Possible Autism

[Smiles78]

Hi there, just got out of a very intense 8 month realtionship with a wonderful man who ended the reationship because I showed concern towards his two year old son. A few months in a few of my family memebers asked me of his son was autistic, I said no and did not think anything of it, then I started to notice odd behavior. His son was only 19 months and was hitting his father in the face, slapping him as well, temeper tantums out of no where, head banging on the floor when upset. Walked a few times on his toes, very dark circles under the eyes, alot of diarreah at times, would not look at me eye to ey, sometimes looked lost, like a lost soul. was extremly quiet, car rised would naot make a peep, cried alot, sleep habits were great as well as eating but sometimes seemed like he was deaf, would call his name over and over and he would not respond. Father would say to son I love you over and over and son would not respond, when holding child, child would pull away, as if he did not want to be held. Sometimes would hold onto father but for the most part did not want to be cuddly. Father and mother heard my concern and took son into peditrican at 19 months and was told son was fine, come January we went on a trip to Disney and this is what really blew me away, there was no emotion to child on rides, no smiling, screaming with delight, to see the charatcers, went on its a small world and there was no reaction, never pointed to the dolls or lights or anything, just looked like he was lost, ride home from disney, child screamed on the top of his lungs for 30 minutes, tightned up his little body and just looked miserable, father yelled at son to calm down and child could of cared less, like in his own world. Child has recently turned two and not sure how he is acting, father broke off realtionship becuase of my concern.....any advise?

[Smiles78]

At the end of the day we can lead a horse to water but can not make it drink it.....I have a heart, and while I was hurt with the fathers decesion on ending the realtionship, I was more hurt that he was so selfish and not so understanding of my true concerns for his son and can only wish and pray that my intuition was wrong....In time things will all work out and there will be another angel that notices what I noticed and says something to the parents and hopefully next time around they seek professional help for him, possibly a psychologist or specialist. Denial is a very strong emotion, his father was mentally and emotionally built like a briick there was no tearing down that wall of pride!. I no longer feel responsible to lead the parents to seek help. This is there own doings.....

[dollyn]

I understand your concern and have been in your shoes where you try and tell someone that you think there could be something wrong with there child and they don't want to hear you.

From what you have said there is something wrong with this little boy and the parents should have had him looked at,Maybe something happen to him that you don't know about ,there are a lot of crazy people out there these days.

And yes it can very very hard for some parents to see what is going on because they only see there special child.

I pray this little boy is well also, and would hate for any child to be sick and not get the help they need. And for the Parents to get the help they need to deal with it.

[Smiles78]

I was reading over your post, sorry to hear of your troubles. I have shown my concern and expressed my familes concerns for his son back in January, it is now March and I have no idea if he has progressed with this behavior or has gotten better, for all I know it could have just been simple behavior issues that needed to be addressed or god forbid he could have autisim or aspergers, as for seizures, I would not know if he experienced them. Those few minutes of quietness threw me off, and the lack of attention he showed was off, I could say his name over and over and over...and no response at times. Do you know why a child that young would hit and slap his father in the face or myself, he was not in day care so I am not sure where he pikced up the behavior, maybe he just could not find the words so that is how he reacted when he needed attention, the head banging was scary as hell, just boom a thump on the floor with his head, I thought my god he is going to hurt himself. He only did it when he was upset, it was to much for me to handle, I could not understand how someone so young could act this way, what was bringing on this behavior. there were times when the child seemed happy and smiled, but for the most part just looked sad!  I tried to see the good behavior in him but noticed the quietness that sent shivers down my spine, you would think a child learning to talk and be active would show more spirit, be more verbal, even if he could not talk 100 percent, make noises on his own. It was like he only spoke when spoken to, it was something I never experienced.  The young toddler was a timid, sensitive, loving toddler, cute as a button, but the behavior and quietness really scared me as a girlfriend in a realtionship with someone who's child might have some concerns. There were just to many red flags that came out towards the end that made me feel there might have been something wrong. I am a loving caring mother of my own and have been around young children and there was just to many differences that I saw that alarmed me. Well it's been two months since I saw the young toddler last, all I can pray for is he is just fine and moving along as he should be, but the worse part of it was he was not where he should have been progressing! Its like he was at the same stage he was when I first met him, nothing new, no growth, just stand still. As for the parents, maybe they wanted to hear their son was h=just fine so the answer the peditrician gave them was suffice, so they choose not to see what others saw.I suppose sometimes it is hard to see the big picture, we only want to see the positive in our children, not the flaws, but this was not a flaw, they could be helping him!....they are doing thier son injustice by beleiving he is ok! I told his father to take him to a specialist and he told me I was hurtful and mean! At the end of the day, I am not invloved anymore and have to take care of me and my daughter. I wish them all well and miss the little boy greatly. I pray for the little boy and his father!

[dollyn]

From what you have said it sounds like they should have the boy seen by a Neurologist.
The child could be having Seizures and would need Medicine and if not treated it could kill him.Don't mean to scare you .

There are many different types of Seizures ,some look like the person is daydreaming ,some you can see and some up think they just can't hear you or just don't want to lisen to you.  People are being Misdiagnosed with having ADD and ADHD .

I would send him videos of these and info .

I really hope and pray that this little baby boy gets the help he needs and the right help and not put on the wrong drugs to help him.Because it seems these days that the Doctor and Teachers along with some Parents that Children  are being put on ADD and ADHD drugs because a Child is not doing what they think a Child should be doing ,and not looking at everything and testing for everything.And the side effects to those drugs are very very bad.

[Athena_M]

He could also have childhood depression and a speech delay. It's so nice how much you care about him.  I hope too that things get better for him and that his dad will get him some help.  I can tell you have a big heart.  

[Smiles78]

Thanks for your response, I do not know what it was, but there were a few occasional walks on tip toes, a few hand flapping motions, but just the quietness this child showed was truly sad. The temper tantrums were often and the head banging occured during the tantrums. There were times when I would loook at the child and there was no connection as if he just looked lost. He would walk around as if he did not fit in. His speech was poor rarely spoke on his own, would repeat if we said something and asked to repeat it, he would say blue car like every where we would go, I did not understand what he was talking about. His words were few and when trying to say his name he would say a different name all togheter. Just weird things that did not seem normal. He slept perfect, no issues with food or sleep. Just behavior was off. The crazy thing was people would ask me if the child was autistic....I did not know. I would come into the room and nothing he would not even acknowledge me or my daughter, and we were in his life eight months, every weekend consistent. Disney World really threw me off, ride after ride and no smiling, no happy jestures, just quiet. Well all I can say is I wish him and his father well.

[Athena_M]

Hi Smiles,
I read your posts and although it does sound like autism, it could be other things like lack of sleep, digestive problems, or food allergies/sensitivities. If his parents took him to a pediatrician and the doctor said it was not autism, it probably is not.
If he isn't sleeping well then he would be in a daze at Disneyland.  
My four year old has the autism diagnosis, but this toddler you are describing sounds like he might be having behavior problems that could be related to either sugar or red dye.  At one point they were saying my son had ADHD.  We learned through having him eat protein at each meal that the bad behaviors went away.  Also my son has behavior problems if he eats a large dessert , foods with red dye, and sometimes juice.  
If this child had autism he would probably be walking on his toes all the time, would not make eye contact, would be flapping his hands, may or may not be talking, would be making strange vocalazations, and would be lining up his toys.  Those are some things a pediatrician would notice and evaluate.  

[Smiles78]

I have given up on trying to offer my support, he wants nothing to do with me, because he has to much pride as a man. I relize the realtionship is over with, but truly feel bad for his son. Neither he or the mother think anything is wrong with the boy, every concern I had he would justify with excuses....well maybe one day someone will see the true concern and it will not be to late. I have chatted on a few other sites to see if someone could send him some info on Autisim, but no one really wants to get involved.

[KarenDiane]

Yes, the symptoms of autism will not get better on their own. Schools are trained to look for signs of autism now. Unfortunately, that may be his first intervention.

[Smiles78]

Thanks for the info, I pray someone other then myself or my family shows some concern for his son. I started dating someone recently who has a nephew with Autiism, he said to me if they chose not to take him to a specialists his symptoms will get worse and the child will be more drawn into himself. Sad My heart goes out to the litle boy!

[KarenDiane]

My daughter is 13 now, but was diagnosed with developmental disabilities at age 3, and Aspergers at age 5. Her Aspergers diagnosis was changed to mild autism at age 9. So, I've been through all the stages but I don't know anyone currently with an autistic toddler.

[Smiles78]

Thanks for the response, yeah it is a shame it costs the realtionship. I agree with you I hope they seek some professional help as well. I did not know this but when the child was born he was not breathing and they had to have a resp therapist come in and work a miracle to get him breathing, maybe this has caused some issues with reguards to his son. I do not know, but I do know that I truly meant no harm by trying to show concern for his son and in the end I am the one who lost not only a great man, but a great child. Do you know of any toddlers with Autisim?

[KarenDiane]

Well, a lot of what you described does sound like Autism or Aspergers (an autism spectrum disorder). If not autism, definately some emotional problems. I think you were right to be concerned and push the parents toward getting answers. A pediatrician can not diagnose autism, but they can refer the parents to a child psychologist for testing. That is what the parents should have insisted on. I'm sorry your concern cost you your relationship. I hope they get this child some help.