Suicide and aspergers

[Doodlemomma]

I have an 8 year old son who has been having some issues for a few years now. He gets very angry over very simple things, not having something done a certain way or the 'right' way. We have not been formally diagnosed with anything as of yet, but his pediatrician set up an hour long appointment with us to go over his testing results. We already know what he is going to say.
My biggest concern with the while thing is. Anytime he gets upset he says he is going to kill himself or he wishes he was dead. He screams it like a wild animal while running around flailing his entire body everywhere! It is like he can't break away from the intense feeling of wanting to die? He has done this a few times now, and we haven't had him ever attempt anything - and then today... He had a meltdown while we were out on a walk and he didn't get something he wanted. He started his meltdown and I tried my best to keep him calm and talk him through it. He wanted no part of this and decided the best thing to do was kill himself. He began screaming and tried running into traffic while a car was coming. The more I tried to get him to calm down or to come to me, the more he tried. When I got him to a place that traffic wasn't an issue he tried to jump into a river.
I am completely lost as to what to do. I wanted to take him immediately to the hospital and have him evaluated psychiatrically. My husband didn't think that would help since he may have aspergers. Any and all advice would be appreciated!

[specialmom]

Hello!  Patterns are hard to find sometimes but are almost always there.  They can be as subtle as a child that has to leave their comfort zone.  

The self harm is alarming.  Remember though, it may be an outcry for discomfort of something such as the terrible sensory feelings he has or if he does have autism rather than mental disorder such as depression, bipolar, etc.  My son said these things and would hit himself and the like to express he was feeling badly rather than having clinical depression.  However, I do not know what is going on with your son and if you fear he has depression or a psychiatric disorder---  you must keep him safe.  I will say that I was guided by a great pediatrician that said to always be careful though of finding a 'diagnosis' in the mental health arena that then defines the direction your child takes.  That is why I worked on the underlying problem with my child which was not a brain chemical imbalance but his sensory issues---  and the mental health got better with that if that makes sense.  

Do what is best for your child though and work with your doctor!  

OT's have friendship skils clinics!  Fantastic to do for your child.  And all of our ot sessions talked about how to be a friend and that was part of the focus.  How my son could cope and be with peers in a better way.  

When is your evaluation?

[Doodlemomma]

Thank you soo much! Dad and I have been keeping track of what events cause episodes, we haven't noticed any patterns yet but we are trying to see if there is any.
He has acted on his self harm. Twice now. We are scared this is only the beginning because his behavior seems to be getting progressively worse. 2 years ago we put him in councilling to see if it was an underlying mental health issue and have continued with it for coping skills. So he could learn to make friends and to deal with social situations at school. He doesn't want friends and my influence seems to upset him so I haven't been active lately.
I didn't know activity and exercise helped, but we are going to look into it and try it!
Thank you for everything! It was a lot of information but I am going to look into all of it!!

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Gosh, I am sincerely sorry to hear of the difficulty that you are having with your son.  I can relate.  I've been through some very rough times with my dear son as well.  My son was in preschool when our journey began.  He had meltdowns like you describe and over completely unreasonable things or things that didn't make sense to me.  He had 'fight or flight' responses of either running or lashing out.  He scared me with things he said and a few times I found a butter knife in his room!  *yes, just a butter knife but to a young child, it represented doing harm to himself.  It was very difficult.

My son was diagnosed at 4 with something called Sensory Integration Disorder.  If you have never heard of it, I urge you to read about it.  It is a developmental delay that involves the nervous system and miscommunication between brain and body and senses.  Sensory Integration can be on its own like with my son but is also highly prevalent with Aspergers Syndrome and Autism in general.  I think the percentage is around 85% for autistic kids to have an overlapping secondary diagnosis of sensory issues.  It's important to understand how sensory may play a role in what is going on with your son.

My boy, once officially diagnosed, began going to occupational therapy.  He did that one time per week and then WE (his family) provided all sorts of sensory things throughout the rest of his days of the week so he was always getting it.  It was work but paid off!!  We also used strategies that our occupational therapist provided that helped us deal with the difficult things like preventing tantrums, fight or flight, being overly picky, etc.  

Fast forward, I will tell you that my son is now 12 years old.  He does have sensory integration disorder but it is hard to notice.  He has straight A's, he plays multiple sports, is in the school band, performs improve with a team that went to a state competition this month, has a small but solid friendship circle, is a boy scout moving up the ranks within the organization by his own motivation and has recently become a patrol leader taking that role very seriously.  I share this with you because I was told when he was 4 years old that he would not be able to attend school without an aid.  His behavior and reactions were so over the top that we feared he'd never be able to acclimate.  With work, his capacity to be successful and overcome his challenges grew exponentially.  

So. I understand where you are coming from.  It's an anxious and fearful time.  And that layer of wondering about depression is very tough.  I dealt with it as well.  We did not go the psychiatric route.  That was on my own gut feeling.  However, if you feel your son will act on any impulse to self harm, you do need to follow up on that.  For my son, it was words and a way to express himself.  We worked on WHY he was feeling that way together to overcome it.  His self esteem has grown a good deal but bad feelings about himself played a significant role I his negative self talk and thoughts during those dark years.

The fight or flight was something that we worked to identify triggers.  This is something I encourage you to do.  Begin to track WHEN it happens.  What has happened right before or even earlier in the day and has been building.  Could you see him getting overwhelmed by anything?  Was he showing any signs of stress?  Log it and look for this as it is very key to overcoming.  We did this with our son and as I learned triggers, we learned to A. head them off BEFORE it got to the traumatic response point and to B. work with our son on how to COPE.  

Those two things resulted in our son knowing HOW he'd respond to things and what he could do to either change the trigger to something more acceptable to him OR how to cope with it if he couldn't.

You can never reason, help or work with a child when they've already hit the tantrum or fight or flight mode.  They are at a base level at the point just trying to survive.  You have to wait for that to pass and LATER discuss it and work on it.  Chewing something thick is calming--  I'd give my son a fat piece of bubble gum in a tantrum and he'd chomp chomp chomp.  He got to where he knew this helped him calm down.  We also had a 'cool down' spot designated wherever we were (so if you are going to a park, talk about it first thing when you get there where his safe, cool down spot is so he can go there when he is getting upset and get it together).  At home, it is often a place that is enclosed that kids like.  Under a table, in a pop up tent, we used a pile of pillows tucked in behind a chair in a corner.  No one talks to a child in the cool down spot and it is there spot to calm and try to self sooth.  Teach calming breaths.  Teach how to do chair push ups, wall push ups, etc. as these things are known self soothing techniques.  

And overall, when sensory is involved-----  it is important to keep the nervous system well regulated. This is done through what is called 'heavy work'.  Muscle work, exercise is basically the gist of it.  My son would do animal walks before school especially the bear walk, crab walk, leap frog.  My son swims (he's now a competitive swimmer but swimming is the perfect combination of deep pressure and muscle work that the nervous system craves), does monkey bars, jumps on a trampoline, etc.  Have plenty of these types of activities for him

Also, how is your son's social life?  I ask because this really bothered my son as he struggled to form solid bonds with peers.  

Anyway, I threw a lot at you.  I hope your doctor's appointment goes well.  I'm happy to help if I can.