In desperate need of help for 8yo old son

[graysanatomy]

My son is now 8, I have been working on getting him help since he was 3. I was hurt at work and stayed home with him and noticed odd behaviors that were not the norm for his age. At four he was accepted into a special-ed pre-k program for learning and motor skill deficits. At age five he was tested and I was told that he was ADHD. I have researched mental disabilities and disorders on my own for several years and did not think that ADHD coverd or defined all of the symptoms and behaviors I was seeing. Bipolar runs in my family, I thought that he might possiblly have some mood disorder issues, not certain if it was bipolar. Aspergers made alot more sense to me and described everything I was seeing, the rocking, the banging his back aginst things, the rocking from one foot to another when standing, the inability to stand still, easily agitated and easy to cry. Inappropriate responses to certain things such as laughing at someone who was hurt, smiling when I was being serious etc. As he grew older his agitation turned more into total frustration and agression. He hurts animals and says things like I want to die or I hate myself when he is being disaplined for something, this has been going on for 1 and a half years. He was hospitalized in July of 2007, he was diagnosed with Aspergers and bipolar.

[MaryannesMom]

This is a very difficult situation.  There has to be a reward for him even in the smallest tasks.  I know it is hard for us NTs (neurotypicals) to understand, but you must stress to your husband that discipline that works on NTs DOES NOT work on Aspie's.  You could beat your child to a pulp and it will not change him.  He has to be motivated to do the things you request.  Many NTs get an internal reward for doing the right thing, picking up after themselves, etc.  Aspie's DO NOT.  They could care less.  There has to be something in it for them to do practically anything.  So figure out what is his favorite thing and find rewards to do with that.  I have an Aspie 10 year old daugther.  Just this year she is finally making her bed, getting dressed, etc. without yelling & needing a reward.  It takes years of conditioning.  Our public school does not address this need in Aspies, so every time she melted down she was locked into a 10' x 10' cell.  She would run outside in the winter with no shoes/coat on.  There would be 4 teachers outside chasing her.  How insane is that?!  We finally moved her to a specialized class within the public school system that is "safe" for her to be Aspie, but also rewards her tremendously for good behavior.  After 2 weeks she completely turned around to having perfect days, with no meltdowns!  They give reward chips throughout the day for every positive behavior they show (being nice to the person next to them, talking appropriately, etc.)  They can then use those chips to purchase things.  The teacher actually buys things that the kids are interested in--she has a Webkinz cat for my daugther that is her big reward.  They have 4 levels that the kids are on, due to their behavior, with each level giving them more independence and rewards.  You have to stay at level 3 for 25 days in a row before earning level 4.  To stay on level 3 your behavior has to be 80% or better each day.  It is a very sophisticated system, but the Aspie brain really gets into it and can identify with it.  At the old school she would be in trouble all the time & not even know why!  Here, they make her write out 2 goals for the day, and she is an active part in her behavior.  This is the kind of "school" these kids need!  Good luck to you.  It is a very hard road.  

[Rachel Thompson, Ph.D., BCBA]

It is important for you to know that, with the right support, children experiencing the difficulties that you described can learn to be cooperative, independent, and socially appropriate. Unfortunately, it is difficult to find the right services and service providers to give children the support they need. A Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) would be the most appropriate professional to provide recommendations regarding your son’s self-injurious behavior and compliance issues. Please visit the website of the Behavior Analysis Certification Board (http://www.bacb.com/) where you will find a directory of service providers. There is a large and growing body of research that prescribes assessment procedures for understanding self-injurious behavior and corresponding interventions based on the assessment outcomes. A BCBA would be knowledgeable of this approach and should be able to implement appropriate assessments and make recommendations for treatment. Generally, effective interventions for compliance involve two components:  rewarding compliance and following through when you ask your child to do something. A BCBA would be able to help you to identify some effective rewards and to recommend a strategy for following through with requests that is practical given your circumstances. No matter how severe the behavior problem, it is very likely that an appropriate behavior management strategy will be effective. Therefore, I suggest that you seek this support as soon as possible. Whipping your child is not the solution to any of his behavioral difficulties.

Given your son’s diagnosis of bipolar disorder, I assume that you are in touch with a psychiatrist. I recommend that you keep your son’s psychiatrist informed regarding his comments about killing himself and his attempts to hurt animals.

[graysanatomy]

We have been seeing a behavioral psycologist for a year now who diagnosed him with AS before he was hospitalized. He is failing at school this year in the third grade. I started the procces of requesting testing for special ed services again as he was released after he completed the pre-k level. They tested him for dyslexia as per my request and found that he was. I was concerd as he turns letters and numbers around and words verbally as well as written. At home he refuses to do what he is asked without a fight and total meltdown. He tells me no all of the time, I don't want to. I get looks that could kill, and he hits himself. All of this is over small tasks like picking up toys or doing homework even if I help him. My husband thinks I should whip him for everything, I think I should chose my battels. The point is, it is causing problems all around in our home. How do we deal with his refusals to do task, fit throwing and meltdowns in a way that we can avoid those things and yet get him to do what we want and exhibit the behaviors we desire?