whats next?

[tellmewhenitsover]

My son is 10 and has been diagnosed with Asburgers,ADHD, and poor impulse control,dyslexia, and severe learning disabilities. He does walk, talk, and dress himself but doesnt do it to the ability of most 10 year olds. He is in fifth grade and works on a first grade level. Since school has started he is masturbating a lot. He does do this privately but it is very frequent. He has already been in trouble for talking back, bad attitude, and shoving another child. I realize that this is due to high anxiety and frustration. For some reason the school decided to place him in a regular science class and that is the class he is getting in trouble in. I feel like I have a two year old again because I am constantly watching or getting on to him. He has a horrible attitude and is negative about everything. He talks back to everyone and says horrible things (like he hates me and wishes he could just leave or will call me names). I have gone most of his life with no resources and he has never qualified for any services due to my income. I am looking for advice/help. He does see a psychiatrist but I never know whats normal and what needs to be dealt with. I feel like I shouldnt complain because I have seen other Autistic children and know he could be worse. Is it common to have Autistic children on antidepressants or mood stabilizers?  Is the masterbation normal?  What do these kids do about school (keep going and be frustrated/miserable)? Do any of your children have bad/negative attitudes all the time?

[Sally44]

Although alot of children with Aspergers tend to acquire speech, they do tend to have problems with social interactions and don't automatically know what behaviour is appropriate and how to behave to different people in different situations.  In the UK it would be the Speech and Language Therapist who would look at this and put together a programme.  For example some children may not know how to end a conversation and therefore may say what they want to say, and then walk away leaving the other person confused and angry at their rude behaviour.  
So, first, I would say don't assume he is being rude to you or anyone.  Assume he doesn't know how to behave appropriately.  
Or he may have learnt his social behaviour from things he has seen on TV or films.  
My son is high functioning autistic and he certainly takes alot of his social cues and language from TV and films.  
What kind of school does your son attend.  If it is one that has experience and expertise in autism then they should have some sort of Social Skills group where they work on these skills.
The school learning environment is very important to those on the spectrum because they tend to have alot of sensory problems and so noises, smells, visual things can be a distraction and all this incoming sensory information can overwhelm them.  
The school might have been trying to introduce him to the Science lesson because it is an area that he does well in.  But it maybe that something about that class, or the level of support your son receives that is causing him problems which he will undoubtedly bring home.
If he is self aware, as my son is, then he may be becoming very negative because he can see that he is not at the same level as his peers.  He can see that he is continually failing and is not able to do what the other children can.  This is largely down to the school.  Either the school is not particularly good at meeting the needs of those on the spectrum, or they are not supporting him sufficiently or giving him achieveable targets.  Have you discussed his diagnosis with him?  Does he understand he has Aspergers and he isn't stupid or bad.  No-one likes to fail.  If we were in a job where we continually got things wrong and didn't understand what we should be doing or why and everyone seemed to think we were rude or stupid and that happened day after day, then we too would behave in a negative, rude, disruptive way.
My son is also dyslexic and has dyscalculia as well.  He is also very self aware and assessed as being above 75% on a cognitive ability scale as long as it doesn't involve verbal instructions.  It is hard to challenge academically them whilst also meeting their very specific needs.
I am a very firm believer that there is a 'reason' for any behaviour.  As he is verbal try asking him what he likes/dislikes about school.  Ask him if he is happy there.  Ask him if he has any friends, or would like to have friends etc etc.  But make sure you do this when he is calm and not when he is upset.  You might get some very open and honest answers.

[Jason C Bourret, Ph.D., BCBA-D]

This is obviously a complex and challenging situation and you asked a number of questions.  Masturbation is not entirely uncommon in children around your son’s age.  If it occurs in private and is not interfering in other aspects of your son’s life, I would not be overly concerned about it.  It also sounds like your son was placed in a science class that you do not believe is appropriate for him and that he seems to have problem behavior most often in this class.  I would recommend speaking with the school administration about this.  It is very important that your son be placed in educational environments that are appropriate for him, this is clearly a possible source for the problem behavior and attitude that he is having.  That being said, it is certainly possible to address his problem behavior and the way that he speaks to you directly.  I recommend seeking out a behavior therapist who has experience working with children similar to your son.  Typical sorts of programs that have been shown to be effective often involve some sort of contingency contracting in which you and your son identify some of his favorite activities, perhaps some special event that he might be able to do weekly (e.g., a movie), identify a goal for his behavior (e.g., no shoving at school for a week or no name calling for a certain period of time), and then a way to monitor his progress.  This is something that he should be involved in, ideally he would be able to earn something that he is excited about for following through.  As for the antidepressants and mood stabilizers, these medications are also not uncommonly prescribed for individuals diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders.  However, they carry side effects and should be taken seriously.  You should understand exactly why they are being prescribed, what the side effects are, and you should also be convinced that they are working the way that they are intended to.  You should be meeting with the psychiatrist regularly to discuss the medication and its effects.