Adult son with personality issues

[TerryMc]

Hello, I have been concerned for my 21 year old son for some time.  I guess I have just chalked up much of his issues as transitional or typical "shyness".  He was diagnosed a couple of years back with an adjustment disorder because we had to move a couple of times and he lost friends.  But I just don't think that is it.  Or it is more than that.  He has no real friends, only internet friends, he does not do well in social settings.  He has no ambition and he even seems confused about what "ambition" really is.  He does not know how to get started re.  He is not really withdrawn, but has great difficulty in understanding what he needs to do and will often go days without good hygiene. A few years ago he would never answer a question when directed at him, and would often get up and just leave the room.  It took him a long time to understand that was not polite.  He still has great difficulty with people and will seldom engage with anyone, although at times, when it is a topic that he is interested in, he will talk at length.  His father had a history of mental illness as did his mother and cousins.  I just don't know what to do to help him.  Does this sound like anything anyone has dealt with? I thought it might be Asperger's, but that was "ruled out" by one Psychiatrist.  It almost sounds like Schizoid Personality Disorder...and that really scares me.  I know his father's cousin had paranoid delusions...I would love to hear from anyone.

[RachHunter]

It seems your son is similar to me in some ways.  I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when I was 11 and I'm also 21.  I only have 2 friends myself, not including internet friends.  And I've always had problems with projects, school/work related issues and working to achieve goals, etc.  I also have often wanted to wander off by myself when I don't feel like being around other people, even family  (so I spend most of my time in my bedroom).  And not being talkative is something I would have a problem with too.  Half the time, I make no attempt to hold a conversation with anyone, unless it's about something I'm interested in.  As for the paranoid delusions you mentioned, if it's something like hearing voices, that would be another issue that I could relate to.  But in all honesty, I wouldn't pin all your judgement on the opinion of one psychologist.  I've had one or two psychologists talk to me and they never understood me at all.  I would try and get a second opinion if I were you, maybe from a doctor who knows much more about Asperger's Syndrome, just to be sure.  If it turns out that your son does have Asperger's Syndrome, it's really nothing to worry about.  Although I myself never had any qualifications in school, I do some things that are good.  I've been able to read well since the age of 3 and write good poems and stories since I was 8.  My dream was to be an author, like Roald Dahl and JK Rowling, who are only some of my role-models.  It took a long time, but even without help or qualifications, I've had my very first children's book published and put online for sale in February 2010, which means I've achieved my dream.  Hopefully this will inspire others with Asperger's Syndrome to achieve their dreams and show them that it really is possible.  Anyway, good luck with you and your son and I hope you find all the answers you're looking for.  =o)

[hdebbie7]

This sounds so much like my so who is 19. Myself and his Dad are at our wits end, we just dont know what to do for him. He sits in his room all the time. He has NO friends at all, he does spend most of his time on the internet. He gets very obsessed at certain things at the age of 5 it was wwf wrestling, the cricket now golf. Golf has been his passion for so long he could tell you anything about it. He left school at 14 could not cope in the social enviroment so was home tutored, he did not take any exams. He rarely comes down stairs now, wont talk to anyone unless its about golf. He is so shy he has never had a girlfriend, never been to the pub, he has quirky ways. I have tried talking till im blue in the face because it upsets me so much to see my son just wasting hes life away. He has never had a job, he says he has no idea what he wants to do, so because of that he seems to think he doesnt have too. We are lost to know what to do for the best. His cousin has aspergers and has similar traits as my son, this is what has drawn me to think my son possible has it too. He will not go to talk to anyone so where do we go from here.

[Jason C Bourret, Ph.D., BCBA-D]

I recommend continued assessment in this case. Elements of what you describe fit the criteria for Asperger’s disorder and there are frequently cases in which psychiatrists will disagree on the appropriateness of the diagnosis. If there is a family history of other mental illness then that should be a concern here as well. Find a professional that works well with you and your son and who will be able to evaluate his need for support and help. It sounds like the current situation isn’t ideal, so, even if a diagnosis isn’t made, I absolutely recommend finding behavioral and mental health professionals to work with him. The issues of his shyness, lack of motivation, lack of social contact, and lack of ambition are all things that can be addressed regardless of diagnosis.