Aa
On the subject of toilets...
So Peek, you raised boys...well, here's my first question for you. :-)
Trevor is wanting to have "men's room independence" if we have to use a public restroom (which I generally try to avoid, but when a kid's gotta go, a kid's gotta go...and well, the same goes for the prego momma now).
Well, he's about to turn five years old next month, and he is certainly getting in touch with his "masculine side" lately. I think part of that may have to do with the fact that Brandon is part of his everyday life now, hence a consistent male role model and father, which is a good thing, but at the same time...now he is getting a little more headstrong about being...well...a boy.
The only issue I have with that right now is the public restroom thing. If it's just Trev and me and I have to take him to the bathroom, he is getting quite adamant that he should be using the men's restroom and not going with me into the women's restroom. I wouldn't have a problem with this if it weren't for these issues:
1) Public restrooms are just plain nasty--and that's only knowing of *women's* restrooms! I'd hate to see some men's restrooms, also now knowing what it's like just living with two guys and what they can do to a bathroom in a matter of minutes (bleeeehhhhh!).
2) Trevor has a habit of getting sidetracked and distracted by anything and everything. There is no telling who he might talk to or what he might touch or get into while he's in there.
3) I just don't trust people. I don't want my son alone in a public restroom with adult men unless Brandon is with him.
Anyway, I guess this is more like two questions than just one.
My first question (a two-in-one) is, should I start giving Trevor men's room independence in places I know and trust, like my workplace or church? Or might that give him the impression "if you let me go by myself there, why can't I go by myself here?" And the best way to avoid that being to make him accompany me to the women's restroom until he's older and more mature.
The second question is, how old is too old for him to be accompanying me into the women's restroom? I know there have been times I've been in a restroom and a mother will bring her son in who appears to be around 7-9 years old, and I feel that is too old. But...now that I have a son who's getting older, when is the appropriate time to make him wait for me outside the restroom or go in the men's restroom without supervision?
Trevor is wanting to have "men's room independence" if we have to use a public restroom (which I generally try to avoid, but when a kid's gotta go, a kid's gotta go...and well, the same goes for the prego momma now).
Well, he's about to turn five years old next month, and he is certainly getting in touch with his "masculine side" lately. I think part of that may have to do with the fact that Brandon is part of his everyday life now, hence a consistent male role model and father, which is a good thing, but at the same time...now he is getting a little more headstrong about being...well...a boy.
The only issue I have with that right now is the public restroom thing. If it's just Trev and me and I have to take him to the bathroom, he is getting quite adamant that he should be using the men's restroom and not going with me into the women's restroom. I wouldn't have a problem with this if it weren't for these issues:
1) Public restrooms are just plain nasty--and that's only knowing of *women's* restrooms! I'd hate to see some men's restrooms, also now knowing what it's like just living with two guys and what they can do to a bathroom in a matter of minutes (bleeeehhhhh!).
2) Trevor has a habit of getting sidetracked and distracted by anything and everything. There is no telling who he might talk to or what he might touch or get into while he's in there.
3) I just don't trust people. I don't want my son alone in a public restroom with adult men unless Brandon is with him.
Anyway, I guess this is more like two questions than just one.
My first question (a two-in-one) is, should I start giving Trevor men's room independence in places I know and trust, like my workplace or church? Or might that give him the impression "if you let me go by myself there, why can't I go by myself here?" And the best way to avoid that being to make him accompany me to the women's restroom until he's older and more mature.
The second question is, how old is too old for him to be accompanying me into the women's restroom? I know there have been times I've been in a restroom and a mother will bring her son in who appears to be around 7-9 years old, and I feel that is too old. But...now that I have a son who's getting older, when is the appropriate time to make him wait for me outside the restroom or go in the men's restroom without supervision?
Everyone's given you excellent advice. I have the same issue with my 5 year old. He wants to go in the boys room and I tell him he has to go with me when we're out in public, unless he's with my husband, of course. I try to make sure my son goes before we head out anywhere, too, so that we won't even have to deal with it while we're out. That usually works.
Oh yeah -- he should be able to reach urinals and flush them without help. Find an empty mens room and let him practice.
Swampy wants to know -- why is it that any activity that consists of putting material into our bodies is a public activity, but anything that involves taking material out of our bodies is a private matter?
One practical word -- let him go by himself as soon as he knows to be polite, clean, and zip up before he goes back out. He'll feel proud and grown up.
