Aa
planning baby
My step daughter has mild mental retardation with Autistic tendencies. What are the chances my husband and I could have another baby with the same disabilities?
For what it's worth, I know about a hundred (maybe more) famlies with children on the autistic spectrum and I only know of one family with autistic twins. I have two children myself: the older one is diagnosed with PDD-NOS and the other has a diagnosis of "teenage NOS!"
What you can do is to join a support group. I couldn't have done it alone without the helpand support of others in my autistic community.
What you can do is to join a support group. I couldn't have done it alone without the helpand support of others in my autistic community.
Hi, I posted this once but for some reason it did not go thru. Will try again.
I am the grandmother of an Autistic child. I strongly advise that you do any tests available to determine if you and your husband will become parents of an Autistic child.
My daughter at age 35 delivered her first child, full term, who was found at 18 mos to be Autiistic. At that time it was not known that this is probably comming from my husbands side of the family tho none of our children are Autistic. There are other learning disabilities within that side of the family which can fit into that spectrum.
They were advised that there was a high rate of more than one child being born with Autism, if I remember correctly around 40 %. Also a very high rate of divorce.
We Love our grandson but this is not a condition that I would wish on anyone. There are varying degrees of Autism anywhere from children who do not speak or are retarded to those who may, with a lot of work on the parents part along with training by experts become self sufficient or at least to some degree.
This is not as you may already know cureable at this time. it requires a lot of Patience and Love on the parents part.... A LOT of Patience and Love.. It requires treatment, by professionals with experience in more than one area. It is also a training of the parent ( usually the Mother who spends the day with him) and is a 24/7 job that never ends. Much like homeschooling. As of now, there are various modes of training but not just one , given , absolute kind that is totally accepted or supported by the Government or Experts, therefore it is very hard to know in which direction to go. Each seems to have its good points and each child is different.
It is expensive to say the least. Of course the long range intention is to raise a self-sufficient adult --- if the condition permits. One of the common traits of the Autistic child ( tho not every one ) is Tantruming ( kicking,screaming, crying etc.). This can occur not only in the home but when out in public and those onlookers do not understand so the child is looked at as a spoiled, fit -thrower. You can be asked to remove him from the premises---upsetting for all. Many also have ADD or ADHD usually requireing meds.
The Public Schools are supposed to provide schooling and integrate these children into the classroom but most teachers are not equiped or trained to do this successfully
and that can result is the undoing of the hard work in the home as you cannot do one type of training at home and use opposing or different methods in the classroom. In some cases it ends up with the teacher resenting that child and his possible disruption of the classroom or his requireing extra attention. Unfortunately it ends in a failure for all concerned. There are some special schools that deal with children with learning disabilities and these may include Autistic under age 6.
This is a very stressful lifestyle, and not one with a predictible outcome, tho one always hopes for the best. Our daughter and husband have done a wonderful job but it has also taken a toll on them. They chose to adopt their 2nd child.
If I were you, I would take time to get acquainted with parents of some of these children, observe them in a classroom setting and spend several days if possible in a home setting, observing the daily routine. Then, remember you would be living with this situation for not 3/4 days but for 18 yrs or perhaps a lifetime.
One other consideration: what if that child is not self suficient ? Are you financially prepared to support him for the rest of your life? Of course that may not be the case, there may be other settings/situations where he could live in a group home etc. but is certinly something to think about. It's hard enough to pay for the training etc. during a time when you are capable of earning a good living.
I hope this has given you something concrete to consider as it is not an easy life. To know that your child will never fit in ( many have a hard time with socializing ) always be " different ", perhaps be teased/bullied as seems to be a problem in the schools these days, always be the mother in a group whose child is not excelling in something,
and be eternally physically & emotionally tired.
Even tho I have raised 3 children, I don't know how I would have coped with something like this.
PJ
I am the grandmother of an Autistic child. I strongly advise that you do any tests available to determine if you and your husband will become parents of an Autistic child.
My daughter at age 35 delivered her first child, full term, who was found at 18 mos to be Autiistic. At that time it was not known that this is probably comming from my husbands side of the family tho none of our children are Autistic. There are other learning disabilities within that side of the family which can fit into that spectrum.
They were advised that there was a high rate of more than one child being born with Autism, if I remember correctly around 40 %. Also a very high rate of divorce.
We Love our grandson but this is not a condition that I would wish on anyone. There are varying degrees of Autism anywhere from children who do not speak or are retarded to those who may, with a lot of work on the parents part along with training by experts become self sufficient or at least to some degree.
This is not as you may already know cureable at this time. it requires a lot of Patience and Love on the parents part.... A LOT of Patience and Love.. It requires treatment, by professionals with experience in more than one area. It is also a training of the parent ( usually the Mother who spends the day with him) and is a 24/7 job that never ends. Much like homeschooling. As of now, there are various modes of training but not just one , given , absolute kind that is totally accepted or supported by the Government or Experts, therefore it is very hard to know in which direction to go. Each seems to have its good points and each child is different.
It is expensive to say the least. Of course the long range intention is to raise a self-sufficient adult --- if the condition permits. One of the common traits of the Autistic child ( tho not every one ) is Tantruming ( kicking,screaming, crying etc.). This can occur not only in the home but when out in public and those onlookers do not understand so the child is looked at as a spoiled, fit -thrower. You can be asked to remove him from the premises---upsetting for all. Many also have ADD or ADHD usually requireing meds.
The Public Schools are supposed to provide schooling and integrate these children into the classroom but most teachers are not equiped or trained to do this successfully
and that can result is the undoing of the hard work in the home as you cannot do one type of training at home and use opposing or different methods in the classroom. In some cases it ends up with the teacher resenting that child and his possible disruption of the classroom or his requireing extra attention. Unfortunately it ends in a failure for all concerned. There are some special schools that deal with children with learning disabilities and these may include Autistic under age 6.
This is a very stressful lifestyle, and not one with a predictible outcome, tho one always hopes for the best. Our daughter and husband have done a wonderful job but it has also taken a toll on them. They chose to adopt their 2nd child.
If I were you, I would take time to get acquainted with parents of some of these children, observe them in a classroom setting and spend several days if possible in a home setting, observing the daily routine. Then, remember you would be living with this situation for not 3/4 days but for 18 yrs or perhaps a lifetime.
One other consideration: what if that child is not self suficient ? Are you financially prepared to support him for the rest of your life? Of course that may not be the case, there may be other settings/situations where he could live in a group home etc. but is certinly something to think about. It's hard enough to pay for the training etc. during a time when you are capable of earning a good living.
I hope this has given you something concrete to consider as it is not an easy life. To know that your child will never fit in ( many have a hard time with socializing ) always be " different ", perhaps be teased/bullied as seems to be a problem in the schools these days, always be the mother in a group whose child is not excelling in something,
and be eternally physically & emotionally tired.
Even tho I have raised 3 children, I don't know how I would have coped with something like this.
PJ
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) Community
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
What to expect in your growing baby
Is the PS3 the new Prozac … or causing ADHD in your kid?
Autism expert Dr. Richard Graff weighs in on the vaccine-autism media scandal.
Could your home be a haven for toxins that can cause ADHD?
