Ok a little more positive post would have been better, though i do wish there were somewhere i could go just once and tell them what's going on and get an on the spot suggestion! Just one, I bought a coloured reading ruler, oh joy!
I really do sympathise. That is what parents are going through continually and it is exhausting. You are trying to do it on your own, and although you may feel like you are failing you are actually on the right track.
Firstly do you have a social worker or equivalent assigned to you? Do you have a diagnosis of anything or are these things you think are relevant to you?
I presume you are not in any form of higher education?
It might be best to approach/get advice from an autistic support group. If you are in the UK you could contact the National Autistic Society. Even if you are not in the UK you may be able to access their website and get some advice from them.
I would suggest making a list of your difficulties in order of priority/which has the most effect on your functioning levels. Then you need to see your GP, or one recommended through an autism support group.
It does seem that support only comes with a diagnosis. I don't know how you would feel about getting a diagnosis and a label and any implications that may have. But you may need the diagnosis to get the help to address some of the symptoms. It may be that you started with Aspergers, but because this was never addressed your anxiety levels have remained very high and therefore you have adopted rigid routines/OCD behaviour/eating disorders in an effort to keep control and cope. This has had an impact on your performance and self esteem and now, some years later, you are depressed because you feel you are under performing and have no idea of how or where to get support from.
Please post again, and let us know what you are doing and how you are getting on.
And yes, a one stop drop in centre would be lovely.
I wrote back, but it was an essay. Will put it into my thought diary. My solace.
I began by praising you. I will call the number, but what do i say, i have nothing to offer them and i'm not sure i can survive being mocked, made vunlerable by the people i have waited so long to discover. I think it would end me. Looks fade, maybe when they do i'll reflect the nothing entity inside. Until then i will play my piano furiously, study with vengence at the library, (mitochondrial oxidative damage in MD patients at present. I knew there was a correlation between my high anti-oxidant diet and period of mood stability.) I will draw, i will keep helping out ehre and there for tip bits of cash and go to a private doctor. I make believe. I must medicate the mood swings. They scare me. Loss of control, alien. Humanity. Everything human scares me.
NHS gave me conflicting views as does mother. 'go to GP,' so i tell them i'm exhausted and am ready to go to sleep, peace. Mother asserts 'Why are you doing this to me, if this keeps on i'll take a load of vallium, Your so supirior.' So i 'backtrack.' Go to first ever meeting with psychologist he wrote a load of labels on a white board, aspergers or hfa, ocd bulimia anorexia bi polar, all feeding one another and concluded 'i think it's just you.' (In those words.) Then when i go back, (mum wanted me sorted out again!) Tests me with some poorly worded asperger question sheet (42/50) "The answer to the multipple choice of me!" I don't want to fight fo the help i need, i know i am not important enough. But i got there, i got to university. Only thinking i could recocile with my father and learn about me. I didn't want to go, i cried, i told her i couldn't write like that agian, the task is mammoth. Put me in arroom alone with books I know i can get back to that place of clarity, quell the moods.
I wish my oldest friend were still here to get me out of bed when the covers want to absorb me 'get up! Watch the road! Mind the step! Yes tyou are coming to dance.' Even though she knows i'll fall asleep or sit alone, irritated with a frown on my face!' It's incredible realising your dependant on others at times, but dont want to be near another human being, or interact with them. Just have one there silent to inform! It's incredable i had to loose everything, my pride, the oh so valued friends, family, everything to realise the moods to go to a doctor to get permission to look things up to help myself, ididn't want to face me. the nothing entity.
"Humantiy, thou pleasing dreadful thouight, thus i live in the world rather a spectator of mankind, than as one of the species."
I prmise you if i get well, i will play at society and study until i can be the one doctor that creates extra hours in the day to help those children. Look on the playground at breaktime, their the ones tottering around alone, swoping their skipping ropes for empty breath freshners! Pencil case for tictacs. Bossing or organising, being told to learn to be a friend to the detrement of their education. Ok this is now quoting the essay response, i'm off to bed to meditate on spelling!
ok i shgould have just posted the eloquent response!
I have begun compiling family history,personal symptoms, background, every detail, thoughts poetry anthologies all into one place. It is a start.