Asperger's Syndrome Community
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Avatar universal

Asperger's Syndrome: Extreme Social Phobia

Hello, I am 17 yrs old very soon to be 18 on April 22nd. I have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome a good while back and I was wondering if anyone else is going through what I am going through right now. I'm terrified of both talking to people on the phone & in Person, and I'm really struggling with socializing. I'm trying to get over it, but I still am finding myself trying to avoid all social contact. I am able to communicate through written communication such as this message okay, but if it was an online chat, I wouldn't be able to talk. The telephone terrifies me. I mean that even though I can't see the person on the other end of the line, I still feel the tremendous levels of stress and fear rising inside of me. My phobia is so bad that I am uneasy being around many of my family members, even though I love them more than anything. I'm not uneasy being around my Mom though, she is my one and only friend.

If I end up getting in a conversation with someone, I end up getting so nervous that most of the time I end up getting really sad or sick to my stomach feeling. Please if there is anyone else going through what I am, don't hesitate to respond. I would love to be able to talk to you via messaging about this problem. Thank You so Much! I greatly appreciate your time and consideration! :)

Poll Question:

                    What do you experience the worse about socializing with others?

40 Responses
Avatar universal
i do feel socially ackward at times, but i have learned that it is my mind playing tricks on me, the aspergers wants me to think i am less than other people!!!
so if i am not careful i can become isolated, some things that help me not be isolated
i am a memeber of a group sport, i take my kids to the park every wed. and skating on friday, both places are real crowded, and i meet other moms, i usually let them do most of the talking, i also goto na and ea which you would not need na, but ea may help
recently i have limited the amount of time i spend on my computer, and i do this activity where i drawl both of my hands on a piece of paper, on my right hand i list 5 people who i can call on a regular basis, people i lean on for support, and on my left i write down 5 people i know that are going through rough periods that i can help and be there for them
i do believe that we were not ment to be alone, i have never been a "loner" but because of my strange response to people when i was younger it was really hard to make friends, i wanted friends, i just had to work harder at it, and before EA i did not know how to do that
Avatar universal
Thank you so much for your response, it is greatly appreciated! :) Could you please explain what NA and EA are though? I'm sorry, I don't understand. :(

I wish you the best of luck in Life and hope that you are doing a lot better. :) Thanks again!

Avatar universal
Avatar universal
Thank you!!! :)
Avatar universal
My daughter was diagnosed with AS at your age. She is now 26, married with 3 lovely boys. Life can be lived. Although she still doesn't answer the door or the phone if she doesn't know who is calling. The little picture on your message is lovely, do you have a dog? reason for asking is my daughter realised she was better when we had a dog. The dog seemed to give her confidence. She now has her own dog and has become very much more confident and happy since it's arrival. Maybe something to think about. Keep trying.
Avatar universal
As someone who battled anxiety/fears, etc.  you have to begin with being more compassionate toward yourself with compassionate self talk.   Lucinda Bassett's Attacking Anxiety program helped me and has helped many others.  The cd's are expensive but was well worth it for me.   She also has a book.  Give yourself a pat on the back for small steps.   As a school counselor, I have seen students who have had this----you can overcome this.   Good luck to you!  
887932 tn?1241335303
hi my son is turning 18 too he has aspergers,adhd,osd and a delayment he hates talking on the phone and too people he cant socialize as well give him a computor too chat do banking etc hes fine hes in a speical school and his teacher is brillaint and with her and my help hes starting too do new things under instruction he can talk on the phone
Avatar universal
Thank you so much for your response, it is greatly appreciated!!! :)

