1039200 tn?1314912008

Alcohol /bipolar/poor judgement

I would be interested to know how many of you who have stryggled with the effect of alcohol on bipolar. When I am hypomanic I become hypersociable and my alcohol judgement becomes impaired. Last time I stayed awake all night drinking like a teenager being so hyperactive / euphoric that people were laughing at me. I wouldnt stop making embarrasing jokes at high speed, jumping around and hugging everybody and revealing revealing my life story like it was from a comedy sketch laughing along with strangers as well as people I know. :-s which of course I totally regret. It was like I was on stage, but now I realise the joke was on me :-( . This is mild compared to other things I have done in my past, and it just exacerbates the paranoia that inevitably follows. Has anyone else found their judgement has becomes so impaired whilst hypomanic that they have got into similar situations?
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1372537 tn?1283614016
I have this same issue too.  I am "normally" very shy and keep to myself, but when I was hypomanic/ manic, I thought I was the life of the party.  I was super social and at one point, at the bar every day for a couple months.  I worked days, but was still able to hang till the early morning with the crowd that worked nights.  (Basically didn't sleep at all unless I passed out.)  I too talked non-stop.  

I played in a pool league at the time, and there was a group of us (mostly guys) that played together all the time.  I was just "one of the guys".  At first they were all impressed by (not so much my ablility, but) the intensity I played with.  I wanted to learn and knew I couldn't only do that by watching and playing the best.  I was not afraid of competing against anyone (no matter how often I lost).  I improved a ton, and at least impressed the casual, drunk players.  

As the hypo/-mania got worse though, I began talking a lot of (not so nice) smack, and getting in guy's faces.  I also become hypersexual at the same time and have gotten myself in positions that could have been very dangerous.  I think at first the guys (and the bouncers) just thought it was funny, but it escalated to the point that they had to protect me from getting my ***-kicked.  I don't remember much at, and past that point) due to the alcohol, mania, and lack of sleep.  I do know that when I came down, I had slept with most of those guys, and lost all of those "friends."  Some will still have a conversation if I see them, but most will barely nod and walk by.  

Luckily (or maybe not :-{ )  don't remember much of what I did or said during these periods about myself or whatever else.  I saw one of the bouncers that took care of me (thank god) at that time a few years later, and he chose to fill me in on some of the things that happened.  I know that he may be exaggerating a bit, but when he told me those stories, I just wanted to stick my head in the sand and never come out.  It was almost as if I had a total personality change for a couple months.

I thought I was having the best time of my life, but really I was totally making an *** of myself.  I too feel very guilty and don't understand how I could have done those things.

It has been 4-5 years since this experience, and usually I don't think about anymore.  But when I see one of "the guys"  I was hanging out with then, it all comes back.  It is just a good reminder of why I need to continue with my meds and take care of myself.  (Although I still allow myself the fun of the bar, ect, occationally).  Hard to give up those manic periods when you don't really remember the bad things.
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1167245 tn?1353878500
Anytime :)
This topic in particular is something I've been wondering about as well, and feeling a whole lot of guilt and confusion about, so I'm also really comforted to see that it can sometimes come with the bipolar territory... but of course it's all still a work in process. So, you're definitely not alone, and PM me any time!
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1039200 tn?1314912008
Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply, I can totally relate with what you have said. I can't tell you what a comfort it is not to feel so alone on this one. You have helped me through a particularly tough time x
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1167245 tn?1353878500
Absolutely. This sort of thing has happened to me many times before, and I identify with your description of it like being on stage. I ham it up and won't stop talking (or taking more drinks), and my flight of ideas makes it so that I go off on tangent after tangent, losing the original conversation topic. But I pun constantly, and my laughter and sociability ultimately make people think that I'm really enjoying their company, or at least that I have some particularly strong joie de vivre.

People do laugh, often at me I'm sure, but at the same time I think that it can sometimes be viewed by others as plain fun (this happened to me recently during a few days of suspected hypomania, where a new person I met became so enamored by my lampshade-on-the-head type of attitude that she wants to hang out more and be friends... go figure). I think the fast thinking also facilitates better conversation (until I can't keep track of it) and makes me come off as quite witty at times. Maybe I'm just flattering myself and I'm actually viewed as just completely and utterly nutty (in the example mentioned above, my very close friend just stared at me all night with a smirk, later telling me how ridiculously weird I am).

Unfortunately, I also do what you said about telling your life story, which only ends up being supremely embarrassing later on down the road. Too many people know too much about me now, and I hate that! I'm normally a private person who shares the more intimate details with close friends only, and even then, I sometimes pick and choose what to tell based on how much trust there is. But add in a high mood and a few drinks, and everything is laid bare. Additionally, I'm normally a "think before you speak" sort of person, and I can't stand people who feel the need to talk constantly even if it's all bull. But I do become that person I despise during these high periods.

Actually, even without the drinks all of the stuff I talked about above happens, but you're right in saying that alcohol only makes the lack of judgement and insight so much worse. I'm struggling still to not be so ashamed of the way that I act sometimes, but I haven't figured it out yet... I've gotten better at not dwelling, but sometimes this embarrassment won't let go. I'm still dogged by memories of years past and I've dropped a lot of friendships and avoided people because of this.
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