Does my son have asperger syndrome

[helpmommy473]

My 10 year old son started Aderall in December of 2007.  His attention is better.  He does have some emotional break downs.  Yesterday we had parent teacher conferences and the teacher told us that my son is ANNOYING.  She said "he is extremely intellegent when it comes to animals, nature, and dinosaurs, but he bores and annoys the other kids because he goes over and above when talking about animals.  I am very hurt by the teacher calling him annoying.  He has SEVERE problems w/ friends at school.  Constantly telling him he is stupid and ignoring him on the playground.  He has only had 1 play date and 1 sleepover that he has been invited to.  He is not interested in sports like the other boys in his grade.  He enjoys baseball but not 'obsessed' w/ it like the rest of the boys.  The school is make us feel like he is not the norm and needs to change.  The teacher told him that everyone doesnt have to like him, he doesnt have to like them but he has to get along.  We dont know what to do.  His last year teacher mentally abused him and bullied him infront of his class calling him 'the lazy student' and telling him work was garbage and then telling the class that since Jake wasn't paying attention they are ALL getting extra homework.  So now, this year, the kids dont like him.  They call him lazy and a trouble maker.  We were told there is a disorder where these kids are intellegent in things that may not interest other kids and therefore do not fit in and have a extremely hard time fitting in.  My heart breaks for my son everyday.  I dont know what to do.  Please help

[Myrna Libby, Ph.D., BCBA]

First of all you need to go to the school administration and complain about the teacher's behaviors.  I assume your son has a disability diagnosis since he is on medication; if not you should make an appointment with a developmental pediatrician as soon as possible and have him evaluated and diagnosed.  You also need to inform yourself about disability law and the rights of students with disabilities.  Then I would be in touch with your school system's counseling services to see if they can provide your son with counseling on effective social skills.  If the school system does not have such services contact your pediatrician and see if he/she can connect you with behavioral health services that can work in group settings on social skills.  I would also contact local advocacy groups in your area informing them of the behavior of the school staff and see if you can't arrange some basic sensitivity training for the teachers and the school system.  Your son cannot advocate for himself but there are laws against discriminating against students with disabilities and if you find out the teachers are not being sensitive to his issues and helping him you need to intervene quickly and assertively.  

[Sally44]

Does your son have a diagnosis of Aspergers?  If not I would recommend you to look up the clinical diagnostic criteria under DSM IV.  You may find that your son fits enough of the profile to get a clinical diagnosis.  
Part of the charteristics of Aspergers is having a limited range of interests and having special interests in some subjects/topics/hobbies.  They show an incredible amount of knowledge in these subjects but tend to want to 'talk to' people about them regardless of whether the other person is listening or not.  This also shows a lack of understanding around social interaction/communication which is another trait of Aspergers.
Is he being called lazy because he cannot function in class, or produce homework on time, or cannot organise himself?  This can also fall under Aspergers and also Executive Function Disorder.  If there are sensory issues please post back.
How your son is being treated at school is disgusting and unacceptable.  Do not feel ground down by them pointing the finger at you and your son/family.  I would recommend you to send a message to MJthewriterdad as he is in the US and seems to know alot about how the system works there.  But it is absolutely disgraceful that a child with learning/social difficulties is being verbally/mentally bullied by a member of staff in front of his peers.  
Gather up all your strength, get some advice, get someone to be with you in any meetings as a witness and advocate.  Put your grievances in writing and get your son evaluated by a multi-disciplinary team through Health if that has not already been done.  

[Ummi29]

My heart goes out for you, I know only too well what you and your family must have gone through! As the mother of an 11 year old who has similar problems I realize the issues here.My advice would be to change the school, give him a fresh start. We've changed schools and this has helped to remove the'label', he still has those tiffs with other children and feels that no one reaiil likes him. What really breakes my heart is that I have an extremely gifted 8 year old daughter who always gets extra attention and adulation from adults and children alike. As a parent I feel TORN.
Hopefully, by the time they become adults, there will be more awareness about this ailment.

[helpmommy473]

Thank you so much.  What my son went through last year was absolutely horrible.  The kids still call him name the teacher called him during class.  We went to the principle and the superintendent and they got so sick of me complaining that finally the principle told me i was being over sensitive and there really wasnt anything she could do.  Always defeneded the teacher and insinuated my son was lying even thought other parents would question me about what their kids would tell them the teacher said to Jake.  This teacher has tenure so nothing could be done.  Now he has this little 'title' that goes with him that carried over to this year.  I want to put him in another school and give him a fresh start but I dont know if that is the best solution or not.