I'm very sorry to hear that your son is going through the same things that I am. :( I'm glad to hear that he is getting better though. I wish him the best of luck in life! :)
894766 tn?1241540001
I can understand what you are going through. I have never been officially diagnosed with Aspergers but my daugter currently has been dianosed with ADHD and OCD and is being officially tested for Aspergers in a week. But I do believe now that I am understanding Aspergers more I think I could very likely be diagnosed. As an adult I have been diagnosed with bipolar then they decided years later they think it might just be adhd and depression with a bit of an anxiety order thrown into the mix. ha ha!  
I remember when I was in school I could not look anyone in the eye. And oh my goodness... the thought of talking to someone was just enough to make me pass out. I remember the fear I had in school when the teacher was calling on students to answer a question.I would panic, and pray that they would not call my name.  As a teenager I remember not being able to order my own food at restaraunts. I still have some difficulty with that and I have learned to let the person with me order first and then I will just say "That sounds good, I think I will have the same thing".  For some reason that takes away the intense anxiety for me and it enables me to be able to talk to the waiter/waitress enough to order some food.  I remember as I got a little bit older (I was about 20) my mother in law was so upset with me because I could not pick up the phone and call someone to make an appointment. To this day I HATE phone conversations unless it is my husband or my mom. I have to mentally prepare (sometimes for days) to call and make an appointment. I have learned to adapt over the years. I have even been very successful in hotel management and sales. So it can be done. You just have to learn to adapt to situations. It's almost like acting, and no one knows.  It is a game of mind over matter. When I am talking to someone I am ALWAYS making a conscious effort to make eye contact. Honestly, I am not always making eye contact. I am looking at their nose sometimes or looking somewhere close to their eyes. But they have no idea I am avoiding direct eye contact. They just see that I am paying attention to them.

Back to the phone issue... (sorry I am a bit scattered today. ha ha!) Not only do I have a problem talking to people on the phone sometimes. But when they call and I cannot answer, and they leave a voicemail. I even have trouble listening to the voicemail. So what I do is when I notice on my caller ID that someone has called I will just call them back whenever I am mentally in a place that I can call them back.

I have a bit of trouble at family functions and my childrens school events. So I understand what you're going through. But I can assure you that it can be managed. It takes some work to mentally "deprogram" what your brain is telling you. I think as I got older I was able to understand what is considered "normal" (I really hate that word though) and what is something that my mind is telling me that is hindering my day to day functions. Believe it or not... If you were to ask people to describe me they would say I am a social person. I find that hilarious. They have no idea how much work it takes for me to appear that way.    :)  
Avatar universal
Thank You Sooo Much for your response, I greatly appreciate it!!!! :) :) I'm very sorry to hear that you and your daughter are going through the same things that I am. :(

I have never really had a problem with eye contact, but if some people continue to "Stare" at me for long periods of time I get really uneasy. I am trying my best to "get over it" but it is sooo hard. I believe that I'm getting a little bit better, but I'm still terrified of the telephone and social contact. Like you, I'm even scared to order my own food at a restaurant or speak on the telephone for any reason.

I guess I'm scared to give my own opinion out-loud to others. I mean when we have to work on group projects in college, I get really uneasy and feel as if my ideas won't provide any help, just end up having the other students look "down on me". I believe the main reason why this is because I have been bullied throughout my entire education from Elementary school all the way to High School. I have always been shy and being bullied didn't help anything. :(

Thank you again for your response, it is greatly appreciated!!!! :) I hope you and your daughter keep improving with each and every day. I wish you both the best of luck in life!!!! :) :)
Avatar universal
just a personal observation but i can say that people who have aspers suffer from fear of rejection
if you think about a small child with learning disibilities, who has been picked on in school will have a tougher time trusting people
just a thought
if you put yourself out there and people do not respect who you are, and what you have its kind of like why even bother????????
Avatar universal
Thank you sooo much for your comment. :) Yes, I do agree that if people don't respect who you are then why bother trying to speak to them. Especially if they are going to make fun or disrespect me.

I also agree that I have a hard time trusting other people. I mean that if someone touches my property such as my Video Games, I get really nervous and worried that they might break them. That might sound dumb and I know that they won't break them, but I get a horrible anxiety attack or something like that whenever that happens.

Do you know what might be causing these "anxiety attacks"? Is it something else or does it go hand-in-hand with my Asperger's Syndrome?

Thank You Sooo Much for Everything, Your Comments are greatly appreciated!!!! :)
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