One practical word -- let him go by himself as soon as he knows to be polite, clean, and zip up before he goes back out. He'll feel proud and grown up.
There's a rule about how far they distance themselves from the urinal.
???
Go figure.
???
Go figure.
I've questioned men about these "unspoken rules". Apparently, there's a rule that if a guy is using a urinal, and there are a bunch of empty ones, you don't go to the one next to him. Women don't have these rules about stalls. I wonder what other ones there are.
I agree.
And to think...I'm gonna be living in a house-full of 'em before too long. :-O
And to think...I'm gonna be living in a house-full of 'em before too long. :-O
Men are totally creepy sometimes.
That sentence was meant to be, "'unspoken rules' in men's restrooms, AS Brandon calls them."
Thanks, Peek. :-)
I do plan to have Brandon take Trevor to men's restrooms now, if he's with us. But most of the time, it's just Trevor and me going to public places.
I will make sure we talk to him together about bathroom rules and etiquitte. Trevor knows it all pretty well for women's restrooms, obviously, but it's not like I have a whole lotta knowledge to tell him about "unspoken rules" in men's restrooms, and Brandon calls them.
Like you, I will never understand why or how men can do their business in front of other dudes. I have a hard enough time overcoming my "shyness" behind a closed stall door in a public restroom!
In the meantime, for the next couple of years at least, if I have Trevor with only me, he will be going with me into the women's bathroom. I don't want him exposed to adult men when he's alone, as young as he is, and considering he hasn't quite mastered the "pee hole" yet so he just pulls down his pants to his ankles and bears it all. But I have recently started making him wait for me outside the stall, or go in a stall by himself without my help.
I do plan to have Brandon take Trevor to men's restrooms now, if he's with us. But most of the time, it's just Trevor and me going to public places.
I will make sure we talk to him together about bathroom rules and etiquitte. Trevor knows it all pretty well for women's restrooms, obviously, but it's not like I have a whole lotta knowledge to tell him about "unspoken rules" in men's restrooms, and Brandon calls them.
Like you, I will never understand why or how men can do their business in front of other dudes. I have a hard enough time overcoming my "shyness" behind a closed stall door in a public restroom!
In the meantime, for the next couple of years at least, if I have Trevor with only me, he will be going with me into the women's bathroom. I don't want him exposed to adult men when he's alone, as young as he is, and considering he hasn't quite mastered the "pee hole" yet so he just pulls down his pants to his ankles and bears it all. But I have recently started making him wait for me outside the stall, or go in a stall by himself without my help.
Hmmmm.....Mr. Peek STILL wants to go into the womens restrooms, and he's 45.
I'd say try to avoid the issue for a while longer with the family restrooms, if possible.
If this can't be done for long, have "the" talk with him about privacy, about personal space, strangers, touching, etc. Have Brandon go with him for some "test" trips, where Brandon tries to not interfere with Trev, just sort of see how he handles it in there.
Brandon can then be a judge of how likely Trev is to get sidetracked, if Trev is too friendly with adults, etc.
Its important to teach these skills. The bathroom is not a time for social interaction. Its doing what needs to be done, washing your hands, and getting out. Don't scare him, but be firm. Get in, get it done, get out.
I'm not creeped out by boys in the ladies room, because women have stalls. Men do their thing right out in front of everyone else, which I will NEVER, EVER understand.
So give him the ground rules, and start having Brandon deliberately take him on some test runs of selected bathrooms. Let him see how Trev does.
I'd say try to avoid the issue for a while longer with the family restrooms, if possible.
If this can't be done for long, have "the" talk with him about privacy, about personal space, strangers, touching, etc. Have Brandon go with him for some "test" trips, where Brandon tries to not interfere with Trev, just sort of see how he handles it in there.
Brandon can then be a judge of how likely Trev is to get sidetracked, if Trev is too friendly with adults, etc.
Its important to teach these skills. The bathroom is not a time for social interaction. Its doing what needs to be done, washing your hands, and getting out. Don't scare him, but be firm. Get in, get it done, get out.
I'm not creeped out by boys in the ladies room, because women have stalls. Men do their thing right out in front of everyone else, which I will NEVER, EVER understand.
So give him the ground rules, and start having Brandon deliberately take him on some test runs of selected bathrooms. Let him see how Trev does.
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