Hi! I understand your worries. It's very hard to imagine what our special needs kids will face. My daughter has Aspergers and was only in special ed until 1st grade. After that she was mainstreamed with a 1:1 aide and she just started 8th grade without any aide. There were times when I thought about requesting she be put in special ed. classes but my husband encouraged me to be patient and see what she could accomplish. I'm very glad I did. She has made honors several times.
I have the same concerns. My three year old has pdd-nos and attends an amazing school for autistic needs. My son has improved since he started his school a year and a 1/2 ago. Although he is high functioning, he will always have anxiety issues. He currently has other children in his classroom who scream or cry all day long. I worry that this only adds to his anxiety and wonder if he would do better in a regular class. But I also worry if he would be overlooked in a regular class because he is quiet, smart, and does what he should be doing.
I also like the idea of him going to a regular school as soon as possible to work on his anxiety issues and learn how to adapt socially in the regular world. I have no idea what other problems could arise in a regular classroom. When they come, we will work with them. I like the idea of getting an aide for a regular classroom if I can qualify with my school district. As far as therapy goes, I am always working with him. I will also do everything I can to continue the needed services on the side and in the classroom such as speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc... I know that my public school offers free services during school hours and I am going to an IEP training for parents to prepare my sons papers that details what my sons needs in the classroom.
Every child has individual needs. Every mother has that feeling in her heart what is right and not right but the school will not place a child by the mothers "feelings". Try the school they suggest, record everything about your son in these settings. If you do not like it, take your recordings of events and show them why. Now you have something to work with.