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Unable to diagnose, but my family is falling apart!

My son who is 4 years old has severe anger issues. I left his father when he just turned 2.  I met another man(who is now my husband) He is the best dad to him! He plays ball with him, teaches him, hugs him all the time, its the best father son type relationship you could ever want. But those moments seem to be far and few between now. For just over a year my son started having 4-6 meltdowns a day, sometimes over something so small as me saying no to gummy bears. He would then go break anything in his path, laptops, phones, windows, walls, have been broken by him throwing them or throwing things at them. My husband has gotten stricter now trying to get my sons behaviors back in check but no matter how much we dicipline the problems just get worse, my husband and I disagree with how the dicipline goes on, we argue pretty much daily about how to go about getting my son back to this happy little boy. Nothing holds his attention, he jumps from one thing to the next, he is far behind in his speech, he talks very loud, he has seen many specialist and some say he is showing signs of add/adhd and some say Autism spectrum, but no one will give him a proper diagnosis so we can get him into the help he needs. He has tried speech therapy but he doesnt sit still long enouph for them to help him, we are at our wits end, were being told several times a day to shut our mouths by my 4 year old, he yells at us to go to our rooms, he demands juice or water, he has turned into a very mean child and its breaking my heart. I feel he is angry at me for having my husband in my life, they dont connect anymore, I have seriously considered a divorce because of this. ( we do have a 5 month old girl together) my son adores her. I just dont know what to do now. Help.
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340676 tn?1383321884
This escalation in behavior problems as the child ages is quite common in children diagnosed with autism.  Families often reach a point where they are unable to handle the situations by themselves.  I don't see any reason to suspect that this is a reaction to your family situation on the part of your son.  You need to seek out professional behavioral help for your son.  Continue to pursue diagnosis and seek out a board-certified behavior analyst in your area.  These behavior problems are absolutely treatable but find a professional who has the appropriate expertise to help with your situation.
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