Aa
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

I & my 14-yr old daughter have mild Aspergers, but she's driving me nuts

My 14-year old daughter has Aspergers and she talks incessantly, interrupts conversations, stims at times, and generally wants to run everything. She often acts up in front of my wife to get a reaction from me as she seems to enjoy my wife berating me in front of her. My wife thinks I hate our daughter, but what she doesn't get is that I'm around her 24/7, 365 since I am not working outside the home and am the one who cares for our two children. I am just so tired of coping with our youngest. What can I do to help me cope with all of this because I feel ready to walk out once our oldest is off to college? It's like our youngest is running the show anymore.
Cancel
4 Answers
Page 1 of 1
Avatar universal
God Bless You  i wish some had pati with me gro up instead of lett literall anyone babysit me or hitting me w a belt. You have the patience of Job and will surely be rewarded for it.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
You and daughter could do counseling with a psych who specializes in ASD, I think it could help. Sorry for the earlier misspells, my phone is acting up.  
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I am sorry that you have waited so long for a good answer.  No offence to the other answers here, but they are not very helpful.  I don't know if I will be helpful but I'll try.  

I saw the same thing happen to my family.  It was a nightmare.  My older brother had Aspergers and my younger sister had PDD.  She was mentally handicapped and had a lot of problems.  One of her problems was that she enjoyed pushing every last button you had.  She could try the patience of a saint.  
She kept getting everyone in trouble in secret and my parents would punish all of us.  In particular, she targeted my brother.
My brother, having Aspergers, couldn't deal with this well. He get very sick of it and would have these meltdowns.  He would go off the rails and my sister just couldn't learn to stop.  They were both.... something wrong with them.  I can't explain it to you.  They weren't normal people.  It was like they couldn't control themselves.  It was torture.  It's the worst clash of personality.  I hate it.  Detest it.  And to this day I am still mad at my brother and my sister.
It got to the point that my brother started severely injuring her.  He would do this regularly and my sister feared for her own life.  She still couldn't STOP.  It was like she was just mentally ill. She kept pushing him over the edge over and over.  It didn't make sense.  It was utter insanity.  And my brother never fear himself enough.  He still kept acting like a mad man. He still kept being violent.  He still made us live in fear of the day he would kill my sister.  we always tried to keep them separated.  It didn't always work.
Our biggest fear was that one day my brother would kill my sister in a fit of rage.  My father once said with teary eyes "I'm afraid one day I'll come home and (Brother) will be crying in the corner and (sister) will be dead on the floor.  
But we never got outside help.  It was too horrible to imagine the family being split up.  My parents loved us all and didn't want us to be taken away.  It is the worst torture imaginable.  
This was why we never sought family counselling.  In hindsight, it harmed everyone a lot.  My sister continues to be insufferable and my brother still doesn't know how to cope with his rage.  

In hindsight we saw what needed to be done.  

Family counselling.  we NEEDED it.  we absolutely needed it.  we never got it out of fear of the government tearing us apart.  

My sister-
-She is properly diagnosed after having been misdiagnosed.  Make sure you have a proper diagnosis.

-She is medicated. Before medication she was insufferable.  On her meds she is 10x's better.  Look into possible treatment for these problems.  

-She acted bad in secret.  She didn't understand that there are consequences to actions.  That it would eventually bleed out in to her every day life and not just her home life.  Later on, we recorded her behavior on camera because we were tired of her abuse.  The recordings went to therapists and counselors, and she knew she couldn't hide anymore.  She got outside help.  The secret was out that she wasn't an angel  

My brother-
-He gave up trying to be responsible for his own actions.  He stopped trying.  Never stop trying.  It will make you a bad person.  My brother is a bad bad person in a lot of ways.  

-He never learned how to cope with frustration.  He only did so in the least healthy ways.  If the whole family had counselling it would have helped.  

-He had to stop taking medication.  It was making him weird.  Be mindful of how medication can affect people.  Things were a little better after that.  

-My brother refuses help in every little thing in his life.  It was a big mistake not seeking psychological help or any kind of help.  

I don't know if the things that worked for us can even possibly apply to you.  All people are different.  But it is important to have your wife take your side on this and not her daughter's.  Your daughter has some serious problems and she needs consequences.  It will be bad for her future, just like it was with my sister.  She needs to know that her parents are in charge and that she cannot treat people like this.
And if you leave (like my brother did) if she's anything like my sister, she'll just pick a new victim and regret every moment she ever pushed her father away and broke apart the family. Everyone in my family is  mad at my sister and brother for tearing apart our family.  But they are mostly mad at my sister because she provoked it all.  It's really sad for them too because it's a big family and they are the pariahs.  They are the source of the break in my family and they know it and live with it forever.    

