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1346724 tn?1282322904

Disciplining an autistic child

My child is 3 going on 4 years old, he hasn't been diagnosed with autism but his therapists think he is.  
He is now throwing tantrums and is refusing to cooperate with asked to.  He is saying "No" to everything.  I'm not sure if this is a sign of autism or not, I'm trying to discipline him just like you would any other kid, but I'm not sure if he is not understanding or comprehending what I'm trying to address.  If it is an autistic symptom then am I suppose to handle it a certain way?  
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1244180 tn?1325899111
I don't really disaplin my autistic son... I put things in a perspective that he can understand.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hi nettie
Have you ever watched a programme on tv about an English Nanny showing people how to deal with difficult children? (Or, sometimes, showing parents some parenting skills?)
If all those kids would have been taken to therapists they would probably all be labelled with one neorological/ psychological illness or other.Due to some really excellent advice the parents think they have a different child in the house!
What I'm trying to say is that before they label kids - or adults for that matter- they have to be 100% sure that they need a label at all.
my younger sister was an absolute nightmare when she was that age. true, she didn't throw stuff but she used to lay on the floor and scream if she felt like it no matter where. she once did it in the very poshest toy shop in London because she couldn't have a child size real car.
We just used to ignore her but my mum was "come on, darling, don't be silly" and, of course, she'd do it louder.
She has grown up to be completely normal but with a very determined attitude, very competetive, and still determined to get what she wants.
(she doesn't lay down on the floor and scream any more, though!)
She has a husband and daughter of her own, the daughter with the sweetest nature ever. (doesn't take after her!)
Maybe, if there was so much going on with diagnosing kids then, she may well have had a label too.
Just trying to get this a bit in perspective without in any way minimising your problem.
The main thing with any child is YOU MUST BE CONSISTENT. If he keeps saying "No" don't fight with him, just tell him you will take a toy away every time he  refuses to accept your request - and do it. Say that when he's a good boy and does as mummy says then he can have one thing back, then another etc.Do the "time out" and naughty step/place stuff  if you feel that's right but you must do it all the time without seeming to be angry. Explain in a controlled and assertive manner why he is there.
You will see if he understands quite well when all his stuff starts disappearing and whether or not he realises what he has to do to get it back. Don't waver, be firm  and lots of love and kisses when you normally would. See what happens and let me know. Good luck, hang on in there! x
Helpful - 0
1329765 tn?1316682226
My son is 4 nearly 5 and i have a lot of dealings with his tantrums alrite at first i didnt know how to deal with them as he has yet to be diagnosed but i found that his behaviour was different to my 3 yr old and i can tell my youngest off and put him on the naughty step hes fine with that but if i put the eldest who has the difficulties he goes berserk and throws things at me and i mean car seats, books toys anything, even a box of ladies dumbbells and to look at him hes very small for his age.  ive had no input off professionals so ive found this myself and i dont know if your child likes touch but i have to hold him like hugging him but restraining him rock him back and forth like a baby and sing his favourite song over and over til i can feel that its gone.  
Sorry i babbled a bit then didnt i lol.    hope you have some luck xxx
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1346724 tn?1282322904
Thanks for your feedback!
Yes, I agree...I can definitely see the difference in age.  It does seem to get worse....and here I thought it would get better because they called it terrible twos.
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1173196 tn?1292916490
Well, it could very well be the age then. I always thought 3-4 was much worse than the terrible twos.
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1346724 tn?1282322904
As of now my son has only been diagnosed with developemental delay.  He is pretty good with change and usually he's not a very dramatic kid only lately he has been acting up and not being himself.  I can't pin-point the cause for his behavior.  Nothing really big has changed other than his therapists and a different location...but that happended two weeks ago and he did very well with the transitioning part.  
Helpful - 0
1173196 tn?1292916490
This is a very tough question. We went through the same thing with my daughter when she was little. She has a non-autistic brother who is 18 months younger so we had to walk a fine line because we didn't want him to think we were treating them differently. But, at that age we only knew she was delayed, and different. Had no idea about the autism. I think we tried to look at the cause of the behavior. If she was having a tantrum because something she enjoyed was over, we just carried her to a quiet place and let her calm down. Change of any kind is very hard for autistic kids to deal with. If it was because she didn't get her way, we would give her a time out or some other consequence that we had warned her about beforehand. Thankfully my daughter completely skipped the "no" stage.
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