Let me give you a bit of my background. I am 37 years old and have suffered from bipolar disordered since I was a teenager but was only diagnosed about 7 years ago. I really wish I had been diagnosed earlier in life, I feel I have wasted so much of my youth with major depression or dangerous manic states. I broke up with a bf of 6 years last Spring for the way he had been treating me and emotionally distancing himself within the last few months of our relationship and I had been having a hard time getting over it-- he presumably has bipolar disorder as well, but refuses to get diagnosed or get treatment. My doctor slightly increased my Effexor dose and it seemed to help somewhat.
My ex contacted me about 6 months after the breakup and I tried my hardest to not contact him due to the yo-yo relationship we had with us both having mania and depressive disorders. He contacted me again about 6 weeks later and I finally replied, to my regret. We talked for a couple of weeks and he went on about how much he had missed me, no other girl compared, I knew him better than anyone...blah blah blah. Well, we got into a fight after I found evidence that he had cheated on me when we were together. He tried to contact me again with a "kisses" message and I ignored him.
The holidays went by and this is the first holiday we had not been a couple and I fell into a deep depression and he did not contact me. I decided to contact him a couple of days after New Years to ask why I had not heard from him, at least as a friend, for the holidays. He said he was sorry and we needed to talk. He called me to let me know that he has actually been seeing someone since we broke up, it was someone he had been in contact with through his job while we were still a couple and they spent the holidays together and now they were very serious and he decided he wanted to move on with her. I was completely devastated, hurt, and felt used. It has been a few weeks now and I fell into an even deeper depression, became suicidal and started having panic attacks. I saw my doctor again, she upped my Effexor to the highest dose and put me on xanax, I also started seeing a therapist because I am having extreme obsessive thoughts about my ex and his new gf, I have learned everything I could learn about her online, I stalk their FB and Linkin pages. I have overwhelming urges to sent her an email and tell her how he contacted me before he went on holiday with her, show her the emails, the sexually suggestive texts and the dirty pics he sent me. I even have obsessive thoughts about him getting bored with her and coming back to me again. This affects my whole life, my job, my personal relationships, school, ect.
The xanax really seems to help somewhat with the obsession, as well as with panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. But I still feel no joy. Instead of bouncing from mania and depression like I have in the past I am just majorly depressed or I am at a level where I don't really feel depressed, but I don't feel any joy in life either. I cannot motivate myself to get back into my favorite hobbies and I am having a hard time getting school work done (which school was something that was one of my top priorities before). I also am suffering from insomnia and wake up every night and can't fall back asleep, I just lay in bed too tired to do anything, so I start obsessing again. My doctor recommended cutting back on the Effexor and adding a mood stabilizer called Abilify to help bring some mood balance and joy back into my life, she said it would also help me sleep. The only problem is I have a high deductible on my insurance and the pharmacy said the Abilify was 700 bucks for a 30 days supply unit I reach my deductible of $1250. There is no way I can afford that! I talked to my therapist about it and she said that she has some other patients that are on it and they have claimed it works wonders for them. I really feel like I need this in order to get my life back on track and get over this hump, but how do other people on this drug deal with the cost? Are there any major coupons or discounting programs for drugs like these??