Lastly, you and your wife need to be together in this very strongly.  If you put the children over each other, it'll break you apart.  And ultimately that hurts the children more.  This is spoken from the child's point of view... from someone who sat on the outside as I helplessly lost my whole world and my family.  It is crippled and shattered.  You and your wife should be working together to help fix this serious problem.  
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I am sorry that you have waited so long for a good answer.  No offence to the other answers here, but they are not very helpful.  I don't know if I will be helpful but I'll try.  

I saw the same thing happen to my family.  It was a nightmare.  My older brother had Aspergers and my younger sister had PDD.  She was mentally handicapped and had a lot of problems.  One of her problems was that she enjoyed pushing every last button you had.  She could try the patience of a saint.  
She kept getting everyone in trouble in secret and my parents would punish all of us.  In particular, she targeted my brother.
My brother, having Aspergers, couldn't deal with this well. He get very sick of it and would have these meltdowns.  He would go off the rails and my sister just couldn't learn to stop.  They were both.... something wrong with them.  I can't explain it to you.  They weren't normal people.  It was like they couldn't control themselves.  It was torture.  It's the worst clash of personality.  I hate it.  Detest it.  And to this day I am still mad at my brother and my sister.
It got to the point that my brother started severely injuring her.  He would do this regularly and my sister feared for her own life.  She still couldn't STOP.  It was like she was just mentally ill. She kept pushing him over the edge over and over.  It didn't make sense.  It was utter insanity.  And my brother never fear himself enough.  He still kept acting like a mad man. He still kept being violent.  He still made us live in fear of the day he would kill my sister.  we always tried to keep them separated.  It didn't always work.
Our biggest fear was that one day my brother would kill my sister in a fit of rage.  My father once said with teary eyes "I'm afraid one day I'll come home and (Brother) will be crying in the corner and (sister) will be dead on the floor.  
But we never got outside help.  It was too horrible to imagine the family being split up.  My parents loved us all and didn't want us to be taken away.  It is the worst torture imaginable.  
This was why we never sought family counselling.  In hindsight, it harmed everyone a lot.  My sister continues to be insufferable and my brother still doesn't know how to cope with his rage.  

In hindsight we saw what needed to be done.  

Family counselling.  we NEEDED it.  we absolutely needed it.  we never got it out of fear of the government tearing us apart.  

My sister-
-She is properly diagnosed after having been misdiagnosed.  Make sure you have a proper diagnosis.

-She is medicated. Before medication she was insufferable.  On her meds she is 10x's better.  Look into possible treatment for these problems.  

-She acted bad in secret.  She didn't understand that there are consequences to actions.  That it would eventually bleed out in to her every day life and not just her home life.  Later on, we recorded her behavior on camera because we were tired of her abuse.  The recordings went to therapists and counselors, and she knew she couldn't hide anymore.  She got outside help.  The secret was out that she wasn't an angel  

My brother-
-He gave up trying to be responsible for his own actions.  He stopped trying.  Never stop trying.  It will make you a bad person.  My brother is a bad bad person in a lot of ways.  

-He never learned how to cope with frustration.  He only did so in the least healthy ways.  If the whole family had counselling it would have helped.  

-He had to stop taking medication.  It was making him weird.  Be mindful of how medication can affect people.  Things were a little better after that.  

-My brother refuses help in every little thing in his life.  It was a big mistake not seeking psychological help or any kind of help.  

I don't know if the things that worked for us can even possibly apply to you.  All people are different.  But it is important to have your wife take your side on this and not her daughter's.  Your daughter has some serious problems and she needs consequences.  It will be bad for her future, just like it was with my sister.  She needs to know that her parents are in charge and that she cannot treat people like this.
And if you leave (like my brother did) if she's anything like my sister, she'll just pick a new victim and regret every moment she ever pushed her father away and broke apart the family. Everyone in my family is  mad at my sister and brother for tearing apart our family.  But they are mostly mad at my sister because she provoked it all.  It's really sad for them too because it's a big family and they are the pariahs.  They are the source of the break in my family and they know it and live with it forever.    

Lastly, you and your wife need to be together in this very strongly.  If you put the children over each other, it'll break you apart.  And ultimately that hurts the children more.  This is spoken from the child's point of view... from someone who sat on the outside as I helplessly lost my whole world and my family.  It is crippled and shattered.  You and your wife should be working together to help fix this serious problem.  
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Your Answer
Avatar universal
Answer
Do you know how to answer? Tap here to leave your answer...
Answer
Answer
Post Answer
A
A
Looking for a Doctor?
Shop for health care like an expert. Find the best doctors based on reviews from patients like you.
Asperger's Syndrome Community Resources