family of bi-polar person support

[bonitahart]

I have a son who is now 30.  He has never had good experiences or results with medication.  He is intolerable to live with and is abusive to everyone in his path.  How do I get help for him as well as myself.  The situation is desperate.

[helplogan]

I'm so sorry to hear about you and your son's situation. I am medication intolerant and also the type of bi-polar symptoms I have are y difficult to treat. The position your in is very hard but you have to think of yourself and your wellbeing too.
Regardless of your son's condition, he has to take some responsibility for himselfhimself. My illness is far from undercontrol and I take a lot of medication in the hope that we will find a combination that helps to alleviate some of my symptoms to make my life a little easier. Do I enjoy taking medication?  Not really but there is the hope that it may help that keeps me taking it day and night. Treating someone who isn't medication compliant is a tough one but the responsibility is in the end lays with the patient.
You can only advise your son, show him this if it may help but he is an adult and under no circumstances should you have to tolerate abuse of any kind.
I hope he comes to see that though the right medication can be tough to find and it doesn't cure it or every symptom. It is worth trying new combinations, they could help. That is why I still take all my medication anyway, hope!
Take care

[lindahand]

Accepting medication can be really difficult for a person, and for a few unlucky people they just don't work. Often though people don't give them a chance to work. They still drink, or they take them only periodically. Some people are addicted to the 'up' and thing that is a normal state so when the medication prevents that they stop taking it. I don't know your situation, but often when I hear a story like yours when I did a little deeper I find the above can be true.

If he is intolerable to live with - don't live with him. It may be against your nature as a loving mother to find him an alternate place to live, but it may be best for him long term. He may be better able to manage his condition with supervision. Because no one should tolerate abuse. And if he doesn't get medication or therapy - chances are its only going to get worse and he will become harder to control. It is tough, but may be the most loving option in the long term and safest for yourselves. You may be able to give him more and better support if you aren't under the same roof.

Nami, or another support group is a great idea. They can give you the in-person support needed.

[ILADVOCATE]

  It would be worthwhile to discuss these concerns with his psychiatrist. There should be options as regards medications that would be able to help him. If all commonly used medications have worked for him then it would be of help to find a referral to a psychopharmocologist who are medication specialists. He should be able to live in some form of housing in the community from supported housing (the most independent) to supportive housing (where a social worker visits once a day) to a community residence (most supervised) depending on what his psychiatrist believes he is eligible for. A social worker should be able to assist as well. Its important to understand that his behavior (although it should be addressed) is part of his disability and there are ways to share coping skills and concerns such as NAMI friends and family support groups.