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Asperger's Syndrome Community
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Avatar universal

AS boyfriend shuts down

I am in a 4 month relationship, he's extremely smart, I love him dearly, but I don't know how to cope with him being so brutally honest and shutting down especially with me, I suffer from depression and I am an introvert, I think that's why he's opened up a little bit with me, I hate social gatherings and in that sense we get along great, he's affectionate most of the times, but it seems that I cannot express my feelings or speak my mind if something is bothering me, when I do so he tells me that I'm wrong, he's right and that is the end of it, if I keep going trying to express my feelings in a different way he breaks up with me... I am so in love but he hurts my feelings constantly, we were going to see each other yesterday, but he started to say that I was mad at him, when I wasn't at all! I told him that I haven't done anything for him to think that, he then told me he dind't want to see me, he wanted his space and that I was smothering him, I said that it was a hurtful way to say it and he told me I was manipulating him. I truly don't understand... I asked him If I had done something wrong, his response: nothing is absolute, there are no wrongs or rights...what?? what does that mean?? he hasn't texted since, I am very depressed I don't know what to do or how to make him realize that is not the way to treat me?? He says he wants to marry me, it would be my second marriage, and I could not bear another failed marriage, I do love him and I want us to work things out, but he just goes from saying I am the love of his life to shutting down completely, just to me. Why?? I need advice, I am desperate enough to create this post. Sorry for typos or bad grammar, english is not my first language and I am not ok right now.
1 Responses
Avatar universal
Wow. I was diagnosed with Asperger's , put on xanax for ptsd, then Dr said I didn't have it but two others said I did. I studied psychology in college to understand myself, not to get a degree. So. I see it differently in men and women , the Aspie's. When you said your boyfriend said this or that, I could relate to having those thoughts and saying those things. But underneath it all, I was projecting a confidence, or an intellect, rather than addressing the situation. I'd get sidetracked and make broad comments, but boy did I love him (my ex fiancé) I'm now married and have learned to communicate but my husband (soon to be ex) is the one shutting down now. Not for autism but bc he had umbilical cord wrapped around his neck at birth that cut off oxygen, blood supply to brain. And I swear it killed his empathy. Anyhow. I miss my ex and I wish he'd cared as much to write on a forum to try and get help with me. He did everything I told him to he put up with all my weirdness and tantrums. I miss him. I left him. Bad choice. Hopefully your bf will realize what he has before it's gone. I can't fault him for it. It's very hard for an aspie to trust , to open up, sometimes even to let someone touch them. So it's hard, I suggest counseling, or an appt w a psychiatrist that specializes in autism spectrum disorders. Like couples counseling, in a way. Hope it helps :)
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