists thought I had depression, bipolar depression, and even psychosis. The last therapist I went to said I have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and sever anxiety. I also get freaked out easily, I have melt downs, mundane things seem to overwhelm me and I constantly worry over everything. My therapist even said I have been way too hyper during our meetings, and was dismissed early. i fidgit, have a hard time sitting down, and I am always saying the same things in my head constantly, I am afrid of forgetting things. Maybe you should you see a therapist about possible anxiety. By the way I am not depressed at all. If you find the anti depressantmeds are not working bring up anxiety. Good Luck!
You said that you have you have taken anti-depressants to combat this with consultation from your doctor. I applaud you for realizing this and working it out with him/her, but that is only half the battle. There is no 'magic pill' to 'cure' you of this. Have you considered talking it out in therapy? Learning about why you think the way you do in social settings could really empower you to feel much more comfortable. Please keep us posted!
Practice makes perfect, shy, and here you are right smack dab in the middle of a whole community of people who are willing to help and just be friends.
There is no "anti-shy" pill that I know of, although there are medications that give us a sense of well being, sometimes, when we face really tough social situations such as speeches, court rooms, etc. But that's all short-term stuff. What you report is something of long standing -so the approach will need to be deeper and wider.
Therapy would be a good start, I should think, with a trusted shrink who can help you work on this, but let me throw out an image to you, and then you tell me what you think of it.
Imagine, if you will, a lazy stream on which you are on one raft, and some freinds are on another. You're just going to follow the current until it goes wherever it goes, so you paddle a bit just to keep up a reasonable pace. You are just a few feet apart as you drift lazily down the stream, chatting and laughing, tossing sandwhiches and drinks back and forth. Life is good.
Now the stream gradually widens into a small river and flows a bit faster. Not too fast, not scary, but moves along. And you observe that the river (like all rivers) is not really just one big flow, but rather a number of currents which move this way and that -all while still moving generally in the same direction. So your raft becomes separated from the other by a few yards. And your attention is drawn to the construction of the raft, things along the sore and occasional other watercraft. You are mildly uneasy, but it is no big deal. You feel safe, and you can easily paddle and steer over toward the other raft. And the over-all experience seems OK, normal, even enjoyable despite your mild uneasiness.
But then, after an hour or so, you realize that your raft has become widely separated from the other, the current has grown stronger -and that there is a fork up ahead. You are going to go one way -and the others are going to take the other branch. And you can't move your raft closer to theirs. You hear and see them laughing, chatting, having a great time. They call to you and wave you over -but now, you are in a struggle.
You will in the rest -if any of it makes the least bit of sense- but I would guess that at this point in your float trip, you realize that you've taken a very different path -even though it all sort of came up gradually and over time.
If only you could go back.
Well, maybe you CAN go back, because this trip is mostly in your noggin.' I think a course of therapy to look at the twists and turns over your life will help you do that. And I recommend you seek the help of a qualified professional.
The goal here, by the way, is not necessarily to become very social and "talky" or active. You may be a reserved and kind of quiet person by nature. Nothing wrong with that. The goal, rather, is to be happy, OK with yourself. OK with the currents you travel. So, in addition to whatever behavioral adjustments may help you deal more effectively with the flow of life, there may well be some work to be happy with who you are -and to know who you are.
What a wonderful post! Keep us in the loop, won't you?
There is no "anti-shy" pill that I know of, although there are medications that give us a sense of well being, sometimes, when we face really tough social situations such as speeches, court rooms, etc. But that's all short-term stuff. What you report is something of long standing -so the approach will need to be deeper and wider.
Therapy would be a good start, I should think, with a trusted shrink who can help you work on this, but let me throw out an image to you, and then you tell me what you think of it.
Imagine, if you will, a lazy stream on which you are on one raft, and some freinds are on another. You're just going to follow the current until it goes wherever it goes, so you paddle a bit just to keep up a reasonable pace. You are just a few feet apart as you drift lazily down the stream, chatting and laughing, tossing sandwhiches and drinks back and forth. Life is good.
Now the stream gradually widens into a small river and flows a bit faster. Not too fast, not scary, but moves along. And you observe that the river (like all rivers) is not really just one big flow, but rather a number of currents which move this way and that -all while still moving generally in the same direction. So your raft becomes separated from the other by a few yards. And your attention is drawn to the construction of the raft, things along the sore and occasional other watercraft. You are mildly uneasy, but it is no big deal. You feel safe, and you can easily paddle and steer over toward the other raft. And the over-all experience seems OK, normal, even enjoyable despite your mild uneasiness.
But then, after an hour or so, you realize that your raft has become widely separated from the other, the current has grown stronger -and that there is a fork up ahead. You are going to go one way -and the others are going to take the other branch. And you can't move your raft closer to theirs. You hear and see them laughing, chatting, having a great time. They call to you and wave you over -but now, you are in a struggle.
You will in the rest -if any of it makes the least bit of sense- but I would guess that at this point in your float trip, you realize that you've taken a very different path -even though it all sort of came up gradually and over time.
If only you could go back.
Well, maybe you CAN go back, because this trip is mostly in your noggin.' I think a course of therapy to look at the twists and turns over your life will help you do that. And I recommend you seek the help of a qualified professional.
The goal here, by the way, is not necessarily to become very social and "talky" or active. You may be a reserved and kind of quiet person by nature. Nothing wrong with that. The goal, rather, is to be happy, OK with yourself. OK with the currents you travel. So, in addition to whatever behavioral adjustments may help you deal more effectively with the flow of life, there may well be some work to be happy with who you are -and to know who you are.
What a wonderful post! Keep us in the loop, won't you?
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