I am 18 year old guy and im studying in univ, and recently i've started to feel like im having mental problem, i have anxiety disorder, i worry about simple thing too much, for example i just completed a quiz on one of my course, and i know that i already score full mark on it, the tutor showed all the students their mark, but i still have this feeling of "how much do i get?", it wont go away until i see my mark for the second time. I have this problem since i was a little kid, for example I couldn't stop counting how many toys i have even though its never less nor more.
I've been known to have multiple personality disorder, i am usually a very quiet guy, but at the other time i can be real loud and even wild.
Many times when anyone talked to me i responded weirdly, i say things that isn't related to what they r talking about. And sometimes i just go "blank" and dont know what to respond with, even though its only simple thing, so i just say "okay oh i see".
For many times I get sudden anger for no apparent reason, the anger is so strong i feel like murdering anyone around me, i dont care if it is someone close to me, luckily i havent done any attempt of murdering anyone, yet, im really afraid if started any attempt to do so.
Right now Im having problem with my bro and I just cant get over with it, I even have a thought of hitting his head with something heavy, or even stab him with knife, i dont care if he will die or not, as long as my anger is released...
I masturbated in weird place such as old abandoned truck, i dont know if thats normal kind of fetish or maybe im really a weird guy, I even wanted to masturbate in old abandoned house, but i never tried it.
I even have this feeling of someday if i get into a fight with someone i will bite their skin off, tore them apart, and eat them alive, even if it is only a little fight. i've always wanted to release this rage, im afraid i will really release it once i fight with someone, because i will end up killing that person in a nasty way.
the worst thing is i have a 4 year old sister, i love her and will never do anything to hurt her! Im really afraid once i get angry i do something horrible to her.... when she was younger i used to be really harsh on her, i screamed very loud on her whenever she **** me off, then I got into fight with my mom, its horrible and i feel horribly guilty about it.
A lot of time i get really depressed and think of suicide, but i never tried any attempt to end my life, i tried cutting myself but i cant, i only cause a tiny wound, but nothing life threatening, because i cant..
I have this taste of wearing the straight jacket used for the mentally ill someday, i even wish i have to wear it someday.. i dont know if thats normal, but i started to wish im one of those mentally ill who will wear straight jacket someday...! maybe its just a crazy thought, but i really dont know why i wished for things like that... i mean, is it normal to wish you were mentally ill?
I forget things a lot, i always have this thought of "okay i will do it once i get home", but then i completely forget about it, then i remembered i havent done it yet after a week or so..is that normal for an 18 year old? I dont drink a lot and i dont do drugs.
I know this is a lot for you to read, but this isn't everything i have in my mind, there is a lot more, but your suggestion is greatly appreciated..