Asperger's Syndrome Community
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Asperger friend goes cold


This is my first post and i hope to get some advice. I met areally nice guy with asperger, almost a year ago. Very soon he told me he was different. That never bothered me. He is a nice guy, we became best friends very easy. After 2 months we were so close we teceted eachtother everyday from morning till evening. We laughed and had some serious conversations too. He is been alone for 3 years and also never had sex in those three years. So at one point i told him i had feelings for him. And he totally freaked out and told me he couldn't be more then friends because in his head i deserve better. He would be a burden. After that we continued our friendship and 3 weeks later after lots of hesitating he kissed me. It seemed so natural and easy. I was so happy. But still that didn't define that we were dating. No after the kissing, few days later he couldn't handle the thought and told me he didn't feel what i felt. The thing is i know he also feels for me, he acts jealous at times and sometimes a compliment slips away that he thinks i'm the prettiest girl he's ever seen. So i didn't get it. A couple weeks later he kissed me again and we ended up having sex, which was very difficult because he was freaking out during and stressed so there were some erection problems but he kept trying and i appreciated that. We had sex twice and he freaked out after the 2nd time. He would overanalyze, and went to the doctors thinking he had a disease now. He had some redness (it was 3 years ago what di you expect, it was jist some irritation). Weeks go by and i really didn't know where we were because we were still not 'something' so i asked him. He could not say the words that i could be his girlfriend. He just wants friendship. I am the best thing ever happened to him but he can't be ik a relationship. I had a very long talk with him to show him how pure my intentions are. That i want to be by his side, during every struggle. That i am compassionate, and care for him. He can't. Then i told hil i can't be just friends. I'm passed that and i would always hope for more. I know that is the worst for him losing me completely. I'm also his best friend. He barely gets that close to somebody. I hoped he would change his mind. He doesn't go to therapy to learn how to handle things. But he's so passive. He would rather let me go then get up and do something. I know he has feelings, he would not have sex with someone he doesn't feel for because he hates sex. So i told him goodbye. My heart is broken, but i hope that the he misses me so much that he will come back and give it a try. I don't know if asperger's go that far. I don't know how to handle him. He's gone cold and feels like we focussed to mich on his 'weirdness' that it just slipped away. He doesn't feel like a man but like a child to me. I reassured him that he is kot less than any man for me. That the good outweighs the bad and i truly care for him. But there is nothing i can say to make him understand how real i am. I really love him. The word love i never used because he couldn't handle that. But for my wellbeing, it's all or nothing. I can't be just friends, i'm in love. Did i do the right thing?
1 Responses
Avatar universal
Sorry for the many spelling mistakes. I'm on my phone. So teceted means texted ;-)
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