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Do I have Autism/Asperger's?

I am a 34 year old man and I exhibit most, if not all, of the symptoms of Aspergers. I don't like change in my routine, I have the habit of taking things literally all the time, I am always often the last one to get a joke, I tend to blurt out what's on my mind without thinking whether or not it hurts someone's feelings, I am obsessive compulsive and like things in a certain order or else I can't concentrate on anything else, I have to have all my windows covered as I can't sleep if there is any kind of light in my bedroom, I tend to talk in a monotonous voice, I have never been a big smiler, and I have never been good at making and keeping friends. I also was told to take an online test and I scored high on an Aspie quiz(44/50). I only want honest answers here.

I forgot to add that I also get very anxious in new situations and I don't like meeting new people. I try to maintain eye contact but it's really hard. I also never know what to say when it's my turn to speak. I was also bullied in school. I feel like I'm stupid a majority of the time. I also can't handle too much information at one time.

I have meltdowns and flip out all the time. I also experience sensory overload. And, when I get nervous/anxious, I do weird things with my hands/fingers. I also have trouble with job interviews. And, even though I am a 34 year old man, I feel like I'm a little boy. I have an older sister who has been after me for over a year to get tested for asperger's. She thinks I have it.

When I was a kid I was bullied by an older neighborhood kid. I was always having meltdowns. I had, and still continue to have, trouble reading social cues. I had trouble in school because I would get confused by the teacher's fast paced instructions. I barely graduated from HS. I got a college scholarship in music performance but I lost it during my first year of college because my GPA dropped. It took me 8 years in college just to get my BSc degree. I had to make special arrangements with my professors to meet with me before class to tutor me because i just wasn't understanding anything in class and I felt like I was just so stupid. I still do. I just get so overwhelmed very easily. And, even with my degree, I still have trouble getting a job because I end up failing the interviews.

When I, do, have major meltdowns now, as an adult, I hit, and kick walls, furniture and doors(in addition to flapping and wringing my hands). It usually takes just over an hour to calm down. I even once dislocated my thumb after hitting a door with my hand. I also cannot handle critisism of any kind. I get very upset. I never know what to say when talking to someone. I never feel like I belong. Some days, when it go outside, the sunlight outside is just so bright that I can't even open my eyes. It hurts. Also certain loud sounds and noises cause me to shut down completely.

As a kid, I was always a loner/introverted. I could never tell when someone was bored or uninterested when I would talk to them. I have trouble with eye contact. I don't like being touched. If someone touches me without warning, I flinch. I don't hug. As a child, I was obsessed with telephones and vacuum cleaners(I still am). Growing up, I never knew what was socially acceptable(still don't). I would prefer to play alone and I would always talk to myself. In college, a female friend of mine came to my parents house one night and we stood outside and talked(well, she talked), and she started talking about her sick grandfather and she started to cry. I had no idea what to do. So I just sat there about three feet from her. In the past ten years, I experienced the death of my grandfather, two uncles and and aunt and I never cried. At my grandfather's funeral I sat by myself.
1 Responses
973741 tn?1342346373
Hi there and welcome.  Well, I'm not sure.  The online test seems to think so.  The thing is, some of what you mentioned to varying degrees is not unusual in people.  We are all different and all have quirks.  I'm a bit introverted and certain situations make me cringe.  I can clam up with a racing heart when in a new situation.  It's just anxiety and I've learned to control it as I've aged.  I can have my mini meltdowns at things like a computer problem, etc.  (much more likely to blow at an inanimate object than a live one, thank goodness).  We ALL have sensory things that bug us to varying degrees.

So, I'm not sure if you have a true diagnosis or not.  I think one thing to consider is how much the things you list affect your life or are they just facts about you.  I have a son with sensory integration disorder and the experts that we've seen says that everyone has quirks and things that 'bug' them but most don't have great interference in their life because of it.  My son's issues carry over to a disorder because they were disruptive to his being able to do things.  

And my other question is this---  your sister is asking you to get diagnosed or 'on you' to do so.  I'm just wondering since you are in your thirties why that is necessary.  I would think a better plan would be to see a professional, a clinical psychologist that can help you with the things that bother you.  They may be able to give you a diagnosis as well but a diagnosis that doesn't have a lot of work to follow up is kind of just words.  My son was diagnosed but it came with much therapy that helped him overcome the challenges that bothered him . . .  and we've been really successful with that.  So, get diagnosed if you plan to seek therapy to overcome these issues but the most important part is what you plan to do to help yourself.  

There are ways to manage different things.  Sensory, for example, is managed by physical activity.  Something like going for a swim or lifting weights for an adult would be 'therapy' for the nervous system to regulate it.  My son's sensory issues all but disappear when he has had this 'heavy work' on a regular basis.  He practiced conversation skills, social skills, appropriate body language, etc. with an occupational therapist and me at home.  Your sister, if she is willing, could do that with you.  He worked on his friendship skills and how to be a good friend to help with that, etc.  So you list things you need to work on . . .   what can you do to work on it?

good luck
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