1171787 tn?1295546231

Silent Tears....

Hi everyone, we lost our little one at 17 weeks. I delivered him in the hospital on Jan 7, 2010. He was just perfect, a beautiful little baby boy. We named him Hunter. I have to say that this has been the single most devestating experience I have ever had to go through. He leaves behind my husband and I, and his big sister. We had him cremated since I could not bear the thought of not having him with us. His earthly remains now rest in a beautiful heart shaped urn with an angel on it holding a little baby. Looking at it, it looks like a small jewelry box.  We are getting ready to go on a trip home to visit family. I bought two necklaces to hold a little of his ashes for my husband and I. I have been putting off filling the necklaces because I did not feel I was ready yet. But the time came when I was ready to do it. Secondly to delivering our son it was very hard. I wanted to treat his remains with the utmost delicacy as it is all I have left. My husband and I filled the necklaces and when that was completed I had the incredible urge to gently pour out his ashes and "sift"(for lack of better wording) through them. I could tell my husband could not understand why I wanted to do this but sat quietly and watched. There were bits of his bones in it and I honestly was looking for something that reminded me of his little body, anything... As I did this I was thinking of holding him right after he was born taking in every inch of his little body not wanting to miss a thing. I suddenly realized that what I was looking for I would never find. Silent tears were falling from my eyes.  My baby boy is gone and I won't find him in a pile of ashes. After, my husband said I did not know why you were doing it but I understand you had to do it. I can't explain it my self. Thank you all for reading...
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Avatar universal
I feel your pain and I also understand why you did what you did. I'm sorry for your loss my prays are with you and your family. Thanks for sharing you Angel Hunter with us.
Helpful - 0
229760 tn?1291467870
My heart is just breaking for you.....thank you for sharing Hunter with us! I know your pain all to well. My story is different but in the end my son is an Angel too. My little returned to Heaven about a year and half ago and I still have days where I just sit and cry. It will get easier but the pain will always be in your heart, just as the love of Hunter will be there too!

Angel Hugs and kisses!
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