I agree with you that your son has a much greater problem than anxiety. It sounds like he may also have ADHD. It is very common for it to be a co-diagnosis with autism spectrum disorders. What kind of Dr's has your son seen? I would reccomend a child psychologist or even a pediatric neurologist. We found the latter who actually specializes in autism. Good Luck!
He's seen both. Two child psychologist at age 2 1/2 witch said pdd-nos. The one now says no he has no signs of it according to there test but according to my answers yes he does. He was having a very good day the day of the testing which doesn't happen very often. He has seen a neurologis numerus times to check for seizures and brain damage. there was no signs of either. He has slowing according to his eeg though.
I think I would take him to another Dr, for a 2nd opinion.
Have a look at the DSM IV criteria for PDD NOS and Autism (or autistic spectrum disorder).
The criteria says problems with speech and communication (which your son has).
Problems with needing a rigid routines or being inflexible (which your son has).
The need for things to remain the same usually indicates poor imagination and flexibility of thought.
Sensory issues (typical of ASD, but not in the criteria).
So I would write examples next to each of the criteria that your son fits, and ask them where and how he does not fit (if that is what they are saying).
Is he seeing a speech therapist now?? If so ask for one that is experienced in working with children on the autistic spectrum. They should be able to tell you from his speech difficulties and social communication difficulties whether you are looking at being on the spectrum or not.
Anxiety is part of being on the spectrum, but your son is having more than just anxiety.
Most professionals like to see a child at least twice and in at least two different environments before they come to a conclusion.
You can also video him and take that in for them to see. I did that in an attempt to demonstrate that my son was not autistic. Now, looking back, I can see that actually it demonstrated that he is autistic.
FIGHT to get the answers you want and he needs.. The first time my son was evaluated they said No everything is fine. A year later is when he was placed on the Autism spectrum and diagnosed with PDD NOS. It may not be something you want to hear cuz lets be honest who wants to hear there might be something wrong with their child? But is it is something the quicker he starts treatment the better off long term he will be.. Trust me it has done wonders for my son!
I agree with the above posts and whole-heartedly with Steph0115 when she says to "Fight" to get the answers (caps included..lol) you want and he needs. Mine situation was the opposite with the ADHD coming before the PDD-NOS at 6. The hyperactivity was apparent from babyhood on when she was trying to get out of the car seat and stroller all the time.
It was an uphill battle the whole way through school with my husband and I having to be advocates, follow-up on everything, go through training and conferences ourselves and request the teachers get training, etc. Letters were written when there were roadblocks to get into classes and even ended up in the newspaper.....but it was worth it in the end and as any parent of a child on the Autism Spectrum knows...it never truly ends as adulthood has its own issues.
So...the sooner the help, the better the outcome. I cannot stress that enough and when it was first told to me many years ago, I took it seriously.
I wish you the best in helping your child to be the best he can be and strength for you as you deal with various professionals and becoming informed to know what to do. It can seem like a maze at first and be overwhelming, but there are more parents now than before who are going through similar challenges or who have gone through them.