I see a number of councillers and ''community support workers'' what ever the hell they are for my bipolar and addiction, as many of you will know im sure if you ever crying, hurting yourself or generally trying to get away from the world and lock yourself away its at these low times that you dont really want to go into the doctors and be patronised and such..
When ever i see my doctor im either drunk (not the best idea i know but i hide it and at least the important things get said, im still polite) or im very mixed and hyper. Ive told them im bipolar and other doctors have confirmed this.. they have only really seen me when im coherent and talkative.
Yesterday morning i was woken by someone smashing on my door i pulled myself out of my puking heap on the carpet i had been drinking and taken a lot of pills the night previously so wasnt feeling shall we say in a great mood and jesus did i feel sick. It was one of the support people telling me to come to the center with them on campus and they got pissed off because i asked for 2mins to brush my teeth and grab my shoes which i thought was a little off?
When i got in there they were like your very quiet and withdrawn today is this the real you? As if some way making out the times i had seen them before i had been acting?? I told them i was depressed and they were like you said you were depressed last week but laughed at us when we said your liver was going to repture and i basically said im sorry but my mood is like that at times i really dont care.
And i couldnt handle any of this i wanted to black out or cry and they couldnt understand how i was diffrent from normal.. it makes me wonder sometimes all these people ive been seeing DO THEY ACTUALLY HAVE A ******* CLUE WHAT BIPOLAR IS??