Hi I need some advice I think I might have Asperger's Syndrome and need ideas about what to do. I am 32, still live at home. I am an only child. I have not been told or diagnosed that I have autism or asperger's but the more I have looked into it the more it seems to fit me. I have pretty severe social anxiety, I don't do well at all with crowds or unknown people, and it's VERY hard for me to start conversations or to think of what to say sometimes. This has been the case since I can remember, probably 3rd or 4th grade. I was very withdrawn and shy in middle and high schools. I was also dealing with accepting my sexuality and being gay, and was bullied a lot in school. I still have ptsd from that. In high school it got so bad that instead of going to school and socializing I faked illnesses just so I could say home and watch soap operas which I became obsessed with. My grades were very bad and I barely graduated high school. I could never focus or learn things that I wasn't interested in. It just doesn't work.
I have been told I have average to above average intelligence but that doesn't mean much because I have trouble functioning. I have come to terms and accepting my sexual orientation, but I am having lots of problems. I spend my days watching old classic movies or on my computer or shopping for things. I tend to have a few very strong random interests like geology, history, astronomy, that nobody much my age gets. I could probably talk about these things with some of the best minds but yet I don't have the education to back it up.
I have seen a couple of psychiatrists. One thought I was bipolar, which I don't agree with, the other says I have ptsd and anxiety. He wants me on Lexapro but I am scared to take it. I have a phobia about psychiatric drugs for some reason. I have never mentioned Asperger's or autism to my doctors but reading some of the posts here, they seem to describe me to the letter!
As far as work, I have never in my life held a real steady stable job for an extended period of time. I am decent on interviews sometimes, so I get an offer, but then I get too scared to actually start the job and would just rather stay home in my comfort zone on my computer or where I feel safe.
Many jobs seem to require lots of personal contact and I have a lot of problems with this and with learning new things quickly. I am very good at certain things but if I feel pushed or forced I shut down.
I really want to be independent my parents are older and won't be around forever what should I do? My goal for now is to somehow find a job and get the courage to follow through and actually go if I get another offer. But I am so scared of being outside my comfort zone or being judged. What can I do? Thanks a lot for listening.