Bipolar Disorder Community
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899491 tn?1243777227

Bipolar Depression Psychosis.

My bipolar symptoms was in remission for a very long time since 1994! I do have occasional problems but its easily fixed with adjusting my med's. But this episode was different. When I had my relaspe all the familiar sensations reared its ugly head and its very frightening handling this monster inside me. After experiencing the good, bad and ugly of mania I slid into a deep depression. I felt that familiar disjointed feeling like I did not own my own body.  The pdoc put me on Abilify which is an antipsychotic drug. Am I psychotic? The last three months I believe I experienced some type of psychosis. I had very delusional thinking and each day it becomes more ugly with my paranoia. I don't have hallucinations but I do get very sensitive around other people. I feel like I want to jump out of my skin and I try my best to avoid people. I feel so uncomfortable that it was one of the reasons I took time off from work until my med's get me back on even keel. I feel that my monster inside me will hurt others by saying something hateful or do something really out of character.....like that girl in the Exodist. Who wants to be friendly when you act like this...
Not good to influence people and gain acceptance at work.

If the monster gets out people around me will get angry at me because I said something inappropriate. I come to the realization that when I was not diagnosed during the late 80's and early 90's I had to contend with this psychotic thinking for years when I was in a depressive state. I tried my best to hide this side of me. It was a real challenge keeping that side under wraps but it did interfered with my life; it disrupted my education and my employment.

A piece of puzzle has been solved at a age of 52.
5 Responses
952564 tn?1268372247
Well, there have been a lot of advancements in knowledge about bipolar since the 80s, that for sure. I'm glad you're getting things worked out.
667078 tn?1316004535
If you meet me now you would have no clue I have anything wrong. If I am off my mood stabilizer I am just as psychotic as I can be.

899491 tn?1243777227
I knew I acted crazy but I didn't know they had a name for it. :)
1039200 tn?1314915608
Yeah, sometimes it's only after you've got better that you can really have the insight into how distorted your thinking processes were. I really cannot imagine what I would be like now without meds (scary).
585414 tn?1288944902
  Actually many atypical antipsychotics (if not all) are FDA approved for treating bipolar as well. The full spectrum of bipolar is complex. Bipolar with psychotic features is not that rare. When a person has bipolar with psychotic features they have psychosis specifically during moodswings. When a person has schizoaffective as I do they experience psychosis all the time (as I did before my current recovery). The whole spectrum of bipolar to schizophrenia is linked up and they are just learning how. Bipolar appears throughout my family including my mother who just started treatment for cyclothymia (mild bipolar) so there are clear links.
    If you want to know more about what the Abilify is treating it might make sense to ask your psychiatrist specifically what they saw of concern and how they feel the Abilify is helping. I always asked what was going on in this manner from a long while back so I could have a better self understanding and know how I was being treated and if things didn't work out what to look for. I do know when I signed up here (not due to my choice but because they couldn't find anything I could tolerate) I was off a mood stabilizer and I did experience grandiosity and some aspects of paranoia as I require both a mood stabilizer and antipsychotic to function. With both now I have basic stability